Paradoxf0x - Here Lies My Brain Vomit

Relatable

this morning when i was on register this guy gave me cash n it was all wet n he said sorry i fell in a lake

AKA any deer seen in the Midwest while drunk

A deer that seems to be following you.

The 4th of July approaches, Americans, you know what that means:

It’s time to play Fireworks or Gunshots: patriot edition

And for those of us in Florida, the very special:

Fireworks or Gunshots: Floridian Patriots Deluxe Edition

5 points for every correct fireworks guess; 10 points for every correct gunshot guess. Each incorrect guess is -5 points. Unconfirmed guesses will be decided by majority vote. If you are playing alone, a coin flip can be substituted for said vote. All points and deductions are doubled for the states where both are illegal

Feel free to post your scores and compare; anything is more fun when you share it with a bunch of strangers on the internet, or at least that’s what a stranger on the internet told me

I’m gonna need you to perform a full memory wipe before leaving, thanks

if we break up u have to return your keys and all knowledge of my personality traits & netflix queue

Step 3: Repeat

Hypotheses

Panic! At the Disco has some words for you

Hey. Things are going to get better.

Group projects be like

I asked you to “sign me the fuck up”, not “assign me the fuck-up,”

How long has your physical form been residing on earth?

i’m just a tourist

My sincerest apologies to everyone I told that my allergies got worse after taking testosterone, turns out I just needed to buy a nose hair trimmer, my bad lol

Director: How should we show the newfound power and confidence these girls have? The sheer empowerment they feel?

Intern: Have them walk confidently and react to situations without being self conscious because they feel comfortable with who they are and know they don’t need to change themselves because they’re already perfect just the way they are.

Director: *blank stare*

Intern: Change everything about them and make them look like sluts?

Director: Brilliant! Make it happen!