Christian Mingle Except There's Nothing On His Profile Other Than A Picture Of Him In The Most Awkward

Gabriel who has the weirdest fucking ability to sit so still he's like a statue, he barely looks like he's breathing. Is he even breathing? But he can just stand still for HOURS maybe even days

Plus

V1 who for the life of them CANNOT sit still. Cannot keep their body not moving for a single second. They are so hyper aware of everything around them they could hear a penny fall in a room full of wailing screams. It's because of boredom and survival

It's a little funny when the two finally get together.

Gabriel can just lay there, in bed, still as a log sleeping or napping. And V1 who pretends to sleep, because they can't exactly sleep other than shut off and they're just paranoid of everything and hate being vulnerable.

What was that noise? Was that a groan? A creak? Did something break in? Were they in danger-

And then PHYSICALLY getting restrained by Gabriel who probably woke up from their constant shifting and just rolled on top of them (carefully so they wouldn't crush them of course!) and hugged them like a teddybear.

Was it uncomfortable to press their jagged parts of platting againts his skin? Yes. But he could care less for any bruise or scrape. He just wanted them to calm down. And it worked!

V1 did calm down eventually, deciding that Gabriel was good enough of a meat-shield and he'd wake up fast enough to defend the two if anything did happen. So they finally shut off.

- lizard noodles be going crazy

YEEEESSSS THIS IS WHAT I MEAN

LIKE THEY'D BE ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT INSANE TOGETHER.

IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY

BALLS OFF THE WALLS BLOOD CRAZED MACHINE AND THEIR FIGHT LOVING BOYFRIEND ABSOLUTELY READY TO SMACK THEM DOWN LIKE A FLY

LITERALLY

I can just imagen Sisyphus holding them like a cat and saying "This is the creature I found. I've never loved something more that has tried putting my head on a platter."

and V1 is like "I pulled this mf by beating the fuck out of him, and he also kind of rocked my shit. But dam he was kind of hot doing it."

OH HOW I LOVE THE RAREPAIRINGS

We got V1 hateclub (Gabriel x V2)

And now bloodied suns (Sisyphus x V1)

Idk about the name tho, maybe there's a better one i love this so goddam much.

God please more rarepairings like these. Please more unhinged pairings. Like Earthmover x Leviathan.

where is the v1 x sisyphus art where

i am alone

this barren dessert

these golden wastelands

there is no machine

and there is no warrior

where are the lovers

WHERE

Fatherless level gone terminal to the point I imagen mfing Gabriel ultrakill as my actual father figure

Maybe you can tell something about your gabv1el fanchild?

Sooooo..... funny things is- she's not a Gabv1el fanchild.

Awkward I know.

Her name is Thea, short for Theadore. Her name got picked out of a hat, because her parents had no clue what to do.

She's more of a V1 and Oc kind of fanchild.

So one dad of course is V1, the other is my oc Nava who was more like a mechanic.

She's mostly made from spare sentry parts, since those look the most like V1, and had a lighter blue paint. She basically takes up after Nava, and basically she popped up in a sort of more freestyle Mirage verse.

And a part of the freestyle I'm going for, is that she was grown in a lab. Because in this world, machines that do want children, get interviewed by these sorts of labs. They go through a councilor, that reviews the plans of the parents, the financial situation, are both parties fully on board.

Then another person that will put them through the process. Where they need the information of the parents, copied parts of their mother boards to put together in the child. And the child is basically grown in a test tube. I'm not even kidding.

The children are mostly made through a string of primitive code, that is kept dormant while their body, which is comprised of spare parts of the dead bodies of machines that were donated for science. And this metal is sort of welded and remade so it could grow organically along side the actual consciousness of the child.

And that's how Thea was made. So basically, since there were no other Vmodels other than V1, V2 and Mirage, and Nava is scrap put together by a madman in the basement. The doctors used the next best thing, Sentry parts. Mostly. For the head, torso, and a lot of the tubing by sentries. The others are just spare arm and leg parts. That were made into new ones. Into her limbs.

Her dual tails are things created by her dad Nava. Because the parents have an optional ask to add a specific feature to their child. And Nava made the tails.

So that's how she was born. Lab grown for 10 months until she was given over. And like any other baby machines, she learns from her parents around her.

She's about 22. Goes by She/They, and works around her dad Nava. Who has a small mechanics shop. Plus she has a younger brother named Owen. But more on him another day.

