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Bsd Shitpost - Blog Posts
What I see when I’m scrolling the tl and people are talking about fandoms/ships I have no idea about and they use abbreviations:
soukoku, kunikidazai, sigzai... can we stop letting quality men be victimized by the tragic phenomenon that is dazai osamu 💔💔💔
(they should form a support group and kiss each other)
Ango is the type of guy to look at an organization, ask “is anybody gonna betray that” and not wait for an answer.
I've just imagined Akutagawa's coat going around for Yokohama while the black lizard is trying to take it
Imagine there’s a virus in BSD that doesn’t really impact the body at all, except for in the case of ability users. Then it just makes their abilities go haywire
It rarely if ever results in anything actually dangerous. It just means that Chuuya can’t stop floating off the ground every few minutes. Rashōmon is constantly branching off of Akutagawa’s coat and doing its own thing.
Kunikida isn’t allowed to touch paper until he’s recovered. Multiple pens and one unlucky stapler got flung across the office by a stronger-than-usual Kenji. Atsushi has a tail that won’t go away.
Since the virus doesn’t affect normal people, nobody ever bothered to develop a vaccine for it, so everyone with an ability just has to deal with it whenever it goes around every couple years or so
I was just trying to show my friend what a lovelock cut is.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE WEREN'T DONE AT EPISODE 12??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE A THIRTEENTH EPISODE TO SEASON 4????? I AM SO FUCKING BEHIND NOW YOU CANONT DO THIS FSHJDFK TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
these two are the only two people that are keeping me sane
bonus dazai bullshittery
*Valentine's day in Ada*
Dazai: Fufu...no one is giving me chocolate here, how rude. Is my popularity dying?
Kunikida: can you focus on your work then?
Atsushi: what's Valentine's day
Yosano: you give chocolates and other gifts to the person you love
*later*
Atsushi, giving Dazai chocolates: here, for you!
Dazai:....w-h-a-t
Atsushi: Yosano-san said I should give chocolates to the person who I love. But there are so many! So Kyouka-chan and I made chocolates for everyone. Here Kunikida-san!
Kyouka: the glasses one is for you
Kunikida:thanks... I'll keep it
Atsushi: we made a whole bag for Ranpo-san
Ranpo, eyes shining: I love valentine's day
Yosano: these are so cute guys!! Aww
Dazai: excuse me, there's something in my eyes
*Dazai rushes out*
Yosano: did he go to cry?
Naomi: Dazai-san is crying???
Junichiro: now we have seen everything
************************************
Dazai: (spontaneously combusts due to rare emotions)
Dazai saves Chuuya's number as "My financial help" because he borrows/steals a LOT of money from Chuuya. And one day Atsushi reads the call ID accidentally when Dazai is on phone and talking to Chuuya, and Atsushi only sees "My finance", which his brain interprets as "My fiancè".
And......
Atsushi with flowers: Congratulations, Chuuya-san on your engagement. I guess you are keeping it low-key now 😄
Chuuya, confused: what?
Dazai, gasps: woah Chuuya you are engaged? Who is it?
Atsushi: Oh come Dazai-san, you can't lie to me. You and Chuuya-san are getting married
Chuuya: WHAT???😨
Dazai: did you hear that Chuuya? We are getting married!!!!🥰
Yosano: congrats you two 🍷
Kunikida: at least tell your colleagues about your marital status...
Kyouka: I have to tell Ane-san this, she will be furious
Kenji: a wedding in the agency!!!! I'll bring a cow for the dinner!
Junichiro: I can't believe you two went through with it! Congratulations!
Ranpo: Will there be a huge cake in the wedding? Or else I won't come 🍭
Fukuzawa: does Mori know about this?
Chuuya: WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM
Dazai: Chuuya now this is peer pressure, we HAVE to get married 😚
Chuuya: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO CHIPPY
*ten years later*
Dazai: Thank you Atsushi-kun for getting Chuuya to marry me
Atsushi: Dazai-san, you two have divorced three times by now
Dazai: Fourth time's the charm!!!
*Dazai losing his mind over Fyodor being alive*
Chuuya: boy you gotta chill, we can catch him again
Dazai: we NEVER caught him in the first place!
Chuuya: Don't worry we will find him and catch him this time. The rest are fighting too they'll be okay.
Dazai: I CAN'T STAY CALM RIGHT NOW CHUUYA
Chuuya: who are you so worried about??
*sometime in the past*
Dazai: why are you always worried about things, it's not good to be this anxious
Atsushi: it took me a long time to find a family, I feel scared of losing them
Dazai, caught off-guard: losing? You will never lose us. We are the sticking kind
Atsushi: what will I do if I am alone ounce again?
