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Bad Puns - Blog Posts
Pokemon Res-taruos-ant puns ;)
Pancham Express - Panda Express
Taco Bellsprout - Taco Bell
I-Hoppip - I-Hop
Sawsbuck's - Starbuck's
Ben & Clefairy's - Ben & Jerry's
Dairy Nidoqueen's - Dairy Queen's
Burger Slaking's - Burger King's
Red Clauncher - Red Lobster
a pokenerd's guide to gettin' the girls p1
Are you a ducklett cuz i just swanna be wth you ;)
might make a p2 idk but i got plenty more of pokemon puns for goodbye and some for hello
if yall got any suggestions id love to hear em but nothing about doing people im a minor
welp see you later turtonators
today, my sister did jazz hands in my direction, but only used one hand. she half-jazzed it.
Hey y'all👋
You ever get bored and random stuff pops up? Well, I ended up thinking of bad Star Wars-related puns:
-How does Anakin get his mail?
Through C-3PO
-What's Liam Neeson's favorite drink?
Qui-Gon Jinn
-What if Jar Jar couldn't swim in the Empire Strikes Back?
I guess Jar Jar Sinks
-Where do you go to get ink done?
Tattooine
-What does Samuel Jackson carry with him?
Mace Windu
May the Fourth be with you.
(I'll probably think of more later)💜🍪
I'm an asexual Plance shipper and a fan of Miraculous Ladybug. The pundit should declare me the best punster on the planet, but all my puns are either punbearable or so punassuming that no one even notices them.
Just watched sixth sense today
And I have a secret to tell you
I see bread people
Tony Stark:*sees Thanos again in endgame* THANOS, How about ThaNOs, he he I’m outta here
*Thanos slaps his forehead, losing any kind of respect for Iron Man*
Okay, y'all better sit down because I've got a story to tell you. So, me and my friend are at the mall and find this Otaku store, and being the otaku's we are, went in. I found this fan and obviously had to have it. When I got home, I hid it behind my back, walked up to my parents, and said, "I got a Chinese fan!" And whipped it from behind my back, opening it up to show off this beauty called aph China. I don't think I've ever seen my parents more disappointed in me than that.
Name a more iconic
I'll wait.
Last night the police arrested a poster ad agency model near my house.
They told us that he was a Russian im-poster.
For those who don't understand the joke.
Crab talking to oyster (at their family dining table):- give me the food.
Crab:- no.
Crab:- Why?
Oyster:- because I am shellfish.
Crab:- me too bitch give me the fucking food.
Crab talking to oyster (at their family dining table):- give me the food.
Crab:- no.
Crab:- Why?
Oyster:- because I am shellfish.
Crab:- me too bitch give me the fucking food.
Mark my words.
Worlds worst pun
Person: On one hand I think I'll be scared on the roller coaster, but on the other hand it looks pretty fun Me: yes, it has its ups and downs
Dad jokes are just puns made by your dad.
I know, I know, good clever boi....
Just don't google 'alastor'—
"HERE WE ARE!" Said me seaching for another alastor angst fanfiction....
DID I JUST GOT PUN ABOUT AGENDER?!.. Should I be offended or…? i'm so confused rn, wtf dude But I was like 'listen you, ace in the hole—'
True, true, I sympathize with you…. Trully, dear. I'm aro myself.
...
Can I say that I believed his words? ...maybe. Do I want to be like him here and now? Absolutely. Love his charming behavior so lskfjskd much....
A Black Rose
…My head…
…Fuck, it's like someone took a sledge hammer to it… My body is sore all over…
…Where the hell am I? This isn't my apartment or Grillby's loft…
As I sat up, I took a look around my surrounds to just… Gather my bearings if I'm even using that phrase correctly. Silk satin sheets, a bed bigger than a California King, and just a beautiful hotel room overall that I could never afford.
Shit. A hotel room? Wait…
…Yep. Naked as a jay bird—what the fuck and who the fuck did I do?! I just… i just blindly gave away my virginity just like that?! God, Julia, you fucking idiot! Who did…?
...Wait, I remember...
I was getting drunk off my ass last night and the skeleton monster I met was trying to cheer me up, telling bad puns left and right and my dumbass started firing back a few puns and flirts right back, cuz, hell, my inhibitions are all gone and I'm three sheets to the wind, so... Why not shoot my shot with a cute monster?
