Dealing With Grief - Blog Posts

Grief

Izuku Midoriya was familiar with grief. Throughout his life, his precious heart loved too much. So when tragedy struck, the pain oftentimes felt unbearable. His generosity was taken advantage of far too many times. His compassion was abused. He lost people faster than he gained. Izuku Midoriya was very familiar with grief.

His father disappeared for a job across the world. Hisashi was too busy to send a text. He was too busy to say happy birthday. He was never there. All he was, was an idea. Only the thought of him existed to Izuku. The grief he felt from losing someone he never knew hurt the worst.

The people Izuku considered friends left him at the drop of a hat. No one stuck around. No one defended him. They changed faster than Izuku could comprehend. One second they played in the sand and in the next they were throwing sand at him. They were no longer people Izuku knew.

Izuku lost the one person he desired the most. Katsuki Bakugo became a star. Something so far away he’d never dream of being able to touch. Katsuki glowed and shined brilliantly. He was perfect in Izuku’s eyes. Izuku would chase Katsuki, refusing to give up. While the new version of his friend wasn’t tasteful, Izuku still knew how amazing Katsuki was deep down.

As Izuku grew up so did his list of losses. Quirkless people that he would meet on social media died. Once he got into U.A. he gained a lot of friends and strong adult figures, but just like in the past, people still left. His teachers died, many heroes died, villains died, and innocent civilians died. Midoriya at one point ran away, having to lose everyone he cared about to keep them safe. He watched the world crumble around him. Some of the people he held closest almost became memories.

Through all of it, Izuku persevered. He dealt with grief in many different ways. His method always changed and alternated depending on what and how.

Izuku was now in the middle of his third year at U.A. and couldn’t have been happier. His friends were alive, his teachers were alive, and villains were at an all-time low since the rise of quirks decades ago. Heroes were still needed by all means, but the League of Villains no longer existed and no war was about to break out.

Izuku had time to visit Eri and Kota more often as his workload was not nearly as big as it was in his first year attending U.A. The kids grew so much within two years. One day Aizawa informed Izuku he would need a babysitter for Eri. Izuku dropped everything to do so. Izuku took her out to the school’s garden, finding it a beautiful day to go outside.

Katsuki and Shoto got asked by Hatsume to go get Izuku quickly. She needed his opinion on some gear she was making for a first-year. They wanted recommendations and Hatsume knew asking the quirk analyst would help shorten down her list of ideas. The duo tracked him down to the garden with Eri after asking around.

Eri was currently weaving some flowers together, mimicking Izuku’s instructions. Izuku had asked about Aizawa and how she enjoyed living with him. Eri was more than happy to talk about her father, but suddenly she went quiet.

“Eri-chan? Is something wrong?” asked Izuku, worried that the chattering girl suddenly went silent.

Eri seemed to be contemplating something before looking up at Izuku. “Mister Deku, I have a question.”

“Go ahead,” encouraged Izuku, knowing Eri would ask no matter what. She knew she could ask Izuku anything.

Eri sat down the half-weaved flowers on the ground and focused on Izuku. “What is your Dad like? I can’t remember you ever telling me about him.”

“Oh, that’s because I never met him Eri. He went away for work before I got a chance to remember him,” revealed Midoriya, speaking to her in a soft tone.

“Why was he away for work for so long?” questioned Eri, not understanding why Izuku’s dad just wouldn’t be around.

Izuku shrugged, weaving Eri’s flowers for her. “I don’t know. His work was too important I suppose.”

Eri frowned, sad Izuku’s dad wasn’t around. “What about others?”

“Others?” repeated Izuku back to Eri, confused about what she meant.

“Yeah. The grandpas and grandmas and stuff. All of those people!” revealed Eri, a chipper grin on her face.

“Well, when I was young… they seemed to leave,” chuckled Izuku, unable to bring himself to tell her why.

Eri’s eyes widened, shocked Izuku was a lot like her. “Why did they all leave?”

Katsuki and Shoto arrived at the garden, spotting the two. They approached and saw the two talking. The expressions on Eri and Izuku’s faces signaled they were having a serious conversation. Katsuki walked right over, shamelessly snooping. Shoto went right alongside Katsuki. He wanted to know what Izuku was talking about.