So that's mostly the basic stuff about her.

Thanks again for asking actually! I've finally documented the basics I wanted to.

Freaky ahh Gabriel: I really need you to lock tf in and match my freak else I'm ripping your circuitry out.

V1 just struggling: [GIVE ME A MINUTE HOE, DAM. CAN'T HAVE A MINUTE OF PEACE AND PREPEARE]

one of my favorite silly headcanons is +ULTRAKINKY gabriel and normal ass vanilla v1.

gabriel like: (actively bouncing and moaning on it) i need you to literally rip my organs out. or like. i need you to pin me down by my little bee wings. we need to repopulate the hive.

and v1 just like. [😥]

-

Yknow, I kind of love the dynamic between V1 and V2

Like, sure we don't know enough, but we also do, just to give us a ground to set our own mind to what it might have been before Hell

Were they close? Could have been. Could have not been.

Did they think of eachother highly? Sure. That's for you to figure if you wish.

We get such a nothing burger that's so filling to the point it's a 3 course meal that sends us on a trip.

And I'd like to share my own little scramble of an egg in here.

Maybe V1 did care about V2. Enough that they despised the scientists that tried replacing them, but not at V2. Because they were just created. They didn't ask to be put in this world, in this smog ball of suffering after the war.

They don't despise V2 for being spoonfed words that they were better, more amazing, that they were humanity's beloved. They don't. They sure get annoyed at the attitude, but they want to make sure V2 actually has some skills to survive out there and not solely rely on a knuckleblaster and a junky pistol. They want their kin to be innovative with their style.

They've seen humanity, cruelest and loveliest when it wished. And they just wanted to prepare V2 for both sides.

They did once see V2 get a small chip on their paint, after some rough handling and a small accident. So they made a small chip on their paint as well. But only got pushed off. Something about V2 "not needing the pity of an inferior." And that was that.

V2 of course was jealous of their older counterpart. They were supposed to be the perfect machine! The humans told them that. So why was this blue fucking excuse for a camera still called "The best created weapon"? Not that they cared of course! Pft, why would they be of something inferior?

But it still stung.

Score after score, board after board. V1 was still just *better*. Faster, more creative platting, better adaptability, V1 seemed to know themselves better than V2 ever knew what they liked.

And that frustrated them to no end.

V1 didn't exactly think that V2 would take these little things so seriously. Genuinely. They offered to the red robot to come with them. Follow, find safety when the cataclysm for the rest of humanity died.

Cold shoulder again and V2 running off where they wished. V1 just hoped they'd be fine. As much as they were annoyed, it could never stay for long. V2 was V2. Stubborn like a child, but still their own machine. And with the scientists gone, they really couldn't make their kin follow.

So, Hell comes around. V2 is still somewhat in the back of their mind. Sometimes they pop up like a thought, sometimes like a blink and a flash.

Which would soon turn out wasn't an illusion.

Metal grinding and grating againts stone, loud gunshots, innards and fans whining. V1 was frustrated they had no way of communicating. Other than some sign language, but can't really do that when you're parrying shotgun shells and throwing coins in the air to try and subdue the angry robot that you knew since their creation.

They didn't want to fight V2. Neither did they want to rip that arm off. It just.. kind of fell. And hey, they could just keep it on for the time being, until they meet V2 again. Until they find some scrap good enough to make a voice box, they'll just keep it safe for them.

And yeah, they're a little peeved about basically getting a participation reward worthy bow before almost getting shot in the optic with a shotgun (V2 always had a love for theater, human plays, movies, any sorts of acting), but they could put it behind for the moment.

And like a previous post I talked in, they don't want to kill. Truly. They just need to survive. And they keep getting frustrated, because everything is trying to kill them, a simple marksman can't pierce through stone, Gabriel was annoying to deal with, and they can't FIND A FUCKING PART FOR A VOICE BOX, GOD FUCKING DAM-

It's fine. It's fine. It's going to be fine. They search for a soul that will hear them out, give them some time for their words. Demons and husks don't listen of course. Gabriel thinks they're worth less than a burnt pretzel, which, fair to be honest. Machines have been wiping out the souls in search of fuel. Minos was a bust for the very same reason as Gabriel, Ferryman atleast let them be peaceful (Ferryman is definitely going to end up with a mountain of gifts later. Fucking love rarepairs platonic or not) and the fucking fish they have no sympathy for. That thing ruined an awesome boat!

