Romantisized Borderline.
If you have bpd this may triggers you!
Why the fuck would people even do that?
"I wan't a borderliner as my significant other."
No you don't. Its hell for you and for them.
You want someone who is absolutely obsessed, to the point just a wrong breath make them think you hate them.
You want someone who's probably is suicidal, self-destructive and self harming? "I can fix them." No you can't. Neither i think you can stop them.
You want someone that is extremly lovingly and affectionate only to become distant, ignoring and maybe even offensive in a eyeblink because they got triggered into Splitting or rage?
You want someone that probably feels offended if you need time for yourself or do spend time with your friends and don't answer your phone.
You want someone that may shouts and yells in one moment, only to cry and feel guilty in the next moment, maybe begging you to stay?
You do realise that its not just from time to time, but every fucking day? If they have a bad day's maybe even hourly moodswings?
You want just to help them? Thank you, but that's not your task in a relationship/friendship. Take care of yourself because the chance that you just ruin yourself is high.
Fuck, imagine cuddling in bed in a comfortable silence, they overthought something and suddenly push you off, just because a single though.
Wanna know what the worst is?
Maybe you noticed that I am extremely aware of my bpd. But that doesn't mean i can change, or fix myself. Because with the sudden overwhelming emotion, my mind is drowning in things like selfhate and that everyone will leave, no more awareness or control. I think its like that for many borderliners.
Please don't romantisize something people are suffering from. Thank you.
Romantic homicide- d4vd
Exactly what's happening during a split.
Oh, to feel unlovable...
.
Sometimes wonder how things will be if I manage to do it until I am like, 70.
Like, i would probably be a hated, grumpy old women and would still have bpd. Like.
It really does never leave.
Hm, i don't want to get that old anyway but its kinda weird to think about that, also I am pretty sure the old days would be extremely hard to deal with, constantly reminding how your body is to old to do the things you loved to do.
seeing other cluster Bs with only a platonic favorite person/attentive person/exception/equal person makes me so happy. RB if youre a cluster b with a platonic Favorite Person/Attentive Person/Exception/Equal Person!! you are so valid
"Your trauma makes you stronger"
No, my trauma gave me depression, quiet & self-destructive bpd, anxiety, insomnia and a inner child that desperately wants to get healed.
Scared of being alone, only pleasing other people desperately trying to have friends, to not be the outstander.
I was a child. I wanted to be protected by the persons that hurt me. I wanted their help & their love. And now I am the person struggling to accept care even though I want it because it makes me feel trapped & dependent. I am the person struggling to show love.
The World of Black & White thinking.
The World of a person with Borderline.
No grey. No purple, nor blue or Red.
Its just Black or White. Liking or disliking, loving or hating.
Perhaps, i call you my light. Oh, The love i feel for my light can feel so beautiful and warm. Go on, cheat, hurt me, break my heart. As lang as you are my light, i dont care. Just make me feel loved and cared for. I will do anything for you.
No matter how selfdestructive i will end up, oh i love you.
But if The light dies, and youre just a Black hole.. oh, i hate you. So much it hurts. I remember everything you did wrong and now i use it against you.
But what about tomorrow? Will you be my light again?
God, I wanna love someone so bad.
I wanna give them all of my time.
Text them during every single minute i can steal.
Cuddle them to sleep,
Caress their face,
Stroke trough their hair,
Binge-watching with them..
Someone who doesn't get annoyed.
Someone who gives me the same back.
Fuck Sex, i just wanna feel worthy for more.
I wanna feel loveable. I wanna feel seen.
I wanna feel them.
I had a fp from 2020 to 2023-
I wasn't diagnosed back then. They never knew how much and bad they managed to trigger me in the last year.
Anyways, i never had a episode infront of them except going all silent.
I thought our friendship would have ended, as with 2024 i started to only visit the stables (where we had to meet every day normally but due to stress i made with them the decision that they would take care of my pony until I finished apprentice.)
When i felt.. okay, not stressed, not bad, not extremely tired.. of course I started to have a better mood at the stable since then.
Since a long time i call them in the mornings to wake them up so they don't oversleep and still do, but, fuck.
They are so fucking nice to me again since 2024 began and we stopped seeing each other everyday, since I wasn't forced to go to the stables anymore because i don't have to feel guilty because of my pony even though I really love it.
My ex fp is so nice to me again i can't handle it 😠especially every morning on the phone.
I don't know how to work with this & this feelings.. they are still able to trigger me badly too.
Why is that so fucked up? What should I do?
I am scared. Also i want it to stay like now. BUT IT SCARES ME.
every person deserves love, but not every person deserves your love. @trxppedmind on tiktok :3
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