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Uhm so I've been going through it honestly. But I hate it because I'm pretty sure it's all just me and it's in my head as it usually tends to be.
Anyhow, long story short I've been feeling worse than ever and keep contemplating just giving up on everything. It's not even shifting it's just I feel that I genuinely can't. do anything. even the knowledge or the hope that I can js get out of here isn't helping. I keep crashing out honestly. I haven't felt like this in so long I was so sure I would never feel downright bad. I'm genuinely literally just putting pity on myself atp and it doesn't help thinking about it. but I cant ask for help they don't want to reach out to anyone, they wont let me.
But I want to try even if for just one last time to make it through. I would like to shift today, or even just change my state of mind despite it being really goddamn hard for me right now. I just hope it won't be my last time.