Narcissistic Trait Lists: A Dangerous Corner Of The Web Breakdown Post

Narcissistic Trait lists: A Dangerous Corner of the Web.

The popularity of narcissistic traits on the web looks like it is at it’s peak right now, comments all over sites like Quora and Reddit, forums, websites and even Twitter “specialists” are everywhere, but not all of the information given is accurate. Although some information is completely valid for an experiencer of narcissistic abuse who is writing of exactly that, their own experience, some people are just there to suck up a loyal following who will pay them for advice, follow them on social media, and provide them with the public likes, re-tweets, and adulation that they need. Notice anything here?

Narcissistic behaviour is not something that can be diagnosed by the general public, in fact, it should never be so, but spotting a narcissist is a great way to keep ourselves safe from their careless behaviour, so what is the work around? How can we, as individuals, not get caught up in the programmed behaviour that is being set out by people posting information that may not apply to all, whilst also keeping ourselves safe from unnecessary crap?

There are a few basic things about narcissistic behaviour that can be pointed out as fact for many of them, although these will be interchangeable, and and entire context should be applied for the individual in question. Additionally, nobody can escape the fact that many narcissists do scour information on the web to train themselves into known passive, submissive, readily acceptable, or caring body language and behaviours, but be assured that this is not to self improve their own narcissism and become more compassionate towards others, it is just another way for the narcissistic person to net people in and “take them for fools” - that’s their words not mine by the way heh.

If you, the reader, have had trouble with many narcissists before, you will be a little more equipped because it is likely that you may have noticed some narcissistic patterns or other repeating across the board already. I have noticed some in my own experiences, which is why I can post you the following short few things which I call a The Skeleton. I call it The Skeleton because this is the framework that the narcissist is operating on in basic terms across the board, and it is where many of their further behaviours spring from. Noticing a skeleton has helped me get to the real reasons for a persons woes on many occasion, so here goes.. but remember, not everybody who does one of these things is narcissistic, there is always a wider context and individuality that must be taken into account.

Intense Staring

Narcissists do this, but in a way that is bare faced odd. It will be uncomfortable for you, and strange. This is because you are two things; prey, and someone that they are trying to work out so that they can get in.

Inferiority and Superiority Imbalance

Either one will be out on display, although usually it is superiority. Superiority is an attempt to cover the painfully inferior feeling person beneath, although if you are seasoned you may see the inferiority first.

Lies and Dishonesty

Lies will be obvious, repeated, and quite courageous.. too courageous in fact, as if they even believe in what they are saying themselves. Dishonesty and lies will occur in just about anything, although it usually always serves a narcissists self protection, greater plot, or protecting such a plot from being exposed.

Unreciprocated Use of People

Narcissists must find a beneficial use for each person, or else they are useless and to be discarded. This is wildly different from a healthy relationship where people get their needs met because narcissists are in for what they can get alone and get nothing from reciprocating, unless it is still early days and they are trying to win you over.

Stupified Eye Response and Facial Expression

If you catch it, there will be times where the narcissist (and also a psychopath whilst we’re here) will have a look on their face that looks like they have just had a few swift blows to the head with a baseball bat. It usually occurs when they are incensed about something, which more is often that their current plot is not working out or has not worked out entirely.

So that’s The Skeleton from my perspective, although remember, there is always a wider context and individuality that must be taken into account when noticing these signs.

Many people read similar trait lists and find something in everyone, like a one size fits all, and to me that is quite a dangerous corner that we have been programming ourselves to sit in. The truth is that narcissism is a scale, anyone can become one given the correct surroundings and experiences, and that there is such a thing as healthy narcissism which we all must have a little of in the world.

I will be posting again about The Skeleton, breaking down some interesting points about it so if you're interested, keep a look out for that.

Stay awesome :)

© Thursday 10th Feb 2022

Narcissistic Traits: When is it Fucked Up?

... when it is to do with somebodies eyebrows.

I came across a study that studied what people thought, and I’ll add, based on appearances over behaviour, when people perceive the eyebrows of another person. No, I am not joking and yes, this is one of those things that I could only dream was fake news. 

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/324971942_Eyebrows_Cue_Grandiose_Narcissism

The study revealed that thick, well groomed eyebrows were a narcissistic trait by viewers standards, and going on the trends of increasingly large eyebrows in the last five years, I’d say that this was well dangerous to put out publicly and only highlights to me just how dangerous narcissistic trait lists online can be for a person.

With these trait lists we are leading ourselves into an era where people feel that they are entitled enough to call others narcissists, and a lot of the time quite publicly. The problem with that is, that unless the person doing it is a registered psychiatrist or related health professional with the full, educated understanding of the disorder, people who shout out narcissist are making a slur. A self entitled slur that only shows the speaker of such words for who they truly are.