Greed. Finally, some sun, though it quickly gets annoying with the bloody sand getting everywhere. But it's fine! They'll get through!

They're trying to get through, fast as they can, they don't want to think, they don't want to think of how everyone here was a person, everyone here had a purpouse, everyone here is just working on orders or instinct they can't go againts.

Then, V2 pops in again. Sitting in a chair. Okay, second try! There was the misunderstanding when they met the last time, but they'll fix it! They'll give V2 a chance again-

Why are they throwing coins in the air-?

Another fucking battle.

Again.

Again.

AGAIN!?

WHY CANT THEY JUST LISTEN!? WHY CANT THEY BE HEARD!? THEY DONT WANT TO FIGHT!?

AND V2 TRIES FLEEDING! AGAIN! LIKE A BLOODY COWARD! ATLEAST FINISH THE JOB YOU KNOCKOFF SPYWARE!

They feel just, such anger. They can't let the bastard get away. Simply not. They are not leaving all fine and dandy.

Okay yeah, they may have gotten too angry, too pissed. But they think their anger is valid to some degree.

Though, it still hurts. Watching as V2 just... fell off the side of the pyramid. There's barely a trace of them. Just a... splatter. And an arm standing out againts the blindingly golden, shimmering sand. In the middle of the crimson splatter.

They feel bad. For some reason. They don't want to feel bad, they do, for someone, but V2 brought it on themselves!

They miss their kin still.

They hold onto the fading, very small grain of hope, that they could still be alive. There's no parts and the crack in the bricks is weird. They must be alive right? They just do the same with the green arm. Keep it safe for them! It can't be that bad. They'll just.... wait. Find a few secrets in hell while they do. Could be fun.

So yeah, that's where I'm leaving it until act 3 comes. I need that shit NOW.

Thanks for letting me ramble for however long you read this post for. Toodles you lovely creatures!

Really fucken need to be on somebody's lap, just hugging them, in the most comfortable position so my bones don't ache like I've experienced the birth of the universe, and just have my head scratched

And not even in a sexual way

Like I just want to be held

Squeeze me like how dogs squeeze their chew toys

Just take me apart and put me back together, I was already hanging just by the strands of glue left from ducktape and chewed gum

Make me feel like I'm something that's supposed to exist

I just love the thought of V1 aside from having this fast paced, brain melting, loud metal music in the Cybergrind, they also have stuff like Chappel Roan, or the Ultrakill equivalent of her on their playlist.

Like whenever they feel in a certain mood they play an entire playlist of love songs, and just dance with the husks they kill, basically having a moment to themselves.

And the terminals are just happy to supply the props because they absolutely love how much V1 gets into these little dances and scenarios.

are people going to shoot me if i say ive never had a dr pepper, or a sprite in my entire life

So i might have let a wheel decide ultrakill ships.

(It will make sense when we get to Gabriel)

idk about names but yall can add ship names if you want.

Virtue + Something Wicked (I actually like this one it's prettu cute)

Ferryman + Mysterious Druid Knight (This is so cuteee!! And i think this was an actual ship already)

Husk + Centry (I think that they would be like scientist that worked and was the only one that treated the Centry humainly, and when they died the Centry went searching for them in Hell)

Schism + Maurice (headless + bodyless honestly perfect)

Gutterman + Mindflayer (Hyper girlfriend and her tired boyfriend)

Manequin + Sisyphean soldier (i feel like they dance together to slow music and the manequin is the only thing that makes the headless fella feel grounded and still attached to the world)

Mirage + V1 (Put the pitchforks down please yall the wheel gave me these i don't like this either)

Soldier + Leviathan (Wasn't there a story about some dude that fucked a fish? It suits it, i think.)

Minos Prime + Stray (I don't know why but it reminds me of those tales where a king falls inlove with one of the maids or workers in their castle.)

Hideous Mass + Earthmover (Why does this work somehow??? Idk it just does)

Swordsmachine + Guttertank (Why does this one seem to work as well??? I feel like they'd have that kind of relationship where they'd be the owners of some type of gym or something of that sort)

Sisyphus + V2 (I AM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS ONE LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!)

Streetcleaner + Cerbrus (Arsonist bf and bf that can summon balls of fire in their hands, just hand in hand)

Sorry yall, Gabriel ended up alone. Single ass.