Latest Posts by xvxblahhhxvx - Page 5

The first time I heard that Asagiri said Dazai and Chuuya were the same soul in two bodies, I was a little confused. I mean, I love them too, but they're so different.

But now...

They both were forced to grow up too fast. They're both geniuses who can't relate to the world around them, yet at the same time, they both desire human connection. Both need to fight of nihilism, that feeling that life isn't worth it--even Chuuya, in Stormbringer, really struggled with the purpose of his own life. They both live for others and desire their connection, but the world doesn't let them have it.

And the loneliness.

The feeling of being a monster, a god of destruction. That they're bad, evil, inhuman. That they will never get they want, are forced to struggle for eternity, that there is no place in this world for two lonely demons like them who want nothing more than to be human...

Except for the arcade, where the two of them can just be teenaged boys for a moment. The same soul in two bodies reaching out for each other so they can be alone together.

I always find it funny how the Port Mafia was introduced like they were the ultimate evil and at this point, they're practically the good guys. The Agency and Port Mafia's relationship truly is the embodiment of "The enemy of my enemy is my Thematic Parallel™"

The BEST line from Stormbringer:

I mean...he's not wrong...

So we know that Chuuya complained about his fangs getting stuck, but in the newest chapters, it doesn't seem like he has them in anymore.

Which means that the order of events between the finale and chapter 113 (I believe that’s the number) went like this:

First, they walked back inside the prison, with Dazai still holding the antidote. Chuuya says, “don’t you think you oughta take it by now?”

Dazai shrugs. “I’ve got time.”

Chuuya nods. They make their way more into the prison. “Hey, don’t you think you better—"

“It’s fine,” Dazai assures him. Chuuya frowns.

“You aren’t just waiting until it’s too late, are you?”

No response.

“Dazai? Hey, Dazai, answer me—"

“I think I better go now—"

“TAKE THE STUPID ANTIDOTE—“

“No! I don’t wanna HEY WAIT—" Chuuya jumps onto Dazai sending him sprawling to the floor, and they have a long struggle and frankly ridiculous struggle, which involves Chuuya trying to inject the antidote while Dazai fights him. Eventually, Chuuya manages to restrain Dazai's arms with one hand, and shoves the syringe into Dazai's neck with the other. He’s sweating and panting as he throws it away and lets go of Dazai's hands. Bitter at having been defeated due to his lack of strength that tends to happen when you narrowly escaped death more times than you can count within the past half hour, Dazai comments, “you know, with that expression on your face and those fangs, you really DO look like a vampire.” Which reminds Chuuya of his current predicament. He gets off of Dazai and they seek out a bathroom where Chuuya spends a good deal of time in front of the mirror, trying to get the fangs off without hurting his real teeth. He attempts to google it, but complains about the lack of service and good wifi. Dazai reminds him ever so kindly that it’s a prison, idiot. So they trek all the way up to the first floor and Chuuya stands on the roof, above the wreckage and pile of blood, holding his phone up until google loads and provides him with solutions. They found a way, but in order to get the ingredients required, they’re forced to raid the cafeteria, much to Dazai’s delight. All the required ingredients are eventually collected, but Chuuya spent an extra half hour trying and failing to pull Dazai out of the cafeteria as he scoured places including but not limited to: the fridge, the freezer, every cabinet, all the pantries, and the so called “hidden pantry” where all the sweets were. They finally make it back to the bathroom, where after much bickering and pulling and coaxing, Dazai finally manages to yank off the fangs, causing Chuuya to emit a high pitched sound not unlike a girl’s shriek. Finally, they make it back to the room where Sleeping Beauty is, still quite unconscious.

“I just don’t get it,” says Dazai. He crouched down and stares Sigma thoughtfully. “Why hasn’t he woken up?”

Chuuya frowns. “Do you think it might have to do with the stab wound—?"

“Nah, couldn’t be. Not in this series.”

“Oh, right.” Chuuya examines him again. An idea comes to him. He turns to his partner, his expression perhaps a little too gleeful. “May I…?”