Quietly, we can decide for ourselves that someone has traits that we would rather not have in our lives and move on swiftly, but where there is a need to openly and directly name someone a narcissist and holding no qualification to do so, we have to look at the motive behind that need, for that is where the real problem lies.

Something a former care taker would often say to me as a teenager being a teenager: it’s not big and it’s not clever. 

Don’t worry eyebrow groomers, I’m not blanketing you with this one. 

Dreamwork, the Beauty and the Boundary Violation

Dreamwork is an interesting area of human life that easily gets caught up in a nightmare, so I wanted to write a short bit about that today and define what dreams (and nightmares) are, which can sometimes help stop the fall.

Dreams (and nightmares) are the brains way of resolving things that have not been processed in waking time. It is a bit like doing a format or defragging of a hard drive, sorting out the bits and pieces that either didn’t make a connection, or were just not sorted into the correct place so that they could be moved on from. In machines, that is processing. We are not machines, but as humans, it is pretty much the same processing story for us, with the exception that we are feeling beings, and that we get mystified by things sometimes.

Working out our dreams is something that we can all learn to do, and for those who can look objectively, whilst utilising empathy and an understanding of psychology, Dreamwork with others can be really eye opening for the receiver. The best part however, is that once you have started to work with someone else on Dreamwork, it becomes impossible to not then go forward in being able to realise the individual meaning of dreams for one’s self.

There is another side to the coin though. Dreamwork is a largely overlooked area for potential abuse that is worth remembering, in case it starts happening to ourselves or someone else that we love or care about deeply. Such an open, repeated vision into the boundaries of the personal psyche should only be shared with those that we undoubtedly know that we can trust.

The Scales of Empathy and Narcissism.

Having a strong sense of self is really important. Not having it means getting easily swept away in other peoples intentions, and not realising until later on.

What well meaning “trust your gut” and “engage your empathy” people do not understand is that when empathy is overly high, a sense of self is lacking, and there is no “trust your gut”, there is only the other person, making it impossible to feel or see what is going on in real time.

It is for this reason that I created this simple scale, which I call The Scales of Empathy and Narcissism. I like the idea of balance, but would like to point out that this tool would be used in a non obsessive way as something to refer to in the need of self reflection or understanding a situation. Put simply, it is a self development tool.

Each side are the total extremes of what they are, with a nice, easy going balance found somewhere in the middle. 

                Empathy      <---- balanced -----> Narcissism

                Over Caring <---- balanced ----> Under Caring

                Oneness      <---- balanced ----> Individuality

                Humility       <---- balanced ----> Arrogance

Using this basic scale on an inward basis means that I can see where I myself might be tilting towards less than optimal living, and when observing somebody else, or someone that I am just not quite sure about, the scale serves to remind me of the real world dangers of continuing any interaction with that person, or even business and establishment.

I find it is a good tool for looking at my own sense of self and understanding where my habitual tilt is so that I could understand more, and recognise who I really am as opposed to what any serial projectors might be saying.

The real key to all of the extremes on the scale is in the first one. By finding a comfortable place of balance that is suited to who you are as an individual person, an optimal way of living can be found.. after all, too much of anything can be a bad thing.

Stay excellent :-)

© Saturday 19th Feb 2022

Resting in the Name of Shitheads.

Shitheads exist. 

I can thank them, since I get to be a major brain engager after having to repeatedly navigate their torrid little worlds, and get out the other side in one piece. In hilarious paradox, it is usually shitheads that are not in one piece, they are often split personalities, Jekyll and Hyde types who are in one moment giving hugs and happiness, and in the next punching you in the face because “your face makes me want to”.

Resting means re-finding and remaining in what never changes, which is essentially who you are inside, despite any hurt, pain, and suffering. Despite any of the low self esteem brought on by being in shitty company with deeply imbalanced, disrespectful interactions. Despite being told that you are anything else but who you are, who you are never changes and in resting there is always a safe, welcoming home.

Shitheads do not have such a home. They see other peoples homes, envy them, and seek to either occupy them fully, or destroy them completely - one of those is impossible, and the other only temporary, like a bad tenant, the type that leaves their trash behind and does not take care of what helps shelter it from the worlds trials and tribulations.

By resting, left behind trash can be cleared through and recognised as something that never belonged to us to begin with. There is zero responsibility, nor obligation to keep that trash in safe storage, so in whatever way that trash is turfed out of your beautiful home matters not, but you can bet it will matter 100% to the owner and they will not enjoy it’s appearance back into their lives.

