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Anxious - Blog Posts
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do i like emo aesthetic? do i like pastel aesthetic? do i like preppy stuff? am i plain?
do i like country? do i like punk? do i like pop? do i like whatever genre(s) twenty one pilots/my chemical romance/fall out boy/panic! at the disco even is?
am i intimidating? am i friendly? am i mean? am i nice?
do i word my sentences right? do i talk calmly enough when i’m in an argument? do my friends really want to be with me as much as i want to be with them? can i talk about my interests without censoring them?
should i talk about my sexuality or preferences? should i talk to my mom about my crush on a girl? should i correct my parents when they only talk about me getting a husband when i’m older? should i tell my extended family that i’m not straight?
can i be open at school? can i raise my hand more than once every five minutes? can i tell my friends about what i really think about? can i be uncloseted at school and not have my flag and explanation of bisexuality on my locker taken down and have it explained to me by the school counselor that it’s because the younger kids could see and ask their parents?
is it okay if i talk louder? is it okay if i don’t apologize all the time? is it okay if i say what i’m thinking? is it okay if i laugh loud and smile wide with my teeth and walk with a wide stride?
is it okay if i ask these questions?
Update: for once I ran on the treadmill and my thoughts weren't sooo loud I shut them up when they got loud.
Jeff fuck u 🖕
Update on me 😊
So I've been on my anti anxiety meds for four months now and I must say..... I feel so much better now. My anxiety is still there which sucks but am able to shut it up easier now. I also stopped googling symptoms which is a huge thing and I don't ask for reinsurance that much anymore but sometimes when I get scared and Jeff decides to be a dick ( Jeff by the way is what I call my anxiety lmao) I ask but only once or twice. I also don't freak out about every little sensations i have!!!!! if I get a headache, I'm not terrified of it. Even though there has been good things, my anxiety is still there which means I still have some of my stuff still. But what really matters is that am learning how not to let it affect me anymore and I'm learning how to fight because im gonna be honest, its never gonna go away, but if I can get it to be not so loud, that's what matters.
Okay sooo lately have I have been taking anti anxiety medication and I'm not gonna lie I think it's working, sometimes the negative thoughts are really hard to shut up but recently I can tell them to fuck off and they fuck off, which is awesome! But sometimes I don't know if the pain I'm feeling is anxiety or something bad but I'm pretty sure it's anxiety.
If overthinking was a super power I would be the most powerful one lol
SUCKS ASS!!!
So I recently discovered I have health anxiety and must I say it sucks ass. Every single sensation I have, I think I'm dying. I ask for reinsurance all the time but now even when someone tells me they don't feel a lump or that my eyes are fine I still don't feel fine. Sometimes I wish that it would just go away because am so tired , I just want one day were I can breath without thinking something horrible gonna happen.
🖤
It takes ten times longer to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart.
Finnick // The Hunger Games
Anxiety drawing
I hate those type of thoughts, because I don't want to kill myself. If anything, I want to kill the part of me that wants to kill myself. But that's not a thing, so I guess I'm just stuck here and honestly I have no idea what to do, because I just want the depressing thoughts to go away & never return.
I know someone, who is a friend and we use to be close friends, when we talk together I get super anxious about almost every topic we talk about...
I try to avoid almost every topic... Like we can only talk about video games and very basic stuff otherwise I get anxious
I found more sisterhood on strangers than in my own home. -P
I didn’t want them to see my face… Hiding like I was a sinner walking among holiness… Like they could read all my wrongs written on my skin and felt the heaviness of my broken wings where they once used to be… Like I hadn’t any right to be here… -P
Do you have a crush??
Me: Noooooooo
Also me: *writing a poem about him*
It wasn’t commitment fear, it was abandonment fear. There is a big difference but in the end it only means loneliness. -P
All I can remember
Is that I fainted
I took my last breath and
Lost all my senses
Now Im
Barely being,
Anxiously creeping
And haunted by something
With vague reflections
me: i should really start watching my caffeine intake due to my anxiety, so decaf coffee and tea from now on
also me: SMASHES TWO JAVA MONSTERS A DAY
You cannot find peace by avoiding life
-Virginia Woolf