Too Many Insights. Too Many Realizations. Long Way To Go. Sit Tight. 🫠

Having a PMDD-esque period in sync with the depersonalisation and derealisation episode is really milking my bpd this week and it's only my first day.

More horrors to come tomorrow!

yeah

i wanna lay under my blanket and die

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Gentle Spirit

Trying to not to be afraid of this energy. One of the days when I feel sorry for myself. Sigh.

This Morning: A Thread (TW: Suicidal ideation)

My brain: Ugh, not again

How and why am I still alive?

Because I just fell asleep, it's normal

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to be here.

I cannot unalive myself here. I need to wait until I can.

I need to study, get my degree, get a job, start living alone.

Only then will I be able to end it.

Alone, alone, alone.

Yes, only a few more years.

Let's start the day.

The urge to just destroy myself. To cut off everything. To go radio silent on everyone because my brain is absolutely convinced I'll be best off alone, locked in a tiny little box.

Why can't I just have a moment to breathe? To actually enjoy my bit of happiness I get here and there.

Low and low, I sink

lo and behold, I crumble.

My name is written in agony and love that consumes me.