The Urge To Just Destroy Myself. To Cut Off Everything. To Go Radio Silent On Everyone Because My Brain

I'm so sick of these destructive defense mechanisms that do protect me from getting hurt but at the same time trigger the fear of abandonment, because of which I employ these mechanisms in the first place.

What the fuck.

“Please dont expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”

— Sylvia Plath

i'm so sensitive that sometimes my brain makes my emotions go numb as a self-defense mechanism

Too many insights. Too many realizations. Long way to go. Sit tight. 🫠

i can’t see myself old, i just see myself disappearing across the years.

I feel so lonely. Not because I don't have people in my life that love me, I do. But I can't help but feel alone. I feel like a monster whenever I don't answer my friends' texts because I can't help it but feel so stressed out and tired and having to deal with people is the last thing I want to do.

I want to be loved and love people but there's an ugly monster that keeps on trying to make me feel and be lonely and alone in my own thoughts.

Tw: abuse

Just survived a couple hours with my abuser while casually chitchatting around family. I need to run away.

I belong to none,

not these extended hands,

the rosey skies,

or the bloodied battlegrounds in my name.

I belong to none other than myself

but know not which one in particular

I may not love myself on most days

but I definitely would not let you either.

✨Fucked it up again ✨

Anger bursts inside of me as fire crackers under the moonlight, with a cackle first and then a battle cry.