Dazai: if it makes you feel better even if everyone else is gone, you will always have me
Atsushi: Dazai-san!!!🥺
*present time*
Dazai: CHUUYA WE NEED TO GO BACK TO JAPAN RIGHT NOW, someone needs me!!!
Chuuya: geez okay, let me hijack a helicopter first
Nikolai: I can take you with my ability
Dazai: what are you doing here right now???
Nikolai: I was taking selfies with Dos-kun's hand *waves the hand*
Chuuya: you're going to Japan too?
Nikolai: I need to meet the love of my life
Chuuya: you mean your enemy?
Nikolai: it's the same thing
Dazai, to himself: don't worry Atsushi-kun I'll come back. Stay strong. Kunikida will be with you until then.
Atsushi: I am really sorry for your loss little girl 😔
Aya: why do my dad's keep dying
Atsushi: oh....did you have two dads?
Aya: uh huh, technically four
Atsushi: h-how did that happen
Aya: I have a biological dad, who was the worst thing in my life
Atsushi: oh sorry
Aya: then I got Kunikida and things were okay for while, then he died.
Atsushi, tears forming: yes I just saw that 😭
Aya: Bra-chan became my dad too, he thinks I remind him of his daughter
Atsushi: awww 🥺
Aya: he was killed by Dosto-whatever-his-name-is in front of me
Atsushi: not him too
Aya: then the Dosto-person became my new dad, which I didn't consent to, he took Bra-chan's body!
Atsushi: this cannot get weirder
Aya: after all that Bra-chan came back to life for a min and gave me a new dad to replace him
Atsushi: and who's that?
Akutagawa: Princess, I brought your favourite doughnuts!
Atsushi: A-Akutagawa? What are you---
Aya: Oh here he is my new dad
Atsushi: you are a dad now?
Akutagawa: yes, it just happened recently. Jinko we have a child now.
Atsushi: W-We what?
I want some chaos, SO hear me out----
I want Akutagawa and Lucy to kiss for some reason (accidentally or intentionally) so that Atsushi will have the "My girl crush and guy crush are kissing each other and it's both terrible and hot at the same time"
Dazai: psk psk...Atsushi-kun....show me your paper
Atsushi: I can't! I don't want to get caught!
Dazai: oh come on! I don't even know these squiggly lines, is this English? Who the fuck uses cursive?
Ranpo: I am not even answering these questions, I am too smart for this
Yosano: if you are not answering, whom will I copy from?
Dazai: Can anyone help me? I don't even know what subject this is!
Akutagawa: I'll help you Dazai-san, take my paper
Dazai: NOT YOU Akutagawa!
Akutagawa: *sad Akutagawa noises*
Higuchi: don't worry, Akutagawa Senpai! I will look at your answers!
Akutagawa: NOT YOU Higuchi
Higuchi: *sad Higuchi noises*
Gin: those are some nice drawings Tachihara!
Tachihara: thanks, I can't write answers, might as well doodle
Chuuya, diligently writing answers: CAN YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP?
Kunikida, hitting Chuuya with a duster: Negative five points to Nakahara for cheating
Chuuya: WTF I WASN'T EVEN----
Kunikida: make it ten
Dazai: *laughing in the back*
Kunikida: and a Negative 100 for Dazai
Atsushi: that means he will get a 0?
Ranpo: looking at his answers, he is probably gonna get a -110, ten marks cut for bad handwriting
(I thought of this headcanon last night, Kunikida, as a former teacher gives the ADA and PM joint night tutoring classes. I didn't add the Tanazaki's cuz since they are highschoolers, they haven't missed basic education, hopefully)
(yes, Yosano is a Dr. and all, but is she a medical professional for real or they call her that because she is a healer? IDK?)
Fyodor took the body of his crush!!
He thought "If I can't have him, I'll become him and end him"
Also wtf was that chapter, I can't process anything.
(Asagiri! If Bram Bram dies or smtg, I am going to kms)
Atsushi: I don't know why you look up to Dazai-san of all people?
Akutagawa: why shouldn't I? He is a genius
Atsushi: well, he doesn't eat his vegetables
Akutagawa: what....
Atsushi: he naps during work hours, doesn't do his paperwork and spends most of his time making elaborate plans to annoy Kunikida-san
Akutagawa: you don't know him, he is the Port Mafia's demon prodigy, his ruthlessness and capabilities have no limits,the greatest, youngest, Port Mafia executive that's ever-----
Dazai: Atsushi-kun~
Atsushi: what is it now?
Dazai: I got stuck in the oil barrel again! And I mixed some random pills I found in the drawer. My head hurts, I think I need your help in doing my paperwork today~
Atsushi: why don't you do it in the afternoon?
Dazai: I am hosting a tea party for Ranpo-san, Kenji-kun and Kyouka-chan!
Akutagawa: .....
Atsushi, rolling his eyes: Yeah. Ruthless and capable my ass!