Things I Didn't Realize I Could Do Despite NOT Being Posh/Rich
Things I didn't realize I could do despite NOT being Posh/Rich
Namely because I grew up not seeing it done in my own family so assumed I wouldn't ever be able afford to, or that was a class rule thing that I wasn't allowed to break lest I be perceived as a social climber or inadvertently saying I'm better than my peers.
Yay my Autistic black and white logic.
Since coming to these realizations, whole new levels of joy have opened up in my life.
(In no particular order)
#1 - Trimming my nails so they were all the same length on each finger and both hands
I’m honestly not sure what made me think I couldn’t trim my nails so they were all the same length. I grew up seeing adult women in my circle have uneven nails on their hands vs posh women with professionally manicured hands so maybe my mind just made the correlation. I always thought that the even nails were so elegant and wished my could be even too, but the women in my family didn’t care about manicures, and to be fair, I didn’t and still don’t like wearing nail polish, so even if I had worked up the nerve to ask for a manicure, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it.
But then one day when I was in my teens, I randomly, from the corner of my eye, watched a bit of some tween animated show (maybe Bratz?) and one of the girls broke a nail and then went on about how now she was going to have to trim all the other ones to match. And my mind was blown.
I realized then that having my nails all different lengths upset me. It didn’t matter if one or two of them had grown in very nicely if they didn’t match the rest. In fact, I was perfectly happy with them all being trimmed to the nubs if it meant they were all the same length.
I still have yet to get a professional manicure and I still don’t like painting my nails. I tend to keep my nails fairly short because I do martial arts and bake and gardening so having them short is practical. And having them all even makes me happier than a few of them looking elegant.
#2 - Having matching sets of themed underwear
As a teen and into my twenties, my bras never matched my underwear. Because I was raised on the kind of underwear you get in large packs. My mother openly scoffed at the pantie displays, saying pantie was such a vulgar term, and from the media it seemed wearing matching sets of underwear was reserved for “the bedroom”. Whenever I passed by a Victoria’s Secret, I’d see the piles of lace and my good Christian girl brainwashing had me roll my eyes and tell myself that I was better than the uncouth masses for not wearing such highly sensual underwear since obviously one only wore it if one was expecting to have intercourse with a man.
And then I discovered matching socks weren’t just a fashion statement limited to men.
Socks growing up had also followed the same rule as purchasing underwear - cheap and in bulk. But then I got several ballet flats and realized my normal socks were not going to go well so I got several pairs of cute floral socks to match with my outfits.
I also had been going to therapy recently and had started lifestyle changes like going to taekwondo three times a week and incorporating more healthy foods into my diet (I’m still pretty picky because most healthy foods aren’t safe foods for me, but smaller changes like using 100% whole wheat bread and drinking 2% milk have helped a lot).
Long story short, I was feeling more positive and comfortable and confident in my body and treated myself to some new clothes. Because I had also discovered Torrid - a clothing store that designs clothes specifically for women like me.
And after get a new wardrobe, the likes of which I never thought I’d get to have because all the cute clothes everywhere were too small for me, I realized I didn’t need a reason besides wanting to feel pretty to buy matching underwear sets. And to have enough to last me two weeks without repeating!
I’m such a visual person and it took me a long time to realize and embrace it. Sometimes I just open the special drawer where I keep all my pretty underwear and admire them.
#3 - Spaces beside your bedroom can be themed
By now the visual theme is well established. Stimming for neurodivergent people can take on my forms through the various senses - it’s not just limited to “flapping”. Visual stimming is my biggest stim. Nothing makes me happier than staring at beauty.
My bedroom has always been my sanctuary, especially growing up. We moved 8 times my first 18 years and my mom, being the artist that she is, tried to make the transitions easier by letting us pick a new theme for our rooms every time we moved.
The rest of the house outside my bedroom never seemed to have a theme. It was the 90s-2000s and if you don’t know the aesthetic for that time period consider yourself lucky. My parents also collected things from the places we moved and the trips we had gone on, so the rest of the house looked pretty chaotic to me (especially since in my room everything had to have a place and god forbid a single pillow was out of place).
I didn’t stay long enough in my first two apartments to put any effort into them (first one was while working as a teacher in Japan and the second was when I was in grad school). But when I got my first real job and my first real apartment, that’s when I realized I could decorate however I wanted to (because I was starting from scratch).
It took some trial and error to figure out what worked for me in each of the rooms. Obviously I couldn’t spend massive amounts of money, but with a little creativity I managed to cultivate spaces that made me happy.