Put the shit back where it belongs, with it’s shithead owner.

Sending love :) <3 

Predatory Gazes: Black Footed Wildcat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6d9rqhivQY

If you can spot the Black Footed Wildcat’s amazing facial expression on landing her prey in this clip (around 1:32), then you’l be seeing a big similarity in the reptilian brained, predatory nature of some human beings in action. 

My sons father matches the expression entirely in a photograph that I have where he was on a drunken, drug fuelled Christmas Day hatred rampage. I have decided that I cannot post his picture here for privacy reasons, but if you have seen this face in someone already, then you will know when you see it in this sweet clip of the the Black Footed Wildcat hunting. 

The human version is not so cute.

Radicalisation, Hate, and the Great Die Out.

I didn’t write for a while, it is hard work using my brain to the extent that I do so time off is necessary, as any hyper vigilant person may already know... and for the record, I am playing with this “great die out” in the title. You should know that I classify those using phrases like “the great reset, the great bla bla, etc” as radicalised people.

I want to write about our ongoing, and in my view, dangerous journey that is deepening into the world of single mindedness.

By single mindedness, what I mean is the one track, intolerant, anti diversity that our brains appear to be being trained into, by what often traces back to source as social media.

It doesn't only track back to social media, it also tracks back to certain public speakers, those of which who rightly so, hold their own beliefs and value set in the world, but instead of keeping those various laundries at home on the drying rail amongst friends and family sharing a cup of tea and a biscuit, they are taken out in front of great audiences both in person and online, with the intention of letting people know that their view is the only one that matters.

The problem with that is where some people in the audience have a tendency towards hate, and in many ways would like to act out that hate as a form of completion in their lives to please a specific person, being, or god. They really just want to please themselves.

Beliefs of people are one thing, but when they are pushed upon others as the “right” way above others personal will, then what we are dealing with is a person who wants to radicalise others into their own ideas about how life is to be lived.

Most of the obvious people who do this in the public eye are acting under the guise of religion. They are permitted to be there because they tout the religion as the reasoning behind their thinking, but looking at them all it is easy to see they are simply incredibly old fashioned. They, powerless in a rapidly changed, and still changing world, are struggling to grasp with the realities that they now find themselves in and perhaps have deep, survival based needs to make the modern world that they now find themselves in even more evil than it ever has been.. even though we come from a time where the iron age was probably as gruesome as it gets, and open incest is catalogued in their written histories.

Despite all of our efforts to be beautiful in the world, inclusive and if we like, engaging in of all of our individual, creative worlds, hate will preside both in the overground and the underground, but at least in one projection I can see high potential for the old fashioned overground to simply die out as the arrow of time continues to direct us all ever onward, and onward’s :)

Public speakers who preach hate trickle down their one track ideas to the next generations, but the beauty is that each generation waters it down before the hate it becomes nothing, non existent.

May you all be beautifully blessed, and sending extra massive love to the trans community and all those creating with genders, non genders, roles, and identities right now.

For Victims of Abuse Who Feel Betrayed.

There is no rule that says that anyone has to like or accept cruel people, and personally, I would not even trust those who do so.

There is also no rule that says that anyone has to forgive them, unless some religious or healing aspect comes into it, where people try to win the power struggle in becoming superior to their abuser. That can be helpful, but it is not something that I would personally advocate.

Let’s have some eye opening discussion.

If the need to be liked and accepted in someone is that strong that people who create incessant cruetly are welcome and acceptable, then the person may well be an Apath (sometimes termed as “flying monkey”), a dangerous being who stands by on the fence as abuse continues, and in their own quietly masked way, support them in their endeavours in the hope of never becoming the target to the persons cruelty themselves. 

Abusers wont let apath’s off for it when they need another target, and will happily discard them in the same way as anyone else when they can no longer be used.

There is a high trend for acceptance of cruelty being created by people who think that they are doing the right thing, being all encompassing loving all human beings.

Psychologically that can help them cope if they have been victims of abuse themselves in life, with a situation which I know very well of experience wise, called Stockholm Syndrome being the culprit.

If you have been a victim of abuse and supporters of abusers are hurting you inside, that is completely valid and correct way to feel. I would hug you if I could, and say that you are in a fantastic state of mind, whilst those who are continuing the trail of cruelty are not.

Stay blessed :-)

© Saturday 19th Feb 2022

Controlling Behaviour: The Internet, Personal Boundaries and Self Development.

Spotting controlling behaviour in people has never been as transparent to the general public as it is at the moment. 

