MOCHA WHY NO STOP.

any other neurodivergent (mainly autism and/or adhd) people unable to consume content normally.

like my dad will just?? watch something and be like "yeah that was good" then move on?? And then there's me, who will consume something, stare at a wall for a bit, and then rapidly try to consume any content I can find of it. Fanart, fanfiction, c.ai bots, memes, youtube videos... and if I can't find any I get upset. And I rewatch/reread/etc it over and over again and obsess over it for days. It's not even a hyperfixation rn I am just unable to consume media normally

also why am I the only posts on the raining knives tag since 2020 where is the fandom this comic deserves a fandom wtf it's so good I need content of it pls my little audhd brain cannot /silly

vent post bc im tired and feel alone in this

TW; dysfunctional families, implied abuse kinda I'm not really being abused

I fucking hate being "perfect." Stupid, I know, I feel like I should be grateful.

Have you heard about golden child and scapegoat dynamics in dysfunctional households? Because me and my brother are living examples of that. I'm the golden child and I loathe it.

I have it so much better then my brother, I know. But being the golden child, I am my mother's trophy, and it's exhausting. I am a doll, not a person. A bragging right. An award. I have to always do what I'm told, be smart, achieve high things, always have to look pretty, have perfect manners, tons of impossible expectations, be the perfect little girl. Or she starts yelling. I hate it so much. I'm tired, I'm really tired. I stress myself out to be enough for her. I'm the definition of a burnt out gifted kid. Yet i feel like i'm supposed to be grateful because the one above made me smart and pretty. I can only be who I really am online, with my s/o, or with my friends. And I loathe it.

And I just feel alone. I see posts about how golden children will become the abuser and it scares me. I don't feel like anyone understands that both the golden child and the scapegoat suffer. I don't want to be my mother, I swore I'd be better. I don't want to be her. I don't know how to break this cycle.

Fuck.

felt cute revamped my entire blog /silly

why can I tolerate being chronically ill and feeling sick every day of my life and then I get the flu and suddenly I feel like a sickly victorian child with the plague

this isn't even all of our work i have to do all my history classwork because my history teacher is sick today. And read our book for ELA. I'm gonna crash out

Thoughts and prayers for me chat /silly

ykw cringe culture is dead. throws some of my fandom OCs at you. in gacha too minus my isat oc because gacha is fun argue with the wall

I probably won't post about my OCs on here much but I was bored sooo

(First image: Aera, she/they, alnst oc

Second image: Akari, she/they/he, bllk oc

Third image: Kioka, she/her, pjsk oc

Fourth image: Rose, she/her, mouthwashing oc

Fifth image: Olive, she/they, sbg oc

Sixth image: Adaya, they/them, isat oc)

... Is Till's Part in "Cure" about Ivan?

now I'm really not sure about R2 in this regard (I've seen theories that it may be more about Ivan than it appears but I really haven't made up my mind on whether I agree or disagree), but what I do personally think is that Till's portion of "Cure" in R6 genuinely makes significantly more sense to me, lyrically, if it is -- at least partly -- about Ivan (consciously or subconsciously), than if it is 100% about Mizi and only Mizi from start to end, even though the MV only shows him thinking about Mizi as he sings the part.

let me explain:

Allow me, to the tips of your fingers Allow me, to the ends of your feet Dissolve me in your gaze I don't want to let you go Please, leave me scars Please, hurt me so that Not a single drop of me remains Let me drown in you

... idk, I feel like if this is indeed entirely about Mizi, Till must have made up a lot about their relationship in his mind by that point because it sounds kind of strange to me otherwise. Mainly because while they are sort of friends and have had friendly interactions, it seems that they are not especially close (based on Mizi's words about Till in the artbook), and what Till carries for her is a somewhat distant & idolizing crush sort of thing, which... isn't the sort of energy the lyrics gives?