My kitchen is very Japanese inspired - white base with sage green accents, bamboo blond pieces, and black or white appliances. My bathroom is white with navy colored middle eastern inspired accents. My study is white, blue, yellow, and green, the focal point being from a large Ghibli Castle in the Sky mural. And my bedroom is cottagecore fairytale with a base palette of white, green, yellow, red, and dark woods.
#4 - I can collect art from my favorite artists
For the final visual theme, ART. Growing up, my mom was a freelance artist. Our home was decorated with pieces she had made herself. From osmosis, I assumed either you were rich enough to buy original pieces, you were creative enough to make your own, or your were neither and were reduced to the cheap mass produced pieces one bought at hobby stores.
I inherited my mother’s talent for art and felt I couldn’t hang up anything on my own walls unless I had made it myself. Because why by someone else’s work when I could make my own?
But this was a problem because what I made didn’t always seem good enough for me to stare at it for hours and that would just make me grumpy.
And then I discovered that a lot of my favorite digital artists had shops. And from those shops, you could order prints.
And I realized buying prints was actually a very important thing to do, because it was supporting a freelance artist, like my mom had been. And what could be better than that? Plus I got to have beautiful pieces hanging in my place for me to stare at and visually stim to.
#5 - Just because something is a name brand and expensive doesn’t mean I can’t buy it if I can afford it
For years my mother has pointed out that I have expensive taste. For some reason I tend to gravitate towards the priciest items without even knowing how expensive they are. She also has a tendency to tell me I’m terrible with money (though living on my own without going into debt for over 10 years now should have proved to her and myself that that isn’t true).
Naturally this evolved into a strange complex of me thinking I didn’t deserve to buy name brand products.
And then I discovered Torrid (which by my upbringing is a name brand), and threw caution to the wind to buy clothes that I loved despite them not being on sale (though I still waited for sales and used discounts whenever possible).
And then I heard a rumor that Mazda wasn’t going to be making the Mazda3 model that I was in love with (because so many things about it from the color to the chassis reminded me of my favorite transformer, TFP Knockout). My old car was starting to break down and I decided I had saved enough for a new car (because it seemed getting a house where I lived would never happen anyway), and I bought my brand new dream car.
I know Mazda and Torrid probably aren’t considered high end name brands by posh people, but to me they are. Because growing up my clothes came from thrift stores or Walmart or from the sales racks at Kohls. I was never allowed to buy anything new at full price. When my family got new cars, the old ones had to be dead and the new ones were purchased for their practicality, not their looks.
My parents kept a tight leash on their finances. Both came from poorer families that had to make hard decisions and be creative to get by at times. And I appreciate the money saving tips they gave me.
But this is my life, and I need to find and make my own happiness. That doesn’t mean buying whatever I want whenever I want, but it also means not denying myself little luxuries because I don’t think I deserve them.
More Posts from Anazen333 and Others
The Stories that Heavily Impacted My Views and the Lessons they Taught Me
I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and videos that have been talking about how stories, whether they be in film or literary media (or even video games!), have made huge impacts that stay with people for the rest of their lives.
So it got me wondering; what stories did that for me?
Now understand, for me, these aren’t the stories that I would consider my all time favorites, though I would rank them in the top tiers. These aren’t the stories that I go to in order to have a good time and escape from the world. Rather, these are the fictional stories that have helped me grasp lessons that I probably wouldn’t have learned had someone just tried to shove them down my throat. And because of that, they give me a personal goal to aspire to as someone who wants to be a teller of impacting stories.
(As you can see, I couldn’t pick just one form of media.)
Novel - A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Lesson: That there is great power in kindness, empathy, and imagination. The world around us can be cruel and unforgiving, but that does not mean you should bend with it. To be a better person is difficult, especially when life gets hard, but there are those that have it worse and one is never too destitute to help someone else. And all it takes is a little imagination.
Graphic Novel - The Courtney Crumrin series by Ted Naifeh
Lesson: That our desires, needs, and even well meaning actions, have consequences. In fact, everything that involves choice has consequences. Some are good, some are bad, but you can’t escape right now or years down the road that they will shape life in ways that cannot be changed. But we don’t have to be in this chaotic mess alone. We can choose to find and keep people close to us to help make facing the consequences a little easier.
Film - Laputa: Castle in the Sky by Studio Ghibli
Lesson: That there is nothing wrong with having dreams so wildly out there they could