How Long Has Your Physical Form Been Residing On Earth?

Group projects be like

I asked you to “sign me the fuck up”, not “assign me the fuck-up,”

I’ve always been a bit of a kleptomaniac, but to this day I’ve never taken anything that made any logical sense. For example:

A wrench off the top of a fire hydrant

A coil of rope from behind a dumpster (it wasn’t dirty)

A big ass tree branch I carried for two miles that barely fit in my friend’s car; reaching from the driver’s seat through the little door thing and into the trunk

A broken piano from the side of the road that I dragged toward my house for half a mile before giving up (pianos are heavy)

Shout out to all the ghosts who died naked or at ugly sweater parties or in that one outfit you wear when you haven’t done laundry in weeks and you’ve run out of options

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN HOW IS ANYONE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL DRAGON BABY?!??!?

I have a friendship that is literally just this

Just her keeping me updated on all the shit happening in her life

I hate so many people I’ve never met, like, if we were walking and she was like, “yeah that’s Jared over there” I’d strait up punch a bitch and he’d have no idea why

#memes #funny 

Favourite songs too short? Turn your favourite song into a 2-hour album with just one simple trick! Passengers in the car are gonna love it!

With the way 2020 has been going, this sounds more like a prophecy at this point, and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised

There were oddly shaped giant squids who could hijack the human neural system. That’s why going around at night outside the gates of my campus alone was deadly. I had to leave, though, because it was better than the ghosts and whatever else I had accidentally set free from under the school floorboards previously.

But they were the coolest and you had to own a shit ton to set on your desk next to the eraser that actually worked or your life was meaningless

these dont erase ANYTHING