Irl Jirai - Blog Posts

I don’t have the biggest following ever BUT I have been getting a lot more attention recently..

Fuck it. Gonna take a shot in the dark and see what happens.

Feel free to ask me any of these :3

Nosy Anons (Jirai Kei Edition)

Reblog this post to let your lovely anons ask you any of these questions!

1: When did you first learn about Jirai Kei? 2: What is you Jirai Kei Unpopular Opinion? 3: What type of music do you like? 4: Do you have any Jirai Kei-esque or general characters you relate to/like? 5: What other styles beside Jirai Kei are you interested in? 6: If you could make an ita bag for any character, who would it be and why? 7: Bright Pastels or Dark Pastels? 8: What is Jirai Kei to you? 9: What made you decide to identify as a lifestyle Jirai Kei? 10: Do you use any creative outlets (drawing, writing, etc) to express yourself? 11: Did you have an emo phase and what was it like? 12: Are you apart of the LGBTQ community (if you're comfortable sharing)? 13: What healthy coping mechanisms do you use? 14: Favorite anime? 15: Favorite game? 16: Are you in a relationship or crushing on anyone? 17: Are you okay with fashion only jirai kei? 18: What are your favorite childhood tv shows and games? 19: Who would be on your "hear me out" cake? 20: What is your funniest memory on the internet? 21: Favorite old internet meme? 22: When was the first time you were on the interenet? 23: Favorite fanfiction or fiction tropes? 24: What is your biggest Jirai Kei pet peeve? 25: Jirai Kei culture is... 26: Who is your biggest inspiration/someone you admire? 27: Favorite media platform? 28: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, which song would you pick? 29: What is a random fact about yourself? 30: What are two truths and a lie about yourself?

That feeling when you wanna romanticize your life and maybe even get better but you remember it’s November 2024 and you live in one of if not the worst state to be a queer afab person:

WARNING:

POOR EATING HABITS

So I just wanted to share an experience I had not that long ago.

Some context: Until 8PM or so, I didn’t eat anything since 3PM or somewhere along that time period. I was eating under my calorie intake recently so I was happy about that because it meant that I had some self control.

Here’s the catch.

I was grocery shopping with my parents and I felt a little lightheaded and had a headache. I also was kind of jittery and tired.

My mom noticed I was looking shaky and asked me what’s up and I told her about everything, she said it was likely a low sugar intake.

Even after I rushed to buy and eat some stuff, I still felt jittery and anxious and light.

If I’m honest, I don’t know how to feel about this

On one hand I’m embarrassed and ashamed, but on the other hand I just can’t get myself to care, because in my head I’d rather die than gain any more weight than I already have.

And it’s true.

I would rather die than be fat & overweight forever.

It’s one of the worst things I’ve had to deal with and I would do anything to have my ideal body type.

And by anything, I’d mean ANYTHING.

I got my DearMyLove clothes just now!!!

Unfortunately the shirt was a little small but I have a theory that if I lose my big back and my chubby arms that it’ll fit better.

The skirt on the other hand fit perfectly.

There’s also some hair accessories I got which are in the right photo.

I have some shoes that might go with it but they’re heels so I’m not sure if it’s worth it.

Anywho I’m still happy it even came.

I guess now I have some motivation to lose all this extra weight I gained.

To all my current followers & moots, I just wanna say…

Ok so I remember talking about this with some moots of mine and I figured I’d talk about it here.

Does anyone else fucking hate seeing couples and get extremely disgusted by them, but not in the sense that you’re romance repulsed(Tho I am aegoromantic and semi-romance repulsed), but because you have this burning envy towards them because they have a sense of connection that you desperately want and would do anything to experience?

I get grossed out by couples doing pda shit but I know that subconsciously I really want it, but I feel like I will never be able to get it because of me being aegoromantic and also very distrusting of other people, even my family and friends to an extent.

I’m probably the last person who should be in a relationship. I’m explosive, struggle to communicate my feelings, and am extremely obsessive to the point that I would go nights crying over someone I cared about.

My obsessive tendencies know no bounds.

Oh and need I forget about how black and white my thinking is? I genuinely can’t see people as anything other than completely good or completely bad so I’ll go hot and cold on a person if I like them but they do something I don’t like. Like I’ll love them one day and hate them the next.

Idk I have a problem, but case in point is that I feel like love and romance are too inaccessible to me because of who I am, so I’m just left with a gross pit in my chest every time I see a couple being all cutesy and shit.

It’s excruciating.

“i love you more!” no you dont, you don’t need me to survive. you can properly function when i’m not around. you’d move on if i left. you don’t love me more, and you never will

Hello :3

I guess it’s my turn.

TW: Mentions of Panic Attacks, Religion, Murder & Abuse

1.)In middle school I used to have frequent panic attacks over my grades and one day it got so bad that my mom almost drove me to the ER because I was getting lightheaded.

Turns out it’s just a normal part of having panic attacks but my mom always said that my anxiety could lead to me actually having a heart attack, which didn’t ease my anxiety at all.

2.)I grew up going to church(and still go) and when I was young there was this one youth pastor(I think it was a youth pastor?) who used to install a lot of fear into me and other kids.

For example, he gave us one scenario that’s basically, “What if someone came to your front door and told you that they were gonna kill you for your religious beliefs?” And his answer to that was to accept your death because I guess the moral in situations like this are to turn the other cheek and have faith that God will protect you or something like that IDK. All I know is that one kid had to leave and go to their parents because she was crying.

