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Sigma: So you were born on April first?
Nikolai: That’s right! April Fool’s Day no less! Probably explains why I’m such a silly guy!
Sigma: I’m starting to think you being born on that day, was the world playing the biggest joke.
Sigma: Why are you like this?!
Nikolai: *Setting up corpses like a child having a tea party* Sigma. We’ve been partners for three years.
Sigma: *drops a cookie* Fuck me…
Nikolai: *pops head through portal* On it!
Sigma: *screams*
Fyodor: I have been meaning to talk to you alone, Nikolai.
Nikolai: That’s great! I’ve been meaning to have a chat alone with you too!
Sigma: *walks by* Keep it in your pants, both of you!
Sigma: Nikolai you are a very talented individual. You seem to bring laughter to others that are not your victims. So if you ever plan on finding a new job that isn’t for killing, I would gladly hire you.
Nikolai: So are we fucking or not?
Sigma: What?
Nikolai: ARE WE DOING THE SEX OR NOT!?
Sigma: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Nikolai getting turned into a bird and being a menace in the Decay. No one is safe from him he’s either pecking or ripping strands of hair out of his coworkers for his nest. Fyodor tries to put him in a cage but he escapes because he still has his ability. Later sends him to Sigma’s casino. Nikolai is now dive bombing Sigma’s employees as well as the guests. Only way Sigma can stop him is feeding him piroshki. Later on Sigma gets him a bird house styled to his liking does Nikolai behave. When Nikolai turns back he keeps the birdhouse as a gift and keeps it in his room as a memory he enjoyed.
(This was discussed in my discord chat about a pic I found online)
Nikolai: Uh oh look who got caught under the mistletoe.
Sigma: IS THIS WHY YOU CORNERED ME?!
Sigma: If Santa were real, neither of would be on the nice list.
Fyodor: Actually Santa has my name carved in marble from all the crimes I’ve committed.
Nikolai: Forget coal. Santa’s coming down the chimney for me with a shotgun after what I just did.
Fyodor: I have a feeling I have upset you in some way, Nikolai.
Nikolai: *Holding a gun to Fyodor’s head* Actually this is me flirting.
Nikolai: *Texting* Come on. One night with me. I can introduce you to so many kinks~<3
Sigma: *Texting* WRONG PERSON! I AM NOT FYODOR!
Nikolai: Who said this was for Fyodor? ;D
Nikolai: I’ve been good this year.
Sigma: You kidnapped and killed political figures. Stabbed an orphan in the leg multiple times. Drugged me. Then broke into a prison to stage a break out only because you wanted to kill Fyodor.
Nikolai:
Nikolai: I helped stop those thieves at that theme park.
Sigma: *On the phone* Come get your clown!
Fyodor: Actually he is your clown. I forged your signature on a marriage certificate for him last night.
Sigma:
Fyodor: Congratulations Mr. Gogol. I wish you two the best.
Sigma: When I said “kill them with kindness” I meant be nice to them. Not buy over 7,100 knives, carve “kindness” in various different languages on them and then stab people to death with them!
Nikolai: I know I thought this was more fun. Even Fyodor chucked at the joke.
Sigma: Nikolai. Where are you going?
Nikolai: Probably an asylum or the electric chair if I get caught.
Sigma:
Nikolai: Bathroom.
Sigma: I don’t want people being subtle with me. If you want something from me then please say it.
Nikolai: I want to fuck you.
Sigma:
Sigma: Go back to being subtle. For my sanity…
Nikolai: *Barging into Fyodor’s room* FEDYA~ I made us tea!
Fyodor: That is surprising but kind of you. *reaches for a cup*
Nikolai: *Pulls them away* One second. *looks at both cups* Want both?
Sigma: What are you thinking about?
Nikolai: How good you would look, tied up, gagged, and in the trunk of a car~!
Sigma:
Nikolai: You asked~!
Sigma: Nikolai. Quick question; what are into?
Nikolai: Let’s see… Blood play, bondage, pet play, maybe impact as long as I’m doing it, maybe a bit of role play, why do you ask?
Sigma: *Horrified* I meant hobbies!
Nikolai: Oh! bird watching and magic tricks!
Fyodor: While you are here I would like to give you a word of advice. Never under any circumstance should you be alone with Nikolai Gogol.
Sigma: Why is that?
Nikolai: *Appears behind Sigma* You’ll find out later.
Sigma: There is a pigeon in the kitchen. I think it’s trying to seduce me.
Fyodor: Tell Nikolai to stop and get back to work.
Nikolai: I am sitting right next to you. What the hell?!
Nikolai: I have a sexual fantasy I want to play out.
Fyodor: What is it?
Nikolai: Us in the woods. You running from me. Me chasing you. The moment I catch you. I carve you up like a pumpkin.
Fyodor: How is this a sexual fantasy?
Nikolai: You’ll find out later.
Nikolai: October has been here for over a week I wanna so something for Halloween.
Fyodor: Like what?
Nikolai: Oh you know, carve pumpkins, pick apples, murder you and dress you up as a scarecrow….
Nikolai: Congratulations! You’ve been promoted to missing person!
Sigma: Again!?
Nikolai: What do you mean again?! Who kidnapped you before me?!
Fyodor: What are you doing?
Nikolai: Decorating the base for Halloween.
Fyodor: Stop it. Bring Bram back inside this instant.
Sigma: Nikolai, we are on the same team. Why are you sending bomb threats to the Casino!?
Nikolai: Because I miss you.
Sigma: Okay Nikolai, humor me. If Fyodor were a demon, how would you go about summoning him?
Nikolai: Let’s see…Cello playing in the background. A few lit lavender candles. Sacrifice a rat or two…
Sigma: Did you…Did you try this before?
Fyodor: *In the next room* Last week!
Sigma: How many weapons do you even have on you?
Nikolai: Let’s see…
*Uses his overcoat and a pile of weapons fall out*
Nikolai: I think I’m running low.
Sigma: IS THAT A NUKE?!
Sigma: I’ve been noticing that Pumpkin spice is popular around this time.
Nikolai: I mean it’s fine.
Sigma: I can understand coffee, desserts, soaps, and candles…
Nikolai: But?
Sigma: Now they put it in pastas and deodorant?
Nikolai: You forgot chloroform.
Sigma: What?
Should I do a headcanon of Sigma, Fyodor, and Nikolai as cats?