When I Was In High School I Managed To Get Myself Haunted By This Really Helpful Passive Aggressive Ghost.

Director: How should we show the newfound power and confidence these girls have? The sheer empowerment they feel?

Intern: Have them walk confidently and react to situations without being self conscious because they feel comfortable with who they are and know they don’t need to change themselves because they’re already perfect just the way they are.

Director: *blank stare*

Intern: Change everything about them and make them look like sluts?

Director: Brilliant! Make it happen!

My family is the weirdest combination of rich white people and crazy-ass redneck

Like,

Our fridge has a designated beer drawer filled exclusively with cans of Bud light, but our silverware is organized by use, with the soup spoons separate from the regular spoons, the dinner forks separated from the desert forks, and the butter knives separated from the cheese knives, and each is used as such

Our welcome mat says “trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again” and then you walk into the house and immediately see an ornate china cabinet filled with polished silver china, directly to the left of which you will see a machete hanging from a rope on the wall

Upstairs you will find a TV sitting on top of a broken TV, using it as a stand, and if you walk farther down the hallway you will come across a full liquor bar, filled with respectable alcoholic beverages such as cognac, surrounded by pictures of women in the traditional “skimpy German Bar Wench” outfits, then directly opposite this is a random weight bench and various scattered exercise equipment on the floor, because there was space for it I guess

(Credit to CollegeHumor for making this wonderful trailer)

An Enchanted Map

it shows you a map of an area of your choosing in any amount of detail but every time you use it the DM plays the map song from Dora first. it plays in-game too.

Kenzie is honestly the best character in the entire show (Bo is still bae though)

Time to go dig up another grave! You know, for science...

The average human body contains enough bones to make an entire skeleton

Printers: now with attitude

I get this ALL the time

seriously you guys, make up your mind

neurotypicals: why are you so weird? you’re really weird

me: I’m autistic

neurotypicals: but then why are you so normal? you’re really normal

People are always telling me I spend entirely too much time in the gym for someone who has no interest being a professional athlete, and like, I’m glad some of you had normal, well-adjusted childhoods or whatever, but some of us are out here fist-fighting our demons, so why don’t you mind your business, Trevor?

Salem the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Salem was sentenced by the Witch's Council to spend 100 years as a cat, as punishment for trying to take over the world.

And he’ll be dammed if he ain’t gonna be a sarcastic attention whore the entire time

I like the idea of witches familiars being monstrous beasts that witches have trapped in the bodies of small animals. They can no longer wreck havoc on villages for fun or whatever monsters do, so they just sit there being a convenient source of magical power and acting grumpy about it