My Anhedonia Is Eating Me Alive So I’m Making These Mental Illness Memes To Cope

BPD culture is getting way too attached to someone bc they showed you a little bit of kindness, and the moment they do something that upsets you, suddenly you hate them… but you never want them to leave, how dare they, they’re the worst, please come back- don’t leave me- go away! I hate you! I love you i can’t live without you…

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We love the feeling of permanent panicattacks

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

Can you help the hopeless?

Well, I'm begging on my knees

Can you save my bastard soul?

Will you wait for me?

I'm sorry, brothers, so sorry, lover.

Forgive me, father, I love you, mother.

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

Can you feel my heart?

I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone.

I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

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Love this song. Its my comfort song since years, seemingly to perfectly describe how i feel.

Talking about healing-

I see rarely people talk about how wrong it feels to let yourself getting healed, getting help. it is not wrong at all of course, its good.

But it feels wrong.

Like, its hard to explain. Speaking for me, i struggle with myself (as far as I remember) since i am 6/7 and it only got worser.

And now you wanna tell me i can drop most of it?

Something inside me doesn't believe I can be happy. I can't find things that makes me happy for longer than a hour, max a day.

Something inside me doesn't want to.

Because i found to much comfort in my own suffering. The only thing that always was with me, that never left, are the feelings that came with my mental illnesses.

I just don't understand how i am supposed to feel like. To think like.

I want to heal myself, to get better, be better for persons around me. I want to learn to control my bpd.

But I am really scared.

God, I wanna love someone so bad.

I wanna give them all of my time.

Text them during every single minute i can steal.

Cuddle them to sleep,

Caress their face,

Stroke trough their hair,

Binge-watching with them..

Someone who doesn't get annoyed.

Someone who gives me the same back.

Fuck Sex, i just wanna feel worthy for more.

I wanna feel loveable. I wanna feel seen.

I wanna feel them.

This will probably cause some hate, but:

You aren't always the victim just because you are mentally ill.

You try to get better? I am proud of you, keep going, i don't adress you here because people who actively try to get better for the people around them are trying, and you can be proud at yourself for that.

But people who just say "i'm sorry its the mental illness!" and expect their friends/partners/familymembers to forgive them aren't.

It is okay to say "Hey, i'm really sorry, i didn't meant to at all. I wasn't myself." Because it often actually is the reason for our behaviour. But to say that, you HAVE to actually try and get better in my eyes.

I do NOT demonise mental illnesses.

But I am aware of what damage it can cause, and that there is no way around but pointing things out.

I did mistakes before, and I also needed time to realise that it was quite often actually my fault, that i need to work on myself to get better and i just know some of you are triggered at this point.

But sometimes that is needed to understand yourself. To understand your mistakes.

It is not okay to say "it's not my fault! I'm mentally ill! I can't help it!"

I know its easier to say that, but, if you continue to do that you are not only (accidently) hurting others but also yourself.

Also, it is not fair that there are healthy people saying "they all are the same." Because we're not.

Every one of us, no matter wich mental illness, is different.

Every one of us deserve a chance just like every other human.

Let me point out again: Its not your fault for being mentally ill and/or traumatised, but it is indeed your responsibility.

A little reminder: there are many healthy people who also hurt their partners, sometimes fully aware of their actions.

You are not your diagnose. (Greetings to my therapist.)

LASTLY: a mental illness doesn't mean your love is bad! You can love, you deserve love, you are still a good person.

That's it, take care of yourself <3

I felt the need to write this down since i am sick of people judging others because of their disorder, also I am sick of people who use their disorder as a sort of excuse.

seeing other cluster Bs with only a platonic favorite person/attentive person/exception/equal person makes me so happy. RB if youre a cluster b with a platonic Favorite Person/Attentive Person/Exception/Equal Person!! you are so valid

Sometimes wonder how things will be if I manage to do it until I am like, 70.

Like, i would probably be a hated, grumpy old women and would still have bpd. Like.

It really does never leave.

Hm, i don't want to get that old anyway but its kinda weird to think about that, also I am pretty sure the old days would be extremely hard to deal with, constantly reminding how your body is to old to do the things you loved to do.

Something that definitely isn't talked enough about as a symptom from many borderliners are Hallucinations.

I myself have auditory hallucinations. Its really weird but luckily not scaring me yet.

Romantisized Daddy issues/father complex.

No, daddy issues isn't liking to call someone 'daddy' in Bed, thats a kink and not a issue.

The father complex is a trauma response, so please stop romantisizing it out of respect.

Its much more than the liking in older men.

There are 3 Types:

Fearful - avoidant means that affected people avoid getting close to anyone. If they are in a relationship, they tend to run away from challenges. They struggle with intimacy.

Anxious - preoccupied means that affected ones are scared to be left, ofting causing relationship anxiety. Its common that they are really clingy and feel unsettled if they aren't with their partner.

Dismissive - avoidant means that affected ones have heavy trust issues, avoiding conservations and being scared of getting hurt again or to depend on anyone else than themselve.

Lets go over to common symptoms, the type of a father complex clearly depends on the symptoms.

Possessiveness & clingy behaviour.

Overabundance of love & assurance.

Using Sex to feel loved.

Dating (older) men that make you feel protected.

Being afraid to be alone. > jumping from one relationship into another.

Choosing repetitively abusive men.

Attachment issues.

Being afraid to be vulnerable.

Trust issues.

Not setting boundaries because you're scared they will leave if you say "no."

Idealizing your partner.

the father complex often comes with..

Depression

Persistent anger issues

Low self-esteem

Stress

Worry

Anxiety

The father complex is treatable, search for a therapist and analyse your struggles. If your partner is okay with that, maybe even consider couple therapy.