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Wizard Shit - Blog Posts
The Great Walrus Debate
“Inconceivable! Such a paltry spell could never trump the plainly better spell, Greater Summon Walrus.”
“Blasphemy! Summon Greater Walrus is far better than your paltry spell.”
“You dare insult the ancient tradition of Summons!?”
“I do! Summons are stupid and you know it! Why have a familiar that forbids you from summoning others who may aid you? It is madness! Madness, I say!”
“It is not! You would not need to summon others if you had a Summon yourself!”
“It is! What use is a Walrus Summon who is only helpful in exiguous situations when you could summon countless things useful in those distinct conditions and summon the Walrus when necessary?”
“It is not! And You, my brother in spells, have crossed the line!”
“You dare to insult my honour!? I have crossed no such line!”
“You have!”
“I have not!”
“Have!”
“Have not!”
“Have!”
“Have not!”
“Have!”
“Have not!”
“Have!”
“Have not!”
“Have not!”
“Have!”
“Ha! So you admit it!”
“I did nothing of the sort, you-!”
“...”
“I did, didn't I…”
“You did.”
“Damn you and your mind games, David.”
“You say that but you always fall for them, Joseph.”
Story inspired by the "Two wizards debate on which is the better spell: 'Summon Greater Walrus; or 'Greater Summon Walrus' prompt by @writing-prompt-s
update
I’m closing my art requests but you can still ask my ocs stuff and art trades are also open (oh and trick or treating is also open)
Here is some stuff I have been doing in art class
Thank y’all for understanding!
Im going to KILL you and STEAL your GENDER
The waterfowl approach the stall which sold beverages comprised of lemons and sugar and, in an act of comedic absurdity, inquired of the vendor, “good fellow! have ye any grapes?”
Recently made some stuff for my fursona that I actually liked, and I haven't posted them before, so introducing Crypt (he/they/it)
He is a species of toothed bipedal bird that evolved from some dinosaurs that survived by being separated from the rest of the dinosaurs on an alternate world that happens to overlap with Earth. I don't really wanna get into it too much rn. That species also happens to look kinda like a moth
it is asexual, agender, and eats mostly blood
Me on my way to kill a hydra without ever realizing it was a hydra because the first thing i tried was stabbing it in the heart
I am proud to announce that I am now the owner of a homunculus
I have named it Tiptoe
I am proud to announce that I am now the owner of a homunculus
I have named it Tiptoe
Hey did you see my Evil Stone (he/she/it). Pretty cool huh? They say it could corrupt me and make me evil but they probably all just want the Evil Stone for themselves.
Someone make me a fantasy novel protagonist because then at least most of my problems would be stabable
how do yall take your steak
Verily, man, this wizard peace is splendid. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "spirits o' field and vineyard" or something along those lines, and every one around him was showered in fresh-baked pastries and loaves, had their cups fill with aged wine, and then were soothed by a warm summer breeze. The minstrels didn't even sing his praises, that's what a joyous time this is. And here I've just been casting calming dew and level 2 aura of cheer. I think I just heard "power word: dessert" two groups over. I gotta get over there.
how to confound a centaur confounder
centaur: hold it right there, you can't just ride through my fields uncontested! I'll lose my credibility if we don't battle or something
confounder: that's fair. how about we-
centaur: and it can't be a pun battle. I heard what you did to the sphynx
confounder: darn. okay, what if I beat you in a horse race?
centaur: Ha! Alright, where's the finish line?
confounder: That tree over there. Where's your horse?
centaur: let me just call him
confounder: you're not a horse, this is a wait what
centaur: SVENTAL! HERE BOY!
*massive six-legged, four-eyed horse gallops around the bend wearing a saddle made for a centaur*
confounder: that is NOT a horse
centaur: it IS a horse, it just has six legs and four eyes and is large enough for me to ride. You agreed to a horse race, you didn't specify it had to have four legs.
confounder: ...
centaur: ...
confounder: I hate you
centaur: you brought this upon yourself
I keep my armies… in my sleevies! *thousands of rats armed with medieval weaponry and dressed in rat sized plate mail begin pouring out of my sleeves*
Transes peoples genders and makes homophobes homosexual
Also referred to as the Wokezard (They/Them) and the Wokeler (They/Them)
Yes (They/Them) is part of their name and yes you have to say it every time
Their lover the Autism Warlock (He/She) by @glove-head
yeah we’re pretty sure he just does it so he can fuck with people who piss him off but he’s weirdly competent so we just let him keep going
fuck it im moving to wizard island
watch as i illegally get there on a raft of skellys while dressed in light clothes and a denim jacket
That probably explains why I write magic the way I do.
Honestly, the fact that terry Pratchett has experience around nuclear power makes so much sense once you realize what magic is standing as a metaphor for in the discworld. Like, look at this fucking quote from going postal:
"That's why [magic] was left to wizards, who knew how to handle it safely. Not doing any magic at all was the chief task of wizards—not "not doing magic" because they couldn't do magic, but not doing magic when they could do and didn't. Any ignorant fool can fail to turn someone else into a frog. You have to be clever to refrain from doing it when you knew how easy it was. There were places in the world commemorating those times when wizards hadn't been quite as clever as that, and on many of them the grass would never grow again."
Like... It feels incredibly obvious what he's talking about once you know the context.