Like. maybe this is just me, but I can view this portion two ways:

The singer is asking "you", the person being sang about, to hurt him, because he views "you" as someone who would indeed hurt them (e.g. maybe they have hurt him/harmed him/fought with him before; maybe they have a toxic or tumultuous relationship) and/or someone who is in a position where they have a reason/need to hurt him (e.g. going against each other on the Alien Stage); and/or,

The singer is asking "you", the person being sang about, to hurt him, because of his own self-loathing and depressive feelings -- but in this case this just. idk. to me at least, it sounds more like something you are more likely to sing about, like. someone you have been very close to at one point. e.g. a love interest or w/e, who has been in a romantic relationship or situationship or something in an ambiguous relationship with you -- or a closer friend, frenemy or someone like that, that you have complicated or untold feelings about. unless your idolized crush is someone you view as a person who would (hypothetically) hurt you, in which case it falls under 1... except Till's perception of Mizi just kinda doesn't feel that way to me

which. hmmm. idk because like Till's image of Mizi is someone kind, sweet, gentle, soft, comforting and angelic (even with the R5 stuff, we still see this in the way she's like in Till's eyes in Cure's MV), and she's an idol-like figure to him in that sense (and they are not... so 'close' that it feels like he would very naturally sing to her for her to hurt him out of self-flaggellation reasons), it has always been slightly jarring to me that he would sing about her like this, even back when I was sure he was singing about Mizi.

But if you interpret it as being about, or partly about, Ivan instead, then it feels more natural to me; they have a closer relationship, Ivan has hurt him/fought with him and stuff multiple times, and right now they are going against each other on the Alien Stage where the loser among them will be killed.

secondly:

Until these falling stars Are buried in the blur of time On your icy lips Read my soul Yes, my soul, oh, oh

If this is about Mizi: I guess it could be?? if "falling stars" are entirely metaphorical and/or refers to the rain actually... except, even in this case, I feel like it's very possible to interpret it as him subconsciously thinking of such a symbol / such imagery because of Ivan-related reasons.

If this is about Ivan: ...sorry what, "falling stars"? You mean like. a meteor shower?? Okay no yeah, that is literally a major memory he has with Ivan, not with Mizi. And this particular phrasing, "Until these falling stars / Are buried in the blur of time" does further suggest that this is very possibly about a memory that haunts him to this day. which. points to the meteor shower scene more than anything... yeah I honestly feel like this line ties back to Ivan no matter how I think about it.

in any case this is honestly just my opinion and I don't know if I'm right but. just a thought. I think Till might be singing a bit more about Ivan in "Cure" than it seems from a glance at the MV, even if he doesn't realize/acknowledge it himself

Okay??? And it's not a game, it's just a ride???

"im a virgo"

"im a cancer"

well im a swinging space age bachelor man?

I'm still hung up on this

Every character that has died in Alien Stage so far has all gotten a comic from their own perspective.

Sua got one where she wants to tell her 'sister' that she found paradise in the hellish place.

Ivan compares his love with Sua's and thanks Till for being the victim for his shallow feelings.

Hyuna makes sense of her love for Luka, and tell him to take his time solving her puzzle.

All of them got to tell their perspective in some way.

...Except Till.

From start to finish, he never had interviews done, he never interacted much with other and just never...spoke.

The only time we ever see him outside of the videos in in the comics from other POV's.

His own death comic was not done in perspective. It was done in his mother's.

And Io loved her son. She cherished him and wanted him to find his happiness wherever he went.

But she never truly knew him. He was snatched away from her far too early for her to ever know him.

Till is a character who we, as an audience, only know from surface observation and the thoughts of others. We have no idea of what was actually going on in his head.

We have ideas for everyone else who are dead, except Till...

...WHICH IS WHY IN THIS ESSAY, I WILL PROVE TILL IS ALI- [gunshot]

i had a really big hamilton hyperfixation in grade 7 and I fear i may have listened to one song today and I feel the hyperfixation coming back should I be scared what is this is this just the autism experience of randomly reawakening an old hyperfixation