Izuku was quick to come up with something, anything to keep Eri from getting too upset. He raised his head to see the sky peek through the leaves of the tree they were under.

“Sometimes special people come into our lives, stay for a bit, and then they have to go.”

Eri frowned, scooting closer to Izuku. “But that’s sad.”

“It is,” agreed Izuku solemnly. Izuku returned his gaze to Eri, resting his hands on the cloth of his slacks, smoothing out the wrinkles. He remembers how it felt to lose Toshinori. The news that Toshinori wouldn’t be around for much longer struck him in the gut so hard he couldn’t move. He couldn’t lie and say that it wasn’t hard. He smiled softly at her, tilting his head to the side. “But the bit where they were here was happy wasn’t it? Like Lemillion. When he was around, those were happy times.”

Eri’s eyes lit up, seeing the point Izuku was making. She giggled, a bright smile appearing as she nodded. “Yes! I brought his quirk back!”

Izuku hummed, nodding his head in acknowledgment. He recalled how monumental of a moment that was for everyone. Still, the thought reminded him of the war where no one walked away a winner. He pushed those feelings down, finding unconditional love for the girl he saw as his little sister.

“Maybe that makes it all worth it,” chuckled Midoriya, looking down at the flowers before putting one in her hair.

Eri smiled, touching the flower happily. She could understand what Izuku was saying. She missed Mirio always being around, but the time when he was around was a happy time. It made the time he was away bearable.

Shoto stood there, gripping the fabric of his shirt. He could feel his heart pound beneath his knuckles. The expression on Izuku’s face gnawed at him. The way Izuku said everything so mindlessly made Shoto realize Izuku thought of loss, a lot. Shoto lost a lot in his life, yet he couldn’t begin to deal with the grief in healthy ways. It took outside help to get to the point he was currently at. Even with the help he got, he couldn’t say there was anything that made it worth it. Not losing Toya, Rei, and the list of others he lost.

Katsuki watched with a blank expression. No matter what Izuku did, he couldn’t hide anything from Katsuki. Katsuki could see the strain in that smile. He could see the exhaustion replace the hope that was once in Izuku’s eyes. It made his palms sweaty. The way he felt was similar to the way a person would get when they had an itch they couldn’t scratch.

Katsuki loved Izuku. Izuku was like a porcelain sculpture, handcrafted by the heavens. Izuku's heart was made out of gold and he had the strength that could rival Gods and Goddesses. Katsuki looked at Izuku and drowned in hills of green. Izuku was the human embodiment of green: symbolic of life. His eyes, his hair, his everything.

Katsuki fell hard and Izuku had no clue. He watched Izuku tend to Eri with the maternal instincts he knew mimicked Inko. He knew deep down what Izuku was thinking the whole time. He knew what Izuku went through and how he dealt with losing people. Katsuki knew he had scared Izuku on numerous occasions when it came to “going away”.

Katsuki was about to step up and ruin the special moment, but Eri stopped him in his tracks. “Mister Deku… I don’t want you to go. You’re special.”

Izuku looked at Eri and his eyes widened. “Eri, I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you’re going to be a hero next year.”

“I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you,” reassured Izuku, giving her an earnest smile.

“You’re not?” sniffled Eri.

Izuku scooped her into a gentle embrace. “Nope. Never ever.”

Eri cried into Izuku’s shoulder, hugging him tightly. Izuku rubbed circles on her back as tears made their way down his cheeks. His smile cracked as he listened to the relieved cries of Eri. Izuku pulled back and tucked her fly-away hair behind her ear before wiping away her tears. “You won’t be going anywhere either. You’re just as special.”

Eri smiled, patting Izuku’s tears as well. “Never! I’d never leave!”

Izuku laughed, rising to his feet and extending a hand out to her. “Good, because who else would I have tea parties with?”

“Yeah, and you can’t leave because no one else can make me candy apples,” threatened Eri adorably, taking Izuku’s hand and jumping up.

Izuku patted her head, smiling fondly. “Speaking of food, it’s about time we get you some lunch. What are you hungry for today?”

Katsuki revealed himself to Izuku and Eri. Todoroki magically appeared beside Katsuki and waved at the two. “Hi.”

