Bsd Chapter 122 - Blog Posts

thinking about atsushi’s hallucinations as things he has to overcome- with the headmaster, he obviously has to accept his trauma instead of hiding from it, which is symbolized in the last scene of ch 122 when atsushi lets the headmaster help him open the door..

the dazai hallucination tho- yes it was the headmaster hiding between a person atsushi trusts but i don’t think that’s all it is-

atsushi has to overcome his idealization of dazai, of his all-knowing-ness to trust himself more, and that happens by him seeing how pm dazai treated akutagawa. i’m not saying atsushi is naive, he knew that dazai has a dark past but seeing it with his own eyes is different, which is why then the headmaster hallucination came back bc he and the trauma attached to it are his next obstacles.

and he gets past them.

atsushi character development for the win.

(i hope this made sense)

sskk fans (me) really won with this chapter i will never get over it.

“And then… and then…” AND THEN WHAT AKUTAGAWA? YOU FELL IN LOVE??

the newest bsd chapter OH MY GOD i don’t even how it put what i’m feeling into words AAAAAA !!!

the sskk content ?? atsushi knowing about akutagawa’s past and how dazai treated him in the pm, atsushi understanding him even better !! their bond is gonna be so much stronger from now on !!! I LOVE THEM SM

and dazai hallucination reveal- AAAAA i didn’t expect it all but it was so good!! atsushi’s development this chapter means so much to me!! him accepting his trauma by letting the headmaster help him- I AM UNWELL !!

anyways.. i loved it. can’t wait for the next chapter. i’m gonna go and process all this some more.

.....what. just what. The. Fuck.

Chapter 122 is so...bruh.

dazai and akutagawa make me sick too (though i discovered today that i had food poisoning and did not, in fact, actually throw up from bsd angst)

dazai was only a couple of years older than akutagawa and simply perpetuated that cycle of violence that the world around them followed, one lost and deeply disturbed kid trying to lead another and idk that just makes it all the more sadder because the intention behind dazai's actions weren't even malicious. who is to say dazai did not wholeheartedly believe, like he did for himself, that akutagawa could find meaning in the port mafia?

dazai, who had assimilated in the darkness, who lived around blood and violence each day, how would he have taught akutagawa something other than all he's ever known in his life?

i don't know i just feel like we need more nuance in this discussion when it comes to dazai's abuse of akutagawa, which isn't to defend him at all but to realize that it was a horrible position for either of them to be in; where the blind lead the blind.

everything about shin soukoku makes me sick

atsushi seeing akutagawa in a position so deeply relatable to him and seeing that glimmer of humanity behind the exterior of a fighter and actively sacrificing himself for that small hope. he who constantly believes in akutagawa's humanity despite the world that burns around them, he who gives him the chance while taking away his own-

atsushi seeing dazai through akutagawa's lens for the first time and the knowledge that akutagawa does not merely choose to be like this but that it's the only option ever left for it is so ... (sounds of crying)

their similar situations giving them an understanding such as that, in typical circumstances, only they could have for themselves, by witnessing akutagawa's past for himself

how does it feel to know someone like you do yourself? how does it feel to watch that suffering, understand it, see through it and yet still have hope for more? what kind of faith does it take to not only see that hope but throw yourself in the jaws of death for it?

nothing about them is casual and i love it but they have ripped my heart from its chest and im gonna cry need them to be alright and happy and together in a better timeline where everything is alright so bad im crying

I feel very conflicted with my opinions on Dazai. He is not my favourite character, he never was. But I feel a weird sympathy for him at times when he is seen as a total villan?

He is not evil. I don't know how people mischaracterize Dazai as evil.

With the recent chapter 122, there are a lot of people who hate Dazai and want him to die for what he did to Akutagawa. For a second, I felt like that too. I can't see children being abused, not that anyone wants to see it, but I feel very emotional whenever I see hurt children. My first instinct was to hate Dazai too.

