And Yet I Would Have Shoved It At You And Ran Away Because Regardless I Want You To Be Alright

I want to give you space.

What do I do if I see you in that stairwell?

I don’t know what to do.

WHY NOW OF ALL TIMES IT COULD HAVE BEEN EARLIER OR IT COULD HAVE WAITED ANYTIME BUT NOW PLEASE

“if i could i’d take it all away and have you be the happiest person to walk the earth because thats truly what you deserve. i know you’ve only ever wanted the best for everyone and im so so sorry that keeps backfiring on you hun.”

WHY NOW???

I’m so sorry for everything. I ruined everything for you and I’m so, so sorry.

Please god take away this false angel she’s rotting my brain and trying to control just like they all used to.

Except this time she’s up front about it.

This isn’t about anyone who’ll see this.

They should invent a new kind of Being Alive where it's not painful and it doesn't hurt constantly and actually feels worth it and you're happy for more than a few hours at a time

I made progress and growth today.

If you'd like to hear.

I made up with someone I've been upset with. I finally apologized to him and his friends.

They were happy that I was back.

I fixed that. I repaired my relationship there.

I really did.

I didn't do it to make them feel better this time.

I made a choice for myself finally, and it didn't end up hurting anyone.

I won't even be hurt by letting him back into my life. He's a good person.

someday, everything is going to turn out okay. you'll wake up with no blisters, no bruises, no scratches. you'll go about your day like normal, surrounded by people who care for you. you'll laugh and joke with them like you always have, and it will be easy to forget the hard times you had before.

it's all going to be okay.

stay safe.

thank you so much. there's so much going on that i don't even put in my blog but words like these make me feel cared about. I know there are people supporting me out there more then ever right now. Thank you for your kind words.

I won't stop here. I'll keep doing everything I can to get better.

And I promise I'll stop letting myself get hurt.

...the marks on my arms look suspicious but I promise they're just scrapes.

the wings and horns hurt so bad someone please distract me from this feeling

One of my best online friends is dying in the hospital right now.

He has a brain tumor and he's going in for surgery. He might die and he might go braindead depending on how the surgery goes.

His parent's don't care enough to be there with him so the only person with him is his therapist.

Please don't let one of the good ones die, God. I know he'll go to heaven, but he can't leave yet. He has so much ahead of him.

Ch if you die I don't know if I could handle it.