Izuku’s face lit up. “Kacchan! Shoto!”

Katsuki crossed his arms. “Hatsume needs your help when you get the chance. Also, I’m making us lunch today. You’ll burn down the kitchen.”

“I’m completely capable of cooking Kacchan,” sassed Izuku, raising a brow. Izuku had cooked before Katsuki on numerous occasions.

Shoto lowered his head in shame. “I can’t cook.”

Eri smiled up at Shoto. “Me neither! We are the same!”

Shoto perked up, nodding at the small child. “We are.”

Izuku was distracted by the two’s little scene and smirked. “Well, neither of you has to worry about that. It seems that Kacchan has you covered since he won’t let me cook.”

“Ha! Don’t try and do that guilt-tripping bullshit Izuku,” roared Katsuki, all bark no bite.

Izuku smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “Just saying the truth Kacchan. Let’s go then, me and Eri are hungry.”

As the four made their way into the main building, Katsuki wrapped an arm around Izuku’s shoulder and bit his chubby cheek. Izuku, used to the violent forms loving Katsuki showed, lightly bonked his head against Katsuki’s.

“Nothing makes it worth it if I can’t have you by my side,” murmured Katsuki into Izuku’s ear.

Izuku’s heart melted at Katsuki’s voice and his words of affirmation. Izuku leaned his head on Katsuki’s shoulder, using his free hand to wrap around his bicep. “You know I can’t live without you either,” whispered Izuku.

Izuku may be used to grief… but he will never be prepared when the time comes he loses the ones he holds the closest for good. But for now, Izuku has everything he could ever want. Eri, Shoto, and Katsuki had everything they could ever want. As cheesy as it sounded, it was because they had each other. They had love to keep the grief at bay or they made themselves believe so.

The End!

(also ignore the fact I referenced a scene from the kid's show Bluey in the episode “Camping” 😭 and ignore the fact that I thought about making a fan fiction because of it 💔 it was emotional okay?)

I wanted to publish this poem of mine 😅that just came to me after thinking🤔 of all the things I have through at school this year💯.

So please be honest😁 about the poem and pls give me pointers👀 that can help me improve on future poems in the future 😁.

REGRETS ✨

Over my shoulder the shadow looms like humid air.

Much to my dismay the time I have can't spare-

A moment of truth, for a greedy gasp of air

I only hope for a better day for us my dear.

We wish to be free amongst the others,

To be normalized into the casual ordinary

Living as the best of the worst was momentary.

We have survived but not thrived.

Bright gleams kills the burdens,

Lifting off the weight of notes and appearances,

Our moment has arrived to be recognized.

Yes. I hope to be next to you

Yet the world has bigger things that are due-

I write to say goodbye to the past life,

I had in those corridors and lockers,

And wave "hi" to the start of a new beginnings.

my dog chased the afterlife. i chased the memories and bits of pieces he left for me in this world. i miss that big fella..

grief hits in funny little ways always trying to remind you what you’ve lost.

Tonight might be my last night of therapy for grief and working through my miscarriage and I don't know how to feel about it. But I do know it's helped me through the pain so take that Nana, therapy does help.

And oh darling. I'm sending you so many hugs. The only things I'm sure about grieving is that it is never easy (and I think it's also complex). I truly hope you can grieve in peace and can find the right path for you. Everyone also deals with it differently, so there is no universal recipe for how to process these emotions. If you ever think you'd like to talk to about your experience or feelings, I would gladly offer a listening ear. Take care, Moss! - DCMK 2/2

I appreciate it. It's an incredibly rough time for me, but some days are better than others. I've been trying to get out of the apartment some days just to get out of bed and be somewhere else for a bit. Some days I couldn't leave bed if I tried. While I won't get into the details too much, I felt it good to make a page break and mention something if that's okay.

I think the weirdest part is before, during the few times prior I had experience loss, there was really mostly one person there by my side who had helped me navigate it. Someone I consider one of my best friends, and I know it was a mutual feeling. But this time, I have a lot of people around me, supporting me, and checking in, but it feel so wrong, since I'm used to having him around, but he's the one who's gone now.

And I try to remind myself that I shouldn't feel guilt, and I just feel so lost. I sort of feel like I'm just being pulled along by time, away, and drifting.