Shit, what else...?
Kissing...
Teeth pressing and rubbing against my lips...
The cold bricks pressing and rubbing against my back...
Warm bones pressing into the fat of my thighs, squeezing my breasts... It was like they wanted to touch as much of my flesh as they could; as if I could just disappear the moment they let go...
Their bones, cold, but oddly warm... The texture felt so different... rough and smooth... The texture of their magic on my tongue popped and fizzled like pop rocks or zotz fizz candy... The taste of whiskey and... apples...
It was hot...
It was too hot...
I wanted more and... I didn't care... I was like something deep inside me just didn't want to stop and I needed him and he needed me...
It felt like a blur... My body weightless and the void of everything until my body landed on something soft below me and above... That same skeleton monster. He looked at me in such a way I don't think I've ever seen before... Do skeleton monster's eye... lights??? Do they change depending on mood? They looked like a bright blue for a moment there... Maybe it was a drunken imagination...
God... We had sex, didn't we...?
How is that possible with a skeleton? Then again, if one could french kiss a skeleton, then it's probably possible to do the deed.
His eyelights were so beautiful... Like a galaxy... His bones were so pretty... We held hands and clung to each other... Nothing else mattered except us...
Well, what a way for one to lose their virginity. A one night stand. I'll probably never see that guy again... But it did feel nice to feel wanted, even if we were drunk.
Huh? A note with a... black rose?
"Until we meet again, starlight."
Damn, that... I think I felt my heart flutter. Maybe he's just being sweet. Time to do my first walk of shame and get to job hunting and trying to figure out my life before I become homeless, I guess...
--
The walk back home was... weird. I always had an anxiety and paranoia mixed cocktail of feelings being out in the open. Feeling like all eye would be on me. But today, it literally felt like people were freaking staring at me--mainly monsters. The area I stay at is mostly monster populated, and while I understand that some monsters were wary of humans, they never stared at me like they are today. It felt weird...
Looks of concern
Looks of digust
Looks of... Curiousity?
Why were they staring at me? I made sure to shower and look presentable like I totally didn't get my back blown out and didn't smell like I did, so why...?
Making it to my apartment building, I crossed paths with one of my neighbors--a dog monster named Eve. She lived here with her husband and their big litter of pups. We aren't friends, but we're friendly enough to where if they needed help, I'd try to do my best.
"Oh, Ms. Julia! Are you... Okay? I got worried when you didn't come home last night. I didn't hear you playing you Law & Order show you like to watch." She made a face, looking at me before speaking again, "Did you... Stay with Grillby? I know you two are close."
"No, no, it's not like that. Grillby and I are just friends. I just got drunk and... Yeah. No, no, I'm fine. Is something wrong? You're making a face..."
"I'm alright, don't worry about me, just... Take care of yourself, alright? I'm right across the hall if you need anything, okay?" Eve have a have smile before taking the elevator.
Weird, but... Okay. Guess she's just being a mom and worried about me.
--
The next couple of... Fuck, days? Weeks? My mind is all muddled. I'm always so tired. I'm so drained... I almost collapsed grocery shopping and I barely wanna eat anymore. It like a piece of me is missing and I dunno why? Maybe it's stress from the job hunt or maybe trying to keep on top of my bills?
I tried to go to Grillby's to take my mind off things and vent, but he refused to serve me anything alcoholic, but made some food for me and just pointed at the bottled water since he doesn't touch the stuff himself. The food was... Very overpowering, but Grillby just told me to try and eat as much as I could anyway to keep my energy up. He just looked worried and wondered how I've been since that one night. After some chatting, he wondered how long I've been feeling crappy and recommended I go to the doctor nearby for a check up and medicine.
A pain in my ass and wallet, but...
The first doctor had no idea what was wrong, and just played it up to stress and to make sure I keep on top of my iron supplements so my anemia wouldn't act up again.
"Grillbs the doctor just said it was stress and my iron is prolly low. You know I have anemia issues..."
"Was it a human doctor?"
"Yeah?"
"I said to go to the one nearby. They're a monster doctor."
"Not to sound ignorant, but they're a monster doctor and I'm a squishy meat-sack human."
"Trust me, this will be the right doctor for you. Business is slow right now so if you need to call me back, I'll be available."