But Dazai isn't a responsible adult. Dazai himself was a 16 year old, trying to find meaning in life, guiding a 14 year old into the dark side. This isn't an older, experienced, manipulative man who knows what he is doing but a teenager who thinks he knows everything. Dazai himself ran away from home and was suicidal already at the age of 14, just the same lonely child as Akutagawa. But he found "meaning" in the Port Mafia, or at least trying to. When he gave his word to Akutagawa that he'll "certainly" find meaning in life, I don't think it's manipulation, Dazai himself believes in it. An adult putting you in a dangerous climate is very different than when your cousin tells you to smoke because "it's cool, dude"

I am NOT defending Dazai's abuse of Akutagawa, as I said before, I am not some Dazai superfan (which, Dazai being portrayed as completely innocent also irks me!). I want there to be balance in the conversation surrounding it.

Dazai AND Akutagawa were children, they were both trying to find reasons to live. They grew up in the Port Mafia. We have seen how cruel and unhinged Dazai can be during his time in the PM. We have seen Akutagawa, and his constant internal battle with good and evil. These two are not some heartless creatures, both of them are changing for the better. Dazai found proper guidance in Oda, and taking his words, he became a better mentor to Atsushi. Akutagawa was left in the PM alone, so he grew stone cold and ruthless until he saw the light again, because of Atsushi (in recent chapters his eyes are literally lighter)

Does Dazai feel bad for what he did to Akutagawa? No, at least not now or we don't know what he is feeling, I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. But he doesn't HAVE to feel bad. That's what morally grey characters are. If Dazai immediately repented for what he did, it won't be realistic or true to his personality. Yes, he is in the ADA, but he is NOT some great person just because he chose to leave PM, even he himself knows that! That's why he felt so shocked when Atsushi called him a good person. Dazai knows he is not a good person and that's why he doesn't repent for what he did to Akutagawa. We don't accept our mistakes easily, not when we thought of them as means to an end. Dazai truly believed what he did to Akutagawa was a pro and not a con. If he will change that perspective now, is more about his own character arc.

Akutagawa was just a kid, influenced by Dazai. He wanted to impress him, like we do to our parents. Like we fight tooth and nails to defend our parents mistakes and sometimes even abuse. He isn't ready to accept what Dazai did to him was wrong. But when he saw how Dazai treats Atsushi, I am pretty sure he felt like dying. Because imagine your parent treating their step children better than you, that's how I see Aku's jealousy to be like. Dazai was his mentor first, why is he praising and coddling this random guy who just came into his life? But Akutagawa doesn't hate Atsushi in particular, he hates the treatment he gets from Dazai. I think considering what's happening in recent chapters, just like how Atsushi overcame his conflicting feelings towards the headmaster, Akutagawa will do the same with Dazai.

Akutagawa carried the cycle of abuse, doing the same thing Dazai did to him to Kyouka, another 14 year old (she trained since she was even younger). But unlike Dazai, when Kyouka is finally free from PM, Akutagawa doesn't want her to come back to him, he stops abusing her, Dazai still is awful and manipulative with Akutagawa at times. He feels happy for Kyouka, because HE wanted someone to rescue him too. Of all the abused children, Akutagawa was the one who never got rescued. Akutagawa was abusive to Kyouka, it can't be erased because of his own tragic past, he also hit Higuchi and seem to answer everything with violence. This is why the cycle of abuse is so painful, Akutagawa was taught to be this way and he CHOSE to stay this way, until he made the bet to stop killing people with Atsushi. I don't think Akutagawa will ever go back to his own ways after this arc is over. You can't undo your past, you have to move on, keep walking, keep living and trying to do better next time.

I want Dazai to get some good old karma! I want him to face the consequences for what he did to Akutagawa. I want Atsushi to have conflicting feelings towards Dazai but I don't want him to hate Dazai. Atsushi understands people on a deeper level, he's going to try and change people no matter of their pasts. Akutagawa and Dazai aren't going to be on good terms ever, that can't happen. I want Dazai to stop treating Akutagawa like shit and I want Akutagawa to stop wanting validation from Dazai.

Now the final verdit from me, is Dazai evil? No. Is Dazai a good person? No. Can Dazai change? Yes. Did Atsushi have a huge impact on both Dazai and Akutagawa? Yes. Is Akutagawa already changing? Yes. Can Dazai be vile? Yes. Can Dazai be soft? Yes. Does Dazai deserve to die? No.