Dazai waves a dismissive hand. “Go for it.”

Which is how we arrive to the state of affairs in chapter 113. Dazai’s no longer self destructing or hungry, Chuuya’s fangs are gone, and Sigma will find himself with a SEVERE back pain when he wakes up.

Ok so my brain did a thing-

Concept: on a mission, Chuuya gets turned into a dog (you'll never guess which breed), and dog Chuuya immediately seeks out the Agency, specifically Dazai, so he can touch him and return him to normal. However, Dazai hates dogs and refuses to associate with him. Meanwhile, the Agency practically adopts him, Atsushi the most out of all of them, and eventually Chuuya just gets comfortable there, finally being taken care of instead of the other way around. He still trailed Dazai around the most, but he gave up and just started enjoying it. Until Atsushi finally convinces a very reluctant Dazai to pet him and it's just. Chuuya

Skk's relationship is so funny to me like Chuuya just barely doesn't hate Dazai. Just barely doesn't want to strangle him and stab him- well he does, but he wouldn't let anyone else do it to him either. Trusts him with his life and resents him for it at the same time.

Meanwhile, Dazai's over here just flat out in love and doing a very bad job at hiding it.

Asagiri said it himself: he intentionally left out the core of Dazai's character and we never really see his internal monologue ever, because as Asagiri says, it would seem like two different people the minute Dazai opens his mouth to speak.

He's a really, really complex character, and it's really cool how so many different people come to view him so differently. Including the fandom, ironically.

The only thing I'll say is that it's funny so many people hate him for the acts he's done and insist he hasn't changed at all when the entire theme of bsd is overcoming oneself and that you can be bad and choose to do good anyway, and Dazai, though still manipulative, is meant to be an example of this. Just interesting.

the strangest thing to me about the BSD fandom is the fact that the vast majority of people in it are dazai fans, while also consistently assuming the absolute worst of him, disregarding the circumstances around his actions and giving him no grace or consideration of his situation whatsoever.

there's no doubt dazai is a bad person in many ways. he did plenty of unjustifiable, inexcusable things. he's pathologically manipulative with a totally skewed moral compass, most of which was undoubtedly brought on by his upbringing in the mafia. but at the same time, i see such a huge number of people taking that and somehow ending up with - and vehemently defending - this idea that he's a remorseless, indifferent, innately cruel person by nature?

are we forgetting this is the same dazai who was forced to false-witness a murder at fourteen years old? the same dazai who already wracked up numerous suicide attempts barely out of his pre-teens?the same dazai who was referred to by everyone around him as a 'demon' at fifteen years old? the same dazai consistently described as having grief-filled, empty expressions and detached, vacant reactions to practically everything when he was so young? the same dazai that oda described as "a child crying in the dark, alone, left to fend for himself with a hole in his heart as large as the world itself"?

that dazai is an indifferent, heartless, innately psychopathic person? really? i'm not convinced.

I would say that bsd gets so many people into classic literature but to be fair I think it attracts the type of people who would get into it anyway and just needed an excuse.

People really don't take into account how much Atsushi suffered in that orphanage, or how much it affects his character. I mean, I hate his backstory that it had to happen to him, and he deserves all the hugs and sunshine in the world, but one thing I like is that it's not just a Tragic Backstory™ for the sake of being a Tragic Backstory™ like so many protagonists have. It's because of the abuse that he grew such a will to survive. He has to live because the world doesn't want him to, and yet at the same time, he still hates himself and feels he needs to earn the right to live, hence why he's so desperate to save people. It's not out of the goodness of his heart, though I believes it becomes more like that later on, at the beginning, it's just to earn the right to the life he so firmly desires. He's really not just a typical shonen protagonist with a sad orphan backstory because why not, but it really became a core part of who he is as a character.

Also, the next arc of bsd had better be reserved for every ada member giving Atsushi a hug and throwing him a birthday party because the way this arc is going and Fyodor like please just give him a break and let him eat chazuke please.

