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Depressive. - Blog Posts
``Dark Paradise`` \\\ Lana Del Rey👌👌👌 El soundtrack de toda mi puta existencia. FIN.
Well. This very well could be some great depressive metaphor...OR it's just a freaky with scissors. Your choice ig
I fall in love with everything I also hate everything. It’s very hard to be a misanthrope and a romantic.
- Marilyn Manson -
Moving out
I seeall this stuff from my childhood. So many things where I realize, everything I did from my 8yrs old self, was coping.
I had a shitty childhood, but really
With 8 I cut the eyes from old pictures out.
With 9 I drew black over my father in every picture I own of him.
With 10 I wrote in a diary telling it how I hate everyone and everything.
With 12 I got letters from my bullies telling me how worthless I am, I spit in them.
And with 15 I wrote a letter how I will kill myself.
I found this now, cuz I now move out I just realize how bad I actually was. I never fully understood why everyone is so impressed and stunned bymy behavior and casuality about all of this. Until now.
And now I’m sitting here, almost crying, realizing how fucking messed up I was. I am. How fucking good I am at coping and ignoring. How fucking stupid I was thinking I wont get better.
God, I cant fully comprehend the fact that the little girl, destroying her possessions out if anger, trying to kill herself, always mad and angry at the world. The little girl who was insuch a bad spot, was me. Is me idk.
Im still so fucking mad. Still so fucking vulnerable, I never realize how vulnerable, because I well, just keep going, keep living.
Is it a good coping mechanism, stubbornness or just ignorance? Idk all I know is I’ve got better.
My depression and anxiety will never go fully away again. But I’ve got control and freedom.
First Time
This moment when you start having sex for the first time, but you are so afraid and scared and don’t know what to do and feel bad about the boy who is trying to loosen you up and calm you down.
And then you fall asleep and later be afraid of showing that you are awake in the middle of the night.
And then you suddenly realize you’re probably really gay and demisexual (like you have been questioning) and now you just want to run out of his house and disappear but cant because his parents are awake and he is a light sleeper and he is actually one of your best friends and you would feel bad about just running away but also feel guilty for leaving him with blue balls.
I hate myself rn for this so much. Where is my confidence gone? Ah yeah right it always has been a fake mask, I forgot.
My life in a nutshell
„Veni, Vidi, Reliqui“
„I came, I saw, I left“
That’s probably my life quote and my life in a nutshell.
Even though I don’t really know what to do with it.
I don’t really like my brother but nowadays I relate to him more than I want to.
And it scares me like hell, because I never thought I’d get why he is so aggressive and mad about my mom.
I just want to figure life already out without getting scolded.
Life I guess?
I fucking hate my family rn, my grandma is a bitch who destroys everyone’s life. My aunt is an alcohol addict and doesn’t care about anyone, my brother has a aggression problem and hurt my mom really bad, and my stepfather is a mix between my mom and my grandma.
Also we’re not talking about my biological father cuz just nope.
And to top this, my mom has depressions and is having a bad week taking all out on me.
How do I cope with it? Well guys, I grew some balls (imaginary ones cuz I’m a girl) and just don’t bitch about it, sure I have bad days too but it’s 2018 bitch we deal with our problems.
I found more sisterhood on strangers than in my own home. -P
I didn’t want them to see my face… Hiding like I was a sinner walking among holiness… Like they could read all my wrongs written on my skin and felt the heaviness of my broken wings where they once used to be… Like I hadn’t any right to be here… -P
Do you have a crush??
Me: Noooooooo
Also me: *writing a poem about him*
It wasn’t commitment fear, it was abandonment fear. There is a big difference but in the end it only means loneliness. -P
Things to know when you love someone suffering from depression
“When the depression holds you down, life becomes water. The air around you becomes water that paralyzes you with its weight and even the simplest tasks are difficult at once. You feel lazy, mentally and physically, and nothing can free you from it.”
Outsiders often find it difficult to understand what happens in people suffering from depression. To this day, some prejudices and myths about the disease persist, which makes it difficult not only for those affected, but also for the people close to them.
The worst thing is fear It’s not just the fear that it will never be over. Or that it could get worse. It is also the fear that friendships or relationships will break with it. That people turn away because they simply don’t understand the situation. Because they can’t understand that appointments sometimes have to be cancelled at the last minute because it’s just not a good day. If you love or are friends with a depressed person, you should let him know as often as possible that this fear is unfounded.
It’s a real disease. Depressions are considered mental illness, but that doesn’t make them any less bad and no less noticeable. They are not visible, and perhaps not tangible, but that does not mean that they are not there. In fact, they can be proven. If the brain lacks chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline or norepinephrine, this triggers a mental imbalance.
