I Was Not Expecting Quite So Many People To Reblog This With A Shout Out To Their Own Personal Brand

My sincerest apologies to everyone I told that my allergies got worse after taking testosterone, turns out I just needed to buy a nose hair trimmer, my bad lol

I was only at the Devil’s sacrament for the gossip I swear!

i need to stop picking at my face but the problem is theres Textures On There and i would prefer if there Werent

*rolls that fucking cage full of ping pong balls or whatever* who had "missing teenager discovered to be hiding under trapdoor in bedroom closet" for 2020 Bingo?

A well playing job, countless new friends, *and* I can legally threaten bitchy customers with an iron rod? Where do I sign?

I’ll keep them graves so spotless you’ll be able to see the reflection of your dead loved ones standing hauntingly behind you.

Step 3: Repeat

Hypotheses

I’ve always been a bit of a kleptomaniac, but to this day I’ve never taken anything that made any logical sense. For example:

A wrench off the top of a fire hydrant

A coil of rope from behind a dumpster (it wasn’t dirty)

A big ass tree branch I carried for two miles that barely fit in my friend’s car; reaching from the driver’s seat through the little door thing and into the trunk

A broken piano from the side of the road that I dragged toward my house for half a mile before giving up (pianos are heavy)

The puns! I live for the puns like this!

This

nothing brings me more joy than repeatedly doing a bit that my mother dislikes