Tw child abuse

The earliest memory we have of Atsushi at the orphanage where his age is mentioned is 11 years old.

Atsushi doesn’t leave the orphanage until he’s 18. At minimum he’s been there for 7 years.

To put that into perspective that’s the same amount of time between Dazai and Chuuya meeting each as teenagers to reuniting in present day.

That’s a long arse time.

And we don’t even know the full extent of the the abuse Atsushi suffered.

Including but not limited too….

Having his foot nailed to the floor and then having to hold that position and “reflect on his actions.” (chapter 39.)

Kids cutting his hair as a prank (Omake 6. Yes that’s why it looks like that.)

Being subjected to a “point system” where other kids would get him in trouble to gain points (chapter 39. It’s also noted that losing points meant no food.)

Almost being killed twice as a child (chapter 35.)

Being burned to the bone (chapter 28. Atsushi compares his experience to Lucy’s who said she was burned by a hot poker. But we don’t know if that was the same thing used on him.)

Shibusawa torturing him for his ability (Dead Apple.)

Being locked in a cage for days (chapter 39. In this specific incident it was his 3rd day of imprisonment.)

Flashback of someone holding Atsushi’s head down in a bowl of water (chapter 35.)

Being held down and injected against his will, which both painful believed to be poison (chapter 39. Atsushi does later wonder if it was nutrients but it’s never confirmed.)

Having his ribs kicked to the point they broke (chapter 35.)

Not confirmed that the Headmaster ever shot Atsushi. But Atsushi believed the Headmaster bought the gun with him to punish him with it (chapter 39.)

Being told he’s nothing but a burden on the world and should vanish from the earth forever (chapter 1.)

Being kicked out the orphanage for causing wreckage with an ability they were purposely keeping from him that he had no control over (chapter 1.)

This poor boy. And who knows what else he went through in that place. And this was after being abused and then abandoned by his parents.

I need Atsushi and Chuuya to meet before bsd ends, because I just know they'd be besties.

Like, forgetting about all the deep thematic schtuff about them both being selfless and self-sacrificial, Chuuya would absolutely love the kid a) because he's strong and b) because he does not take Dazai's crud.

Like, Atsushi is by far the sassiest when it comes to Dazai, and with every comment calling him out, Chuuya would love Atsushi a little more. And also because he's Atsushi and anyone who doesn't love Atsushi deserves to be burnt at the stake just on principle.

I also think Atsushi would like Chuuya because he's very much not like Akutagawa. And, he'd be able to sniff the suffering in him in a second (as he does), and would befriend him in an instant. They would be the most chaotic duo ever and I will sell my soul for this to happen.

I bet Chuuya was terrified of dentists when he first joined the Mafia.

Because like. He grew up on the streets. I doubt any of them ever exactly got health insurance.

So the first time Mori informed him what a dentist was and how often he was required to go, he actually freaked out.

Chuuya: what do you mean you sit in a chair and let a stranger tamper around inside of you?!

Mori: It's just your teeth, Chuuya, and it's required.

He won't refuse an order, so he goes, terrified. And the second he enters and sees the chair he immediately starts "Oh grantors of dark disgrace-"

Only for Dazai to show up because Mori made him tag along in case Chuuya tried to get out of it. He had to stand there the whole time, because if he let go, Chuuya's power would destroy the office on its own.

And even though he's become used to it by now, Dazai will never. ever. stop making fun of how terrified he was that first visit, nor will he ever let him live it down.

They're on a mission, and Chuuya's trying to be intimidating. Only for Dazai to tell the enemy, "oh, don't be scared of this chibi. He peed his pants the first time he went to the dentist." (he did not. or at least, he claims he didn't. We'll never know the true story).

Needless to say, Chuuya made sure that any enemy who Dazai told didn't live to share the info. Which may have been Dazai's plan all along, it's hard to say. Either way, no matter how much time has passed, Dazai still can't resist making fun of him for him once in a while.