The simplest things can be a big challenge For a person with depression, it can be a challenge to get out of bed. To take a shower. To drive to work. Those who have never suffered from depression cannot understand this. That’s why you just have to trust that the person is telling you the truth and not trying to compare your reality with his or her reality.
There’s not always a logical reason Depression is deceitful. Affected people can have a good day and suddenly the depression pulls them into the abyss. There does not always have to be an understandable reason for this. Sometimes sadness can hardly be explained, the pain can hardly be put into words. Don’t try to find a reason you can relate to. Try to accept the situation.
Depression doesn’t disappear when you “pull yourself together” Sayings like “Get a grip on yourself” or “get over it” are incredibly hurtful for people with depression. They reinforce their sense of disappointment. Of course, they try to overcome the disease. But just like any other disease, it doesn’t work overnight. It’s a fight, not just a decision.
You probably don’t know how bad it really is People with depression often try to hide the real abysses of their condition. Often they don’t want to admit to themselves how bad they feel and that they need help. If you love a person with depression, it is quite possible that he has not told you how gloomy it really is in him. Maybe because he wants to protect you both and your relationship.
Your loved one doesn’t want to be a burden on you People who fight against depression don’t want to be a burden on others. They don’t want to transfer their negative mood to others. Depressive do not seek attention or compassion - on the contrary. What they crave the most is to be treated like everyone else.
There is more than one reality When someone is obviously going through a difficult time, it is a natural impulse to describe his own experiences to make it clear that one can understand his or her suffering. But in most cases you can’t do that. Your reality has nothing to do with his or her reality. Most of all, you can help by listening.
Their depression has nothing to do with you If you love a person with depression, it is important to understand that his or her state of mind has nothing to do with you. That can be very difficult sometimes. If your partner is in a bad mood, the fear that it could be because of yourself is obvious. But it is important to understand that a person’s depression basically has nothing to do with anyone but him-/herself - not you.
It’s okay if you’re dissatisfied Loving someone who suffers from depression is a challenge. They need your love and attention, they need to know that you support them. But that doesn’t mean that your feelings and moods count less. If you’re dissatisfied, you can say the same thing. This is the only way to find out what works best for both of you.
Some people love themselves so little that they cannot understand when someone else loves them
What do you think is most important in a relationship?
Trust
Only when both partners fully trust each other can you really feel comfortable in the relationship. If you mistrust your partner, the basis for happiness is missing. Because no matter which shared experience you share - a bad feeling remains.
Communication
Talk to each other. And more importantly, listen to each other. Anyone who recognizes problems at an early stage and clears them out of the way through a conversation has better chances of remaining happy in the relationship.
Security
Providing security for your partner is not that difficult. Be reliable and abide by agreements. Those who stand their partners up or do not support them in important situations will not remain happy for long.
Caring
Care for each other. And that doesn’t just apply if you or your partner are feeling bad. Always take care of your partner. This will make you both feel safe and secure in your relationship.
Common values and interests
If you are interested in the same things, it is easier to find common topics for discussion. Leisure time is also easier to arrange for both. However, be sure to do things without your partner. You’ll soon have nothing left to tell each other.
Humor
Laugh whenever you can. Of course, a similar sense of humor is helpful. If you are far apart when it comes to humor, avoid looking at things that one of you can’t relate to. That just leads to arguments.
Happiness
Experience and share beautiful things. If you have the same interests, this will of course be much easier. Very important: Make yourself aware of your happiness and tell your partner how you feel. Not only crises, but also common happiness brings people together.
Type of relationship
Share as much as possible with each other and exchange information intensively. Put your partner very high on the priority list. The closer your relationship is without restricting others, the better your chances of lasting happiness.
Love
Try to keep the feeling of being in love. The tingling sensation remains in the stomach and the relationship remains exciting for a long time. But how do you do it? Surprises are the easiest way. And they don’t even have to be big. Do you know that your partner likes to nibble a certain treat, bring it to him/her. If (s)he’s been looking for a particular record for a long time, try to find it. If you try your best, you can keep the feeling of being in love for a long time.
Misconceptions about depression
The burgeoning frustration of being asked to "pull oneself together" The bitter truth is that you can't just drop depression overnight - and whoever says so conveys a less than helpful message. Such sayings are often due to a lack of understanding of mental illness. When relatives don't understand what's going on, they react with statements like "don't be so upset" or "Stop feeling sorry for yourself". Such statements are made whenever there is no understanding of underlying diseases and chemical abnormalities. Such comments are probably the most irritating.
Depressions are constantly mistaken for sadness It is a widespread prejudice that depression is caused by excessive sadness.