Morally grey characters cannot be good or evil. They are grey. Let them be grey. We shouldn't erase their bad sides and we can't act like they didn't do good. BOTH Dazai and Akutagawa are morally grey characters. They are just different types of grey. Akutagawa is speed running to the light and Dazai is stuck in the middle of the grey. People have the ability to change for the better or worse, no matter who they are.

Now let's be clear: Dazai and Akutagawa are not the same. Dazai is a much worse person than Akutagawa, what he did was not excusable considering he doesn't feel bad for what he did. That is why he cannot be a good person. Dazai isn't a victim of abuse like Akutagawa either, although I do believe he had enough problems already to screw his brain before he moved to PM, living in PM isn't exactly an environment to raise someone right, who is constantly called "the demon prodigy". He IS the demon prodigy.

No matter what Dazai did in the PM, I can't hold a child to the upmost standards. There's a reason why Juveniles have a seperate court. Juveniles shouldn't get death penalty. Dazai committed heinous crimes as a child. But he is NOT the only child who did this. Everyone in PM has committed several crimes. It's a fictional story after all. Because of that I can't HATE Dazai. I believe all children deserve to be saved, to be given a second chance. Dazai went to the ADA and started to use his dark sides for the good. I can't call him evil for his past, when he was a suicidal kid, mentally ill, having a god knows what tragic backstory. Yes Dazai was smarter than an average teenager, but if you have read "The Day I picked up Dazai", you know despite all that; he was just a kid.

A kid abusing another kid cannot be any less tragic. There is not one childhood loss. It's TWO childhoods lost.

(ps: I was scared to post this lol 😭😭😭😭)

"And then...and then...."

Is the new

"We are destined to----"

*spoilers for Chapter 122 BSD manga*

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Sskk are making me go crazzzzyyy ahhhh

Aku watching Atsushi "die" ahhhhhh. His "were-tiger" nickname feels way too gentle rt now

"why did you protect me?" Because you protected him, you fool. Let him protect you!!!! Akutagawa you deserve to be protected too 😭😭😭😭😭

I always felt like Dazai and Akutagawa are very similar. Both of them are constantly looking for reasons to live. It's so sad that this was the reason Aku joined the PM, just like Dazai did. To find a reason to live for.

Dazai just left without an explanation, leaving Akutagawa behind.

Aku's jealousy of Dazai getting a "new better boy" hits the heart. Seeing how Dazai's approval was his will to live.

The mirroring of both Aku and Atsushi having thoughts about Dazai at the same time!!!! And on one hand Aku is seeing the Dazai in the past and Atsushi is seeing him in the present. PM Dazai and ADA Dazai are both one in the same but they are very different in what type of mentors they are.

Atsushi knows now this wasn't Dazai, he has been hearing him in his head for a long time, and all this time it wasn't him???? 😭😭😭😭

"And then...and then" how about I cry???? 😭😭😭😭

Atsushi CHANGED Akutagawa's perspective on life. I love everything about this. I love the way Atsushi changes people's ideas about the world. He has done that to Dazai, Kyouka, Lucy and now Akutagawa.

We now know that when Atsushi and him fought together, ("let's do this together") Aku felt something. Maybe a want for support.

If they are not besties after all this ends, bickering with each other and working together then I don't know why this all happened. I want a sskk trying to be friends arc so bad rn 😭😭😭😭😭. Atsushi SAW Akutagawa's past, he knows his trauma, Aku already knew his. This is a perfect starting point for them to understand eachother.

Everytime I see them together, it drives me crazy at how layered their relationship is.

I want them to drink tea together. I want Aku to stop caring about Dazai's approval. I want Atsushi to believe in himself. I want them to be happy.