And after the mersault arc, when Chuuya couldn't get the fangs out, he may or may not have said "Oh no, perhaps you should go to a dentist-"

Chuuya kicked him in his broken leg.

Sometimes, I think about the fact that Odasaku and Atsushi were the only two people Dazai really cared about to ever ask why he wanted to die. (Oda in The Day I Picked Up Dazai and Atsushi in 55 minutes). Kunikida and Chuuya just acknowledged it and believed it to be a part of him. But Odasaku and now Atsushi wanted to know why. They wanted to understand him because they truly care about him and see his goodness more than anyone else and alifodishfsdlfd

Hc that when Chuuya grabbed Dazai's face during their first interaction it was because he wanted to get a better look at it because he's never seen the other half uncovered before.

I cannot put into words how much this line from the fifteen light novel means to me.

One hundred matches. They played close to a hundred games against each other. Because they're both just fifteen year old boys. Fifteen year old boys who were forced to grow up way too fast in a world that only dealt them trashy cards. Two boys who claim to hate each other...who found an equal in each other. Someone else they could be a child with. And in middle of a dangerous mission, a mission that involves Chuuya believing he's a god of destruction, a mission that involves Dazai searching for the old boss because he was forced to false-witness his murder, in middle of all of this, they played a hundred games at an arcade. Because they were just kids.

Bsd is really just a blend of every genre like you got detectives powers mystery guns violence trauma (lots and lots of trauma) war "rivalry" mafia book vampires and one time a character fought a dragon.

The fact that Akutagawa canonically wears glasses when he's not working:

Like....who are you, Clark Kent??? Does he think wearing glasses will disguise him because he's kinda sorta a wanted criminal? Or maybe, is his eyesight actually bad, but he wears contacts on the job because who the heck is going to be intimidated by a Victorian child in glasses.

Either way, I require a light novel's worth of explanation.

Oh and don't even get me started on Dazai. What he did would make way more sense coming straight from the Mafia, letting everyone kill each other. It doesn't feel like something Dazai would have done already being with the Agency for two years, and he's never killed anyone in present (he tried with Fyodor but...yeah. Also it's fyodor it's fair). And then him talking to Kunikida about the dangers of his ideals...it's all things that would make sense happening after he recently met Kunikida, not someone who's been in this organization for two years now.

Having the events of Dazai's entrance exam take place before the start of the series rather than during it really makes Kunikida's character make so much more sense. Specifically why, at the beginning of the series, he was really hesitant to save Atsushi, or have Atsushi save Kyouka. It's not out of rudeness or apathy. He won't let himself care, because he tried before. He tried to bring up a kid that had a bad life, and it only ended in failure. The events of the Azure Messenger arc really shape Kunikida's character into being someone who wishes he was a hero, but isn't. That he can't save everyone. So when Dazai saves Atsushi, at first, Kunikida doesn't want to grow close or allow himself to care because he feels that this too is only going to end in failure. Hence what he tells Atsushi about he and Kyouka both drowning if there isn't enough room on the boat (the metaphor admittedly makes more sense when he said it). It just adds so much in respect to his character if it happened before the events of the series as opposed to during it, because then it just makes Kunikida out to be super uncaring. But he's not. He just doesn't want to get his hopes up until he can truly accept the fact that this time, it might end better.

Something about how the "evil" half of double black are the ones who push it onto the next generation.

Mori decided to make Chuuya and Dazai work together because Natsume did for him and Fukuzawa.

Dazai forcing Akutagawa and Atsushi together.

You could attribute this to Mori and Dazai both being manipulators who are trying to utilize people for their benefit, but I think it's more than that. They know what it feels like to have that light in their lives. To partner up with "good" person. So much so that they want to push it onto the next generation, because they want the one they see themselves in to have that light in their life. Dazai wants Akutagawa to have Atsushi to temper that darkness. Mori wanted Chuuya for Dazai to give him a reason to live. Maybe one day Akutagawa will be pushing a different version of skk in some other lost soul he sees himself in, trying to save him in the only way he knows how. And the cycle will continue.

