Learned A Few Days Ago That Therapy Seems Much Less Effective Nowadays Because Therapy Is Based On Learning

Sorry not sorry but sometimes I really am done having to put up with mentally ill folks. Like the fuck do you mean you can make fun of my sexual assault and abuse I've faced and then go "whoopsie daisy, it's just my BPD making me do that, teehee" and then when I call them out, I'm the ableist one??? The fuck??

In a few months I'll officially not only have lost my childhood to dysphoria and knowing it'll never be quite right, but also the exact same thing will happen with the entirety of my teenage years! Two fucking decades gone nowhere, epitome of a waste of time.

Like fuck dude I know that cis men can get depressed as well, but at least you got the comfort of not having your own body and soul tormenting you. And at least you can peacefully rub one out and have a few moments of bliss. Idk. Wish I could do that.

And the fact this is exactly what my 20s will look like.. and my 30s... And basically all the time until I can finally call it quits.... I dont even know what to say, I cant put it into words.

I hate how my biggest goals in life rn are to have a steady 9-5 that doesn't completely mentally drain me, and allows me to have an actual life work balance, live in my own 1 bedroom apartment with no roommates, where I can eat healthy homecooked food and actually own a functioning car I can drive. Why the fuck is that considered a wild dream nowadays? This was literally the standard/minimum like 20 years ago. Wtf. I don't want to do this anymore this whole world is bullshit why are human dignity(and rights) becoming a pipedream

Forever hating how a big portion of the internet is inaccessible to me because of some stupid shit I did at 16.... like do these mega tech corps realize how long "forever" is?

I can't have reddit on my phone. When on pc, I can almost never post or comment and hope it goes through the spam filter and automod. Discord is extremely limited to me and I can't participate in any server that requires phone authentication, which are a lot of big (official) servers.

I can already hear people complain "hurr durr, you don't need reddit and discord to survive", but can we at least recognize how fucked up it is to permanently lock people out of such big parts of the internet, especially with no way to appeal? I kinda jokingly sent an appeal for a 4 year old ban recently and they still rejected me, though I doubt a human even looked at it.

On top of that, discord and reddit nowadays are huge sources of information. Yes, they both have their dark and grim sides, but also a lot of information and communication goes through there. And I can't access that ever again because of some stupid shit I did at 16. Tell me that's not censorship and tech corps going on a power trip.

I'll forever be a transandrophobia/transmisandry/whatever current term is truther

the fact that transmascs get relentlessly attacked and harassed every single time we try to make something/spaces for ourselves (the mlm flag, transandrophobia as a term, fucking forcemasc) is in and of itself telling of how people view us.

God I fucking wish I could get some actual compensation for the harm trans healthcare has done to me, both mentally and physically.

Unfortunately I live in a country where you can't sue a healthcare organization, and if you could, not like I have the money for a lawsuit.

But seriously. How the *fuck* can someone who got top surgery consenually at 21 sue an entire branch of healthcare out of existence(the Keira Bell case), but I can't even get a black and white formal apology for making me disabled, traumatized, and forever underdeveloped(mentally and socially)? And I can't even openly talk about that happening to me y'all scream "they're harmless, they're reversible" like fucking brainless parrots.

Got a little too worked up there at the end but god dammit it's true. Nobody wants to acknowledge my suffering, or just wants to use me as transphobic propaganda without actually caring about me, the person.

It sucks being stuck between people who say that you're suffering is either your own fault, that you should shut up about it because it's harmful to the "positive trans image", and people who will only care about it if you parrot their reactionary propaganda.

This 100%. Why is it always "awwww but I'd miss you so much" and never like.... something that would actually matter to me, or would benefit me. Even just a "I'm sorry you'll never get to live life to the fullest" or "I'm sorry for everything you got robbed off" because at least that's about ME, the actual person, and not about the relation I have towards other people

It's cruel that others expect me to keep living a life of suffering just because it'd make them feel bad if I died

Once again fell for the trap known as "assuming that someone isn't a homophobic asshole"

Not to be a hater but I genuinely hate the fact that people get disability checks for stuff like autism when I'm here, suffering crippling depression and dysphoria, as well as a health condition that makes endurance and stamina incredibly hard, juggling college classes, a job, and general life maintenance because I live alone, relying on financial aid for college students that disappears the moment I graduate(or get kicked out), and then my minimum wage job.

Idk, it just almost feels offensive to be juggling all that, when there's people who claim disability checks because they just find it so hard to talk to people, or because they're unable to focus on anything, and then they just sit on their ass and play videogames in their childhood bedroom all day, or in the free housing apartment they got.

People will call me jealous, and, well, yeah? Of course? Like wym somebody is getting free housing, free insurance, and free income while just sitting at home all day, when I'm constantly managing all the aforementioned and I get told to "just man up"

Fuck all the way off. I'll never support neets no matter how much they claim they're "fighting the system". You're an adult baby, and it's time to grow the fuck up.