There are no small victories For people suffering from chronic depression, there are no small victories because every achievement is a great victory. While daily routine routines are quite normal for most people, they are a much greater achievement for depressive people. Almost every activity or task becomes painful agony, even simple things like taking a shower or getting dressed.
Loss of motivation means more than a normal afternoon low The low at 3:00 PM, when you feel like you need your third cup of coffee, is hardly comparable to the drop in energy levels when you are depressed. Due to this lack of motivation, a depression can feel like the muscles are no longer functioning. It makes it really difficult to go to work, to concentrate, to laugh, to focus on tasks when you suffer so much.
You have physical symptoms - and they are just as strenuous as the emotional ones In some ways, depression is seen as a state of mind, but this is a big misunderstanding. For many people, depression does indeed contain serious physical symptoms. Many people therefore do not consider themselves depressed but believe that something else is wrong. If you suffer from depression, this can worsen existing physical ailments. Other physical symptoms include restlessness, indigestion, nausea, headaches and fatigue in joints and muscles. These physical symptoms in combination with the psychological symptoms influence the normal daily routine. It's all connected.
Things that used to be fun are no longer as amusing as they used to be Depression can affect even the smallest pleasures in life. Meeting up with friends, leisure activities like golf and even intimacy with your partner - all this is not as exciting as it used to be. Depression changes life dramatically. These listlessness combined with physical symptoms are all warnings when diagnosing the disease. In order to help someone who may be in such a depression, it is advisable to approach him or her impartially and offer constant support, including help in finding a treatment option.
The problems of expressing one's feelings When you are suffering from depression, it is sometimes difficult to put into words what goes on in you because you know that not everyone around you feels the same way - especially when the disease is stigmatized. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, only 25 percent of all adults with mental health problems expect sympathy to be shown to people with mental health problems. Depression creates a negative image of yourself, the world and the future. Everything is perceived as through dark glasses. When people suffer from depression, they are usually convinced that no one understands them - and this is a really difficult situation.
There is no universal clinical picture Everyone experiences the depression in his or her own way, which is why one should deal sensitively with relatives who are struggling with it. The symptoms are different, the causes are different, the treatment methods are different. Work, relationships, families - this disease changes everything. Some people need medication. For others, long-term psychotherapy can be the solution. Depending on what works. I'm not saying that my way is the best for someone else. But I say that everyone can find his or her own way of healing - and the most important thing is to always stick to it. Never giving up.
There are two ways to help others overcome the agony of depression. On the one hand, any thoughts that uphold the stigma of mental illness should be banished. We need much more openness, transparency and understanding of the fact that it is okay to call depression a disease. It's not weakness. It is not a moral deficit. It is not something that the victims themselves have produced. And you have to understand that this is a very important start to help a family member with depression.
Everyday life is a reality that is consciously dreamed every day - a waking dream, a clear dream. The ego that acts in this external sphere is hardly ever the initiator of its actions. And people whose sphere of activity is narrowed and limited tend to have depressing dreams.
Contacts
Contacts imply the willingness to show myself. Without contact to the people around me I would become even more lonely. Yes, I am actually dependent on it in difficult situations. As the mental pressure increases, help takes on a different meaning.
Open up
It's important to me to show the people around me how I feel. Dropping the mask, putting me through to others. This is not an easy task and requires a lot of effort. Feelings of shame and worthlessness are spreading. Opening up to this vulnerability is unfamiliar.
Where does this emptiness come from? What can I do to make myself feel better? How long will the darkness last? The difficult thing about depression is that there is often no satisfactory answer. At least not fast. But how do I encounter something that has no reference? No beginning, no end?
The picture with the curves you drew
Over time I learned to deal with difficult feelings like loneliness, fear and hopelessness. That doesn't mean they've lost their horror for me. It means a lot more, they're familiar to me. I can face them differently.
I find the loss of strength much more serious. Dealing with the inner emptiness is already a challenge for me. To still go further, to raise me up again and again. Without energy, even that becomes a farce. When simple daily routines exhaust me, the fear grows that I will not be able to get up again at some point.
Silence sometimes is the loudest cry
Wounded Life
When I was on the ground for the first time, I felt how stale advice can be. When the energy fades, the dreams dissolve into air, another era begins. If the body fails to obey its obedience, the old strategies no longer work. Suddenly many things become strenuous. Very strenuous.
Light does not mean that there is no more night, but that the night can be illuminated and overcome.
We hope for joy, ease and success in life. Unpleasant aspects such as sadness, loneliness and illness can be left out. Wounded life takes place behind closed doors. Somewhere where, if possible, nobody sees us. For a long time I approached my goals full of energy and passion. With enthusiasm, perseverance, patience and willpower everything seemed to be possible. It's a nice feeling. To set out to discover the world. Until I was suddenly torn out of my dreams.