I love how every time Fyodor opens his mouth to speak in the last few chapters Atsushi's face is just like "No no no no shut up shut up SHUT UP-"

Unfortunately, he does not.

You know, for as much as bsd has spiraled, I don't think Fyodor's motivations have really changed all that much since we first met him.

He's always hated ability users. A fact which I think a lot of people tend to forget is that most regular people don't know that much about them, except that they were part of the war. They know they exist, but in contexts like the Port Mafia and vaguely aware of the Agency's existence. They're not people who are liked, they have to be watched by the government, and Fyodor's always hated them.

He wants to rid the world of ability users, because he believes they are a sin (despite him being one himself). We don't know why, and I don't want that Tragic Backstory™ because I'm happy hating him as he his now, but that's been the case ever since he tried to have the Agency and Mafia defeat each other. Ever since the movie where he was willing to team up and cause a Gifted Genocide via Gifted Suicide. Also, he's kinda right about Fukuchi's plan being flawed like...yeah, world domination has never worked out well in the past. So him wanting a war against all Gifteds and manipulating Fukuchi to do it actually makes tons of sense, considering what we know about him. He thinks that peace will come as soon as the Gifteds are done with.

Having the events of Dazai's entrance exam take place before the start of the series rather than during it really makes Kunikida's character make so much more sense. Specifically why, at the beginning of the series, he was really hesitant to save Atsushi, or have Atsushi save Kyouka. It's not out of rudeness or apathy. He won't let himself care, because he tried before. He tried to bring up a kid that had a bad life, and it only ended in failure. The events of the Azure Messenger arc really shape Kunikida's character into being someone who wishes he was a hero, but isn't. That he can't save everyone. So when Dazai saves Atsushi, at first, Kunikida doesn't want to grow close or allow himself to care because he feels that this too is only going to end in failure. Hence what he tells Atsushi about he and Kyouka both drowning if there isn't enough room on the boat (the metaphor admittedly makes more sense when he said it). It just adds so much in respect to his character if it happened before the events of the series as opposed to during it, because then it just makes Kunikida out to be super uncaring. But he's not. He just doesn't want to get his hopes up until he can truly accept the fact that this time, it might end better.

I really, really hate when people say that Dazai doesn't care about Akutagawa and that he never did.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that what Dazai did to him was right, nor that it was justified. He treated him awfully, he abused him, and I'm not trying to insinuate that his treatment was fair, or that his motives excuse the actions. But what I am trying to say is that the motivation behind it wasn't cruelty, both in the past and present.

For starters, this is the interaction when they first met, from the short story The Heartless Cur:

He told him right off the bat that he wouldn't be treating him well. He never forced Akutagawa into anything, and even offered to give him and his sister enough money to live the rest of their lives content, never to hear from him again. But he told Akutagawa he might be able to give him a reason to live-something the boy had been lacking his whole life. By giving him a "master" as the short story says, someone to look up to and follow. Again, the way he was treated was brutal, but Dazai's intentions weren't evil.

Now, I don't want to do a "Dumbledore said calmly" meme, BUT... check out the difference between this scene in the anime vs this scene in the Dark Era light novel (apologies if the audio sync got a little messed up)

Dazai sounds frustrated, like Akutagawa isn't worth the breath it takes to speak of him. But vs the light novel...

Yeah. Pretty different. This scene came after the one where Dazai punched and shot Akutagawa for killing the soldiers, forcing Akutagawa to learn to use his ability in a way he never had before. And then now- "Dazai grinned from ear to ear" - that sounds a lot like he's proud rather than ashamed. He clearly does think Akutagawa is powerful (as Atsushi says later on, Dazai acknowledged him long ago). And then he admits that he truly feels he could be powerful, and that Akutagawa would destroy himself had he not stepped in to train him.

