Doctorsickx - Doctorsickx

And many, many valleys of sorrow and mountains of death.

Marina Tsvetaeva, from a diary entry featured in Earthly Signs Moscow Diaries, 1917-1922

I just read “each time you open a book and read, a tree smiles knowing there's life after death”and OH MY GOD

How little there is to listen when you stop.

I write this with

melancholic music

blasting in my ears.

It's comfortable,

relatable.

It's hopeless,

as I long to be.

I'm so sick of these destructive defense mechanisms that do protect me from getting hurt but at the same time trigger the fear of abandonment, because of which I employ these mechanisms in the first place.

What the fuck.

You stumble at my doorstep again

with the sly smile and sparkly eyes

that I fell in love with at once

and you pull me close

keep my heart in your warm hands

while you whisper our names together,

oh, how my heart just beats right of your hands.

I love you, with the pieces and mirrors

and blood and tears,

I love you with all my breaths and being.

but being numb/feeling empty is a whole another level of worse.

sometimes the emotions get so intense that i'd rather be numb.

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

✨Fucked it up again ✨