You Are Just A Fragment Of My Imagination

i'm so sensitive that sometimes my brain makes my emotions go numb as a self-defense mechanism

I can't form so much as a tear

but I seem to be drowning still.

TW: mention of suicide attempt

My therapist is proud of me!

This was the first time she explicitly told me how proud she is of me and how far I've come.

While I've had a lot of people tell me that they're proud of me but somehow, hearing this from someone who knows me a lot differently than others, knows all those things that I refuse to share with others, understands my thought process, it just made all the difference.

As she was telling me about the growth I've had, I couldn't hold back the tears.

She told me that I seemed more confident, sure of myself and stronger than ever before. It was really overwhelming.

I'm really glad to have found her and to have come so far. From attempting to take my own life last year to not depending on anyone for my happiness and being content with my life as it is. It's been one hell of a journey and I'm just happy to be alive to experience this.

Never give up, you'll get there eventually.

As a mentally ill, chronically ill, atheist person I really do wish I believed sometimes. Give me something or someone to blame or bargain with. But I’m just alone in this decaying universe stuck inside a decaying dysfunctional meat suit.

I know no one

and

I do not know myself.

kinda wanna leave. kinda wanna ghost everyone. kinda wanna rot under a blanket. kinda wanna feel loved. kinda wanna feel wanted. kinda wanna

You stumble at my doorstep again

with the sly smile and sparkly eyes

that I fell in love with at once

and you pull me close

keep my heart in your warm hands

while you whisper our names together,

oh, how my heart just beats right of your hands.

I love you, with the pieces and mirrors

and blood and tears,

I love you with all my breaths and being.

Mary Oliver

Along with bpd, is unreal in another dimension

having bipolar and being told you have it for the rest of your life with no cure feels so unreal to me.