Now. This doesn't make what he did right, and we see from Beast how Akutagawa might have turned out if someone like Oda had been the one to find him and take care of him. But the fact of the matter is, Dazai believed he was doing this for Akutagawa's own good. And this was the world he lived in; Dazai was incapable of treating someone like Akutagawa well in the place he was in mentally. He saw his own darkness in him, and therefore, couldn't treat him the same way he could Odasaku and Ango. But he did care for him, and more importantly, he wanted to help him learn to stop killing.

Which brings us to the present.

Dazai's actions towards Akutagawa, especially at the beginning of the series, are of a different nature than they were in the past. He doesn't hit him, but he riles him up. Tells him Atsushi is better than him with the intent that he'd go after him brutally. Hangs up on him, makes him desire Dazai's approval, essentially manipulating him in both the finales of season two and three, as well as in season five. And this is for one reason that is expressed in beast: he believes that Akutagawa and Atsushi would work extremely well together, but that they'd need to fight in order for their souls to truly connect and for that trust to be built up. Dazai admits that he'd been considering them as duo since the moment he met Atsushi-which proves he never forgot about Akutagawa, or even considered him second rate in terms of power. But he felt that he needed to push Akutagawa in order for the two of them to connect, putting both of them in danger, yes, because he knows that the two of them possess strengths that balance the other out, both in literal attacks and in their philosophies. Which is why he looked so happy at the end of season three when Atsushi tells him about the deal with Akutagawa not killing for six months. Atsushi was able to reach out to Akutagawa in a way Dazai never believed himself capable, even if he had to manipulate both subordinates to achieve it. And again, this isn't to say that Dazai is right for using the both of them like that, or treating Akutagawa like dirt in order to force a relationship with Atsushi. But it wasn't down of out malice or apathy, that Dazai never truly cared for him and only for Atsushi. Because if that were true, he wouldn't bother to have them work together the way he did. It also comes down to the fact that Dazai himself grew as a person since he met Akutagawa. And this is most evident in the finale of season two, when he puts his hand on Akutagawa's shoulders, smiles genuinely and says "you have become strong." Only after does Akutagawa temper his anger and desire to kill to work with Atsushi to protect the city, Dazai calls him strong in more ways than one. Because all he ever wanted for Akutagawa was, in a way, what Odasaku and the rest of the agency was telling him in beast: to control the raging beast inside of him before it consumes him.

This isn't to say that the abuse was justified. That it was ok for Dazai to insult him and use him in order to achieve his goals. But I really hate when people say that Dazai never cared for Akutagawa, because at the end of the day, it's not true. And that's what really hurts the most about abuse-most of the time, it's done out of love than malice.

I think having the Agency members being accused as terrorists really adds a lot to their character and just how far they're willing to go in that type of situation.

Like Kunikida stealing a car (that had auto-theft insurance)

Like Fukuzawa making a deal with Mori, even willing to trade a member to the Mafia if it meant their safety.

Like Atsushi willing to make a deal with Fitzgerald if it was to get back his friends and save the Agecy.

And then there's Ranpo...

"We're terrorists now? Cool, that means I get to blow stuff up!"

Every bsd ship ever

The two best reasons to ship anything are:

1.Incredible, deep and detailed narrative themes. The parallels that seem to hit just right, the narrative foils that they can be to each other, the intricate dynamic that's both extremely complex and easily understood. The juxtaposition between something that's harsh and undoubtedly toxic, with the softer undertones, the parts where you read in-between the lines and find a mutual feeling of loneliness from both parts, their intrinsic understanding of each other comes from the mere fact that they're each others mirrored reflections and shadows. In the end both sides will be together forever, and you as an audience can clearly see their tragedy laid out before in a path that blurs pure anguish and tender romance

2.It would be so fucking funny

The only acceptable way for bsd to end is with Atsushi standing over Fyoghurt with a knife, Epic the Musical Vengeance Saga style.

"You can't kill me."

"Exactly!"

*Cues angry stabbing while Dazai holds onto Fyoghurt to stop his ability from taking over Atsushi*

"HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HELPLESS-"

Dead apple really fits in perfectly with bsd, because we know and love this movie, but ask anyone who watched it and they couldn't tell you what the hyuck it was about.