IMAGINING AKUTAGAWA WITH ATTACHMENT ISSUES AFTER ATSUSHI DIED IN FRONT OF HIM (or vice versa)

God I know they suck at actually communicating their feelings with words and instead die for each other, but I can't get the possibility of Akutagawa being majorly effected by Atsushi's death enough to where he can't bear to leave Atsushi alone, out of my head

(side note: I think Akutagawa should join the Agency. We already know from beast he'd make a pretty decent detective)

I know Akutagawa's terrified of losing Atsushi. And Atsushi had to die to save him for him to even realize that 🙏 Asagiri you wizard I love how you write Sskk's relationship

But like, just imagine an Akutagawa trailing Atsushi around like a lost dog (one could almost say...a stray dog) on his days off or Akutagawa constantly checks up on him and calls him or just like small little, caring things like that. Akutagawa with the realization of how much Atsushi means to him

Also, speaking of sskk clinginess; sskk reunion

Asagiri is most likely going to do what none of us expects with however he approaches the sskk reunion, but oh my goodness every new chapter that drops changes my ideas for how it'll unfold

I wonder if they'll talk. If they'll hug. They should probably hug. And talk. They really need to talk atp

And you know they're going to argue. But not a real argument, the kind of sskk argument that they only do to talk about their actual problems

Ohhhh there's just so many layers to sskk and I don't know if I can pluck them all apart. And right now I'm really just wondering about the what ifs of their changed relationship

(I'm absolutely PINING for a chance of Atsushi asking "do you hate me?" which makes Akutagawa have to answer with his current/future character growth)

Look at his face. Look at his sorrow

The absolute most solemn look I've seen on Akutagawa, where he realizes Atsushi wasn't just some beast he could kill. Atsushi wasn't just an obstacle or a test, because Atsushi is human

Akutagawa sees that in him

I have no idea how Asagiri is gonna handle the end of the six months deal, knowing him it's going to be what literally no one could've expected, but the premise really interests me now. It always did beforehand, but still, now we know more about how Akutagawa feels about Atsushi. And Akutagawa doesn't know it yet, but Atsushi witnessed his past and trauma. They're bonded, connected and understand each other on yet another level now

And genuinely, I don't think Akutagawa can kill Atsushi

Atsushi asked "why did you save me?"

Akutagawa wondered "why did you protect me?"

And that's just...sad

It's sad that they're so doubtful of the other's feelings. Atsushi doesn't feel like he deserves to be loved, and although he's connected to Akutagawa and they have a trust that runs deeper than words, I think he's scared that Akutagawa doesn't care for him, and he doubts and doubts and doubts

We don't know the full canon reason on why Akutagawa saved Atsushi, but we know it's because he *cares*, but Atsushi doesn't know that yet

I don't think that Atsushi doubts Akutagawa's strength or abilities, or his capacity to care for others. I think Atsushi doubts how lovable he himself is, he thinks he's not worth loving, not worth anything

And it's similar with Akutagawa, he probably thinks whatever he feels towards Atsushi is one-sided, and maybe he even fears that Atsushi hates him (although he obviously doesn't 😔)

They've been abused and traumatized emotionally so much that I think it's hard for them to realize how much they care for and about each other

I'm sure there will eventually be a chapter or two where Atsushi and Akutagawa can finally talk, and I can't wait for that because it'll really show their combined perspective on who are they are together

God they're so in love

Asagiri why do you do this to me

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT IT ISN'T HATE

Akutagawa 👏 doesn't 👏 hate 👏 him

He was just told to hate him, taught to hate him

Akutagawa was so ready to despise Atsushi, to kill him, and then...

And then he really saw Atsushi for who he was

He learned about Atsushi and grew to know him and trust him, seeing Atsushi as his other half

He saw Atsushi from his own perspective, no one else's

I think he loves Atsushi.

They should kiss

I have a hunch that Asagiri and Harukawa replay Akutagawa's death a lot in flashbacks as of late in the manga to justify for Bones' very very horrible adaptation of his death

Look at his face. Look at his sorrow

The absolute most solemn look I've seen on Akutagawa, where he realizes Atsushi wasn't just some beast he could kill. Atsushi wasn't just an obstacle or a test, because Atsushi is human

Akutagawa sees that in him

I have no idea how Asagiri is gonna handle the end of the six months deal, knowing him it's going to be what literally no one could've expected, but the premise really interests me now. It always did beforehand, but still, now we know more about how Akutagawa feels about Atsushi. And Akutagawa doesn't know it yet, but Atsushi witnessed his past and trauma. They're bonded, connected and understand each other on yet another level now