At the risk of sounding like one of those dodgy one tip to lose tummy fat web ad’s, the one big sign that gives people away is this: if a person has any thing to say about another person having had a Covid-19 vaccine or not.

Anyone (other than authorities such as the government, scientists, etc) that has an opinion about another persons vaccination status is openly displaying some fairly controlling behaviour.

Another persons vaccine status and decision on their body is really nobody else’s business but the individuals, and when I see people coming out with terms like “un-vaccinated people are selfish”, “un-vaccinated people should lose their right to healthcare”, I realise that I feel so uncomfortable about it due to how dreadful pushing an opinion on others really is. It is akin to extremism, but has another air to it that I cannot quite pin down yet. 

Questioning helped get me through.

Did we have this sort of attitude with other vaccinations?

In the unfortunate divide that has been created, what is different?

I’ll tell ya what I think at least. The difference is, social media / internet use.

People do not seem to understand how the information that we take in, scrolling through feeds and streams of it, shapes our own realities drastically more than the every day user would like to think. Yes we can curate things but we only have to take a quick glance at how politics and even BTS seeped into the lives of those who otherwise would not be interested.

Many people also do not have knowledge of things like Social Contagion, Collective Behaviour and the quietly insidious effects that these can wield on our own free agency.

Boundary busting, isn't it?

Plenty of us either mindful of, just learning, or adept at keeping personal boundaries intact can remain oblivious to those boundaries that we allow to be crossed online. Just by logging into an open text messaging service to the entire globe, such as Twitter, we gladly expose ourselves to the world of almost everything, trolling, hate crime, and other shitty stuff included. Many of us are already angry about being burned by companies like Facebook, a place where almost the entire content of lives and families were uploaded without question.

They were trusted. None of us knew.

Luckily, boundaries can be reinstated, but that almost always takes a bit of a shock to the system in realising that very quietly, without our realising, our boundaries were being crossed, and we may have been taking that into our everyday lives, with some being taught that boundary evasion is okay on both sides of the coin, being the crosser or the crossed.

The question we all have to ask ourselves is exactly that, is it ever okay to cross boundaries either way, both offline and online?. Asking ourselves this question can help us see where we are in terms of personal growth and whether we really are working towards a better society all round for humanity.

Keep being amazing :-)

Mild Tips on Dealing with Stalkers

Police in the United Kingdom are not great with stalkers and obsessional people, so it pays to have your own tool kit to navigate when this type of person strikes.

In the very beginning stages, and if you are aware of them, a stalker is stalking you before even contacting you. Creepily, they are watching you from some short distance, gathering all sorts of information both large and small, and when randomly presented.

The stalker builds a picture of their prey, often incorrect but littered with some facts that they might have accrued, which will be like little tokens of abuse when they start putting their delusional ideas to you, others, professionals, and police. They mix the two for their potent, psychological attack.

I have experienced various stalking incidents from both male and female predators which has allowed me to in turn, study them. They were not going anywhere fast, so I observed them and all of their behaviours until the cows came home - and in my mind, then trampled them to death heh. Just kidding, although they day that these stalkers naturally die in their own ways will be an absolute relief*.

When professionals and police do not understand what they are dealing with, and they often do not, they are easily duped by the stalker into their own worlds of delusion. I have seen both police and support worker walk straight into stories of protective lies and deceit that stalkers weave in order to keep their weird little worlds going, with they prey then being told that they are crazy, need psychological intervention, or are suffering due to their own past, previous poor relationships in the world.

Stalkers know very well what they are doing, they just choose to make it okay by means of rationalisation, lying, and deep, dangerous delusion. My advice? once you clock a stalker, do not give them anything directly, no confirmations of anything that they ask, no accepting of invites, no interaction where able, and if having to interact, be very bland. They are eternally bored, and adding to that boredom will potentially repel this freak.

Most importantly, tell absolutely everybody what has happened, be frank about it, and do not worry about feeling like you are spreading rumors about the stalker, because it is a true fact what is being told.. not what the deluded stalker would prefer as the truth in their own world. Get this persons weirdo card stamped wherever and whenever possible in your local community.

Unfortunately, stalkers will move on to another person. There is nothing that anybody can do about that but at the end of the day you must look out for yourself. If you spot others in your community struggling with the same person, you can offer them some reality affirming support because you understand first hand how the stalker is operating - no matter what it looks like, and no matter what the stories are that are spun, the person is a stalker, and a stalker can be absolutely anyone regardless of age, gender, roles, or what they look like. 

Stalkers are obsessional and delusional - do not allow them to impose themselves into your life.

Be blessed :)

* for the record, relief once a stalker has finally passed away is a completely natural feeling.