I wanna talk about Odasaku for a second, and his character arc in Dark Era

I love Odasaku, and one of the things I love about him is that he's not just there to be the friend Dazai loved and lost, he's a really deep character who grows over the course of the Dark Era novel, and he learns how to speak up.

I feel like his arc is mitigated in the anime, and I'm not going to be blaming it necessarily, it's just that a book written in first person POV is able to achieve a lot more depth to the MC over the anime , which is forced in nature to take a more third person, observational take to the character.

Dark Era spoilers, obviously.

The first thing I would like to bring up is Oda's personality, and for that, I'm actually going to start this analysis off with using a quote from Beast, of all things, because this was honestly the best description of Odasaku ever.

The best way to describe Odasaku's personality is obliviously perceptive. He's really smart, and somehow a complete airhead at the same time. When you read either Dark Era or The Day I Picked Up Dazai, you can sense this in an instant. How this pertains to his relationship to Dazai in particular is that he sees things. He knows that Dazai is hurting deeply, he's one of the only people who sees past the dark exterior and the child deep within, but at the beginning of the book, he won't say anything. He puts Dazai on this pedestal in a sense, and doesn't believe that his input is warranted, and he says nothing, even when Dazai is a walking cry for help. After listening to Dazai casually admit to a suicide attempt via banging his head against a hard tofu block without batting an eye, that's when Ango arrives and tells him off.

However, the conversation quickly shifts, and the matter isn't brought up again.

The next time someone tells Odasaku to speak up when he's summoned to Mori's office, and is greeted with a rather...bizarre scene. Still, he's a low-grunt of the Mafia, and Mori is the boss, so he lets whatever stuff is going on fly, until he eventually interrupts, ignores whatever was going on, and announces his presence. Which prompts the following conversation:

Still, it's apparent he doesn't take these words to heart, and continues to perceive almost everything, but never comments. However, something soon happens which brings to the surface just how deeply ingrained Oda's reticence truly is.

After Oda was chased by the enemy snipers, most of them had enough holes in them never to rise again. Until one picks up a gun and aims it at Dazai, the enemy executive, all other backup too far away to offer any aid. Instead of trying to avoid it or stop it, Dazai walks right up to the enemy and says , paraphrased "shoot me, please shoot me." The whole time, Odasaku's desperation is palpable, and unlike the anime, he attempts to stop Dazai from this blatant self-destruction by calling his name and then screaming it, thinking that he felt they were a million miles apart. After the ordeal, when Dazai faces his friend again, he offers all his excuses, how he knew the sniper would miss, but Odasaku wasn't satisfied. And this is where we get the first hint at how Oda really feels about this:

He wants to say something. He wants to punch him for the stunt Dazai just pulled, because he sees the truth. He sees the child inside of him. But once again, he's restrained by the apparent gap between them in rank and mind. Another important thing to note is that throughout the novel, Odasaku considers their difference in rank a bigger barrier than Dazai does. He makes comments about Dazai helping him, the low runt in the Mafia, but the executive doesn't care. Here once again, Oda is inhibited by this apparent gap between them, but this scene is also growth for him in the sense that he understands that there's a problem here. Earlier, he passively listened to Dazai speak of suicide, but faced with a barely disguised attempt, with the true demons inside of Dazai's mind, he wants to stop him, to reach out, to tell him that it's not ok. But he can't. Not yet at least.