Frankly, I wanted to leave too but didn’t say anything.

3.)My dad has schizophrenia but we didn’t know until like 2021-2022? I forgot tbh.

Anywho he turned into a religious fanatic who tore a rift in our family starting 2019 and ended for good last year. This was all PTSD and schizophrenia talking but again we didn’t know.

I called him pretty nasty and lowkey ableist things that I regret saying now, but I’ll forgive my past self on that part because I was a scared teenager who had her sense of safety ripped away from her.

My mom came to me venting multiple times(keep in mind I was like 13-14) and even said on a couple occasions that I was the only “adult” she could truly talk to in reference to how mature I was.

Also my grandma came once from her home in Puerto Rico to stay for a couple months because my mom was scared that my dad was going to turn physically abusive. He didn’t for the record but it doesn’t stop the fact he punched a tv once after accusing my mom of being a cheater and an incestuous pedophile.

I was scared he was going to abuse me, my mom or my brother in some way for years and constantly felt the need to keep a weapon on me to protect myself. It was either that or I stand between him and my mom whenever they argue in case he lashed out and got violent.

This fucked with me so hard I went into an extreme existential crisis, questioning my life, God and whether it was even worth the trouble anymore.

As much as I’ve grown to realize it wasn’t my dad’s fault, I’ll never forget the way it altered how I look at myself and the world forever.

Ok traumadump over I’ll leave y’all alone sorry.

I just wanted to get that off my chest.

||||||||. yo normalise jirais dropping more random lore about themselves when they feel like it.

heres a bit of mine lol. (also plz if ure a jirai drop some of ur lore too literally anything that ure okay with sharing is fine. plz dear god i dont wanna flop and be alone.)

※ tw: child neglect

--- 1/3

i will never understand people who want to be a kid again tbh. like holy shit i really dont wanna redo all that shit again regardless of how cool 2000s nostalgia can be.

i was the youngest in the whole family (until my dad cheated on my mom but thats another story lol) and for some reason nobody wanted me around. still dont know wtf their problem is.

--- 2/3

there wasnt enough space in our house so i slept in the attic which was filled with boxes of stuff so it was really only big enough for a small mattress. (× ×.) rip.

when my mom cooked dinner she did not call me down or leave space for me at the table. i remember eating plain rice and soy sauce most of the time. i never ate at the dinning table with everyone else and always ate alone in the attic.

--- 3/3

i was extremely attached to any item i got (still am like this tbh). my most prized posession to this day is a stuffed toy bear 🧸🤍 which i got when i was hospitalised severely once (also another story for another time lol).

i used to steal things at school as soon as i learned that there was shit to steal. a lot of the time though i stole food because i didnt get any from my mom. i ate the food alone secretly in the washrooms. i also didnt own a pencil case or stationary so i had to steal that shit too. all i did when i was 7 was steal shit and sneak around lol.

(idk if theres actually anyone whose gonna read this tbh. i really hope so and i also really really fucking hope people at least are kinda interested in me because i really do feel interested with like majority of the jirai community here but starting that convo with others is hard tbh.

then most of my life changed severely after i turned 9 but yea anyway thats all for now 🖤. if you read it all then thank you so so much fr 🤍 wooo wooo~.

maybe im being gloomy idk. might cry myself to sleep and delete this post if it flops. fucking anxiety...)

÷.

WARNING:

POSSIBLE NSFW & SH MENTIONS

I just got a message from I think a bot or maybe a scammer trying to get me to be his sugarbaby or something like that.

I blocked of course but it got me thinking…

Even if it wasn’t a ploy or something I just wanna say:

Bitch in what world am I sugar baby material?😭I’m a hopeless, fat virgin who cuts herself to cope with stress(which doesn’t even work anymore), can’t maintain a healthy friendship to save her life, and will throw a hissy fit when things don’t go exactly as she wants it to go.

I struggle doing minimal tasks such as getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth and taking a shower.

I spent the last two days doing absolutely nothing but sleeping and scrolling on my phone, praying that I get more online attention.

They say people are complex but if I were a rubix puzzle i’d be a fucking dodecahedron.

I’m a mess and I wear that fact on my sleeve.

I doubt that I can handle a relationship, let alone a transactional one.

I lowkey wanna drop out of college.

The money I get for being there isn’t worth it when you aren’t even interested in the major or the classes. It’s not even worth it for the one friend that I have anymore.

I didn’t even want to go to college to begin with.

The only reason I started was because my parents kept telling me to do it for the money.

I don’t even know what I want to do in life because I was so convinced that I was gonna die before I turned 18. Well… now I’m 18, stuck in a place where I have no want to improve because my misery has become my identity.

I guess the saying is true that money really can’t buy happiness…

If there ever is someone looking for a magical girl/boy/etc…. PLEASE CONTACT ME I’LL DO ANYTHING I DON’T CARE IF I HAVE TO MAKE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL!!!

I WILL BE THE MAGICAL DOOMER TO END ALL MAGICAL DOOMERS!!!

Ngl even if I didn’t have it as bad as others it’s still really fucked up thinking about some of the things I went through.

Like maybe I should stop invalidating everything about myself and realize I actually am traumatized….

I am not me. I am an amalgamation of my interests, mental illness, and my kins all in one.

(credits to someone on pin!)