And genuinely, I don't think Akutagawa can kill Atsushi

I need someone to rewrite all of Bsd in a fanfiction but where sskk is actually canon

Where all the VERY FREAKING ROMANTIC undertones are actually confirmed to be romantic and Atsushi and Akutagawa do love each other and like gdfhjgrvhkc idk that would be amazing, and probably similar to BEAST

Tell me you're in love with him without telling me you're in love with him

So like

Akutagawa is in love with Atsushi

If you took this out of context this would genuinely look like an enemies to lovers romance manga scene 🙏

Also Harukawa wrote an illustrator's note (I think it's at the end of volume 5?) about how she draws eyes, and how she portrays the character's current growth, personality and aspect on the world through their eyes

Akutagawa's eyes have almost always been dark, the representation for how dark his life and character is

But Atsushi brings light to them

In chapter 121.5 where Akutagawa's eyes grow wide as he sees Atsushi die, it's not just a show of how shocked Akutagawa is, it shows how Atsushi lightens Akutagawa's eyes, how much he's affected him for the greater good. Atsushi brings out a new side to Akutagawa

His eyes are incredibly light as he recalls his memories and gets hit by Atsushi's death that wasn't even just a death, but a death to save him. To protect him

Because Atsushi thinks Akutagawa is worth protecting

So just, like, I really love how chapter 122 not only shows Atsushi finally seeing Akutagawa's past and fully understanding Akutagawa's trauma and even relating to him, but it also shows how Akutagawa truly feels about Atsushi (although the "and then..." definitely left us on a cliffhanger)

I love them

I'M TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER BRAINCELLS AND MAKE COHERENT POSTS ABOUT CHAPTER 122 BUT I CAN'TTTTT BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS STILL PROCESSING EVERYTHING AND I'M SCREAMING 😭

sskk nation is having the best time of their lives rn

Atsushi saw Akutagawa's past. He learned about Akutagawa's trauma. He knows how Akutagawa was treated, how he was taught, what he was put through.

He understands Akutagawa now

He fully sees Akutagawa for his humanity now

Atsushi has seen Akutagawa's darkest, most vulnerable side now

And that's just so...

I can't even put it into words oh my God, their relationship is so complex and heartfelt I'm screaming

I have a feeling that Akutagawa doesn't mind Atsushi seeing his past, seeing him at weakest, lowest point

I think their trust runs deeper than that

Also Akutagawa isn't alone anymore. Nor is Atsushi, because they have each other. Akutagawa has someone who knows and tells him he isn't weak, Atsushi has someone who can be by his side and save him. I feel like without each other they aren't complete

"and then..."

AND THEN WHAT AKUTAGAWA

YOU REALIZED YOU DIDN'T HATE HIM? YOU REALIZED HE MEANT THE WORLD TO YOU? YOU REALIZED HE VALUED YOU? YOU REALIZED YOU CARED ABOUT HIM? YOU REALIZED THAT HE WAS YOUR EQUAL?

oh my god chapter 122 is killing me it's amazing

If the actual end of the sentence is "and then I realized I love him" I WILL LOSE MY SHIT.

THE LATEST CHAPTER OH MY GOD?? OH MY FUCKING GOD????

Asagiri I love you 🙏

Okay so like

Pls I'm still processing everything oh my GOD what the what just happened like oml THE ATSUSHI DEVELOPMENT HELLO?? THE DAZAI DELUSION REVEAL???

and tHE SSKK

DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE SSKK

ATSUSHI SAW AKUTAGAWA'S PAST NOW?? THEY HAVE A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING NOW??? AND LIKE

UENGDNVSGKEJGSSGJDGJDJHSFHFS FOAMING AT THE MOUTH RN

okay so like

is Akutagawa maybe actually kinda really in love with Atsushi??

AAAAAAAAA I LOVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC AND GROWTH

This chapter was full of new things aistidvmufsitshffj oml Atsushi Atsushi Atsushi my baby oml I'm still trying to figure everything out like I have two braincells rn oml I love this chapter though AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i am unwell