After a later incident, we're given a flat-out description of Odasaku's philosophy, and why he chooses to remain silent. When the two of them are at the restaurant, discussing the enemy, and when Dazai realizes they might actually be a formidable opponent, he laughs, elated with the notion that perhaps he might be beaten. And that's when we get perhaps the clearest look into Odasaku's mindset:

There's a lot to unpack in this interaction: first, we see how much Odasaku truly cares for Dazai, how much he wishes he could rid his heart of the darkness buried deep inside. But the problem is, he believes he can't. He doesn't think he could do anything, at first, he's not sure what to say to him because what could he say? He doesn't think he can reach him. And then the all important line "What we see is everything, and everything we see, we ignore. All we can do is stand before the deep ditch between us and others and keep silent." The thing is, not everyone sees everything. He doesn't realize this. He's so oblivious, he can't even comprehend that he's more perceptive than others, almost like Ranpo when he was younger. He doesn't know what to do with the information he receives but to ignore it, as he says, to see the distance and remain silent through it. But still, he makes a halfhearted attempt to reach out, but is interrupted when Dazai's phone rings, and doesn't bring it up again.

The biggest turning point is the kids and Gide. Gide, who drags Odasaku, a character who seemed to have the healthiest will to live, into the darkness. By removing all his hope, his proof that he could one day write a novel and give up killing forever, he brings Oda down into the pit of despair that he lives in, the pit that Dazai lives in. Where the sun won't shine again, and all that's left is revenge and then death. This is where the tables turn, and now Dazai is trying to save Odasaku from that darkness that he knows all too well. He tells him useless platitudes, cliches that must have been uttered to him over and over that he knows won't work, but Dazai is desperate to save the one he's on the verge of losing. But Odasaku won't let himself be consoled, and he goes on the suicide mission to fight Gide. And only now, now that he's about to die, now that he's in this place of solitude and despair, that he reflects on Dazai and their relationship.

It's only at the end does Odasaku wish he would have said something. When he understands the darkness, he sees Dazai for what he truly is - a lonely, sobbing child. And it's only after this realization that he should have invaded the solitude does he speak up when Dazai arrives, and tells him to be a good man. Because he realizes that the darkness is going to overwhelm him unless something changes, and with his dying breaths, Odasaku gives over the advice that changed his life, not a way out of the darkness, but a way to brighten it just a little, and make living a little more beautiful. Something only he could understand, having tried to walk that path for himself. It can't be that it never occurred to him earlier that Dazai's mental health may have benefited from a...change in vocation, but he never thought it was his business to say anything before. But now that the darkness has consumed him, that's the final push for him to finally say something and reach out to his friend at the last moment before it was too late.

And though I don't think the anime did all of this justice, the parallels between these moments will always kill me.

I have a theory about why Chuuya goes by his first name, as opposed to most other people. Because even in the manga, where characters like Fyodor, Nikolai, and Lucy are generally referred to by their surnames, Chuuya goes by his given name in both the manga and anime. *Stormbringer Spoilers*

First of all, when he was fifteen, he likely went by his first name because he was surrounded by friends, by the people who raised him, and going by something like a family name would be distant and unnatural, and likely not something Chuuya would push. So when he met Dazai, he was still immature enough to go only by his given name, and he probably doesn't bother enforcing it when he joined the Mafia either.

But. After the events of Stormbringer and when Chuuya grows up, I suspect it was for a different reason. We don't see much of Chuuya after he escapes the military facility, but since he knew how to speak, my guess would be that he knew enough to know his name, even if he couldn't remember much else. Chuuya was his name, given to him by birth, but the name "Nakahara" isn't. That's N's name, the name of the person who kidnapped him, experimented on him, and tortured him. The real Chuuya's surname was actually Kensuke, and I think something similar applies to him in universe as well. When he was taken by N, the name Nakahara was given to him, but the name Chuuya is the one his real parents gave to him, the name he received when he was born, the name that proves his humanity. So he probably chooses to stick with that name, even though he really could insist on being called "Nakahara" because "Chuuya" is the one that's his.

I like to think that, the first time Dazai met Chuuya, he made fun of Chuuya's height without realizing from his position on the ground that he was only five centimeters taller. And when he did find out, he went "ah. well, in too deep to stop now, ima just go with it" and kept up the short jokes, despite the fact that they were practically the exact. same. height.

The first episode of bsd is actually so fitting, because it really sets the tone of the show. It goes from a ramble about food to suicide prevention to suicide enablezation to detectives to tigers to "no homo". And it's beautiful