...No...
...No way...
No fucking way this is possible. I-I gotta go home right now. I'm gonna be sick. This has to be a joke.
This can't be real...
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit...! What the hell do I do? I can't do this! This can't be real... This is too much...!
[Previous: What A Night]
What a night...
It was late... At least for me it was. I just got off work around 10pm for my shift at work...
My last shift, that is...
My job just dropped me without any warnings, without any write ups and no notice for me to prepare to have a new job lined up whatsoever. Just proving further to never show loyalty to a multi-billion dollar cooperation.
Body on auto-pilot mode, weaving through the crowds of people and monsters in the city and just cancelling out the noises around me, my mind couldn't help but wonder... Why? Why would they just drop me? I've worked for the company for 5 years. I've always arrived early, stayed extra if needed and if I was ever sick, I made sure to provide a doctor's note so I wouldn't have any unexcused absences on my record. So why—
…Wait. Hold up...
“Due to recent events, and information provided from our PR team that also works with social media, we are letting go a few workers within this company. This is nothing personal, but we need to make sure that the people that work for this company are people that best represents us, our values, and what we stand for, and we feel that this company isn’t for you.”
“…Information provided from our PR team that also works with social media…”
“…people that work for this company…”
“…best represent us, our values, and what we stand for…”
This could be a goddamn coincidence, but… Did those fuckers fired me because they found out I was an activist taking part in a protest for monster rights?!
That had to be it—it was rumored that the company and its CEO were against even the most basic rights Monsters well deserved. The last protest was a combo of fighting for Monsters to have the right to have Driver’s Licenses and legalization of Monster-Human marriage. The human police got involved and it became a huge thing all over the News and online. The PR team must have found out some of their workers were taking part in the protest and had to clean house. Ugh…
As I stopped walking for a moment, I saw the bright red neon sign of my usual hangout, Grillby’s. The owner, Grillby, was a fire monster and a good friend of mine. Though he was a monster of few words, his actions spoke for him. I worry one of these nights, he’ll get sick of me just venting to him and crying into my drinks. Honestly, tonight was very much needed for me to get shit faced and ugly cry…
Stepping through the door and with the ring of a bell, my being was engulfed in a welcoming warmth and cheerful atmosphere. The usual patrons in their usual seats as if this bar was their second home—and it really was. Grillby’s place was that nice of a business. Looks like Doggo is having a ruff night playing Blackjack with the others and is barking up a storm. That bunny monster is giggling her ears off and slumped over in her booth. The same chill music is still playing on that old jukebox. It was nice… This place was nice…
Taking my seat at the bar, Grillby already knew I had a lot on my mind and had some hot fries ready for me and told me he’d make my usual drink—which was a spiked spider cider. He and Muffet have been working with ideas on food and drink so they can both benefit and see what other folks like and where they can improve. It’s nice.
“And it’s such fucking bullshit that they’d just… just, uhh… fuck, what did I say? Fuck, right! My company just fucking fired me because they’re just ugly bigot fuckwads! Humans trapped Monsters underground for Gods know how long and now that y’all are back, they wanna act all superior and try to lord over Monsters and prevent y’all from having equal… uh… things!!! It’s bullshit!”
“…And it’s time to cut you off for tonight, Julia.”
“Noooo, Grillbyyyy, I’m not drunk. I only has 1 drink…”
“And that was my mistake. You can’t handle your alcohol—especially monster alcohol… Did you want to head back to my loft to relax for the night?”
“Nnn… Too many words… Grillby, lemme have another—my job sucks butt and I wanna drink til I can’t feel feelings anymore…”
“…heh, keep your gin up, kiddo. it’ll get better with time. after all, we ale make pour decisions.”
And that’s when I met him…
“A… A talking skeleton monster…?”
It was like he came out of nowhere, but… There he was, next to me. A rather short skeleton monster with… eyes lights as bright and beautiful as a galaxy and an outfit to match. Gosh, were those sparkly freckles on his zygomatic bones? Cute… And… He’s floating? Is he doing that with his magic? I mean, I shouldn’t assume gender, but with a voice so rich and deep like that, I…
“…Wait, was that a pun?”
[Next: A Black Rose]
Hehehhehrhehr here's something soo wrong about me
When in the journal you see the word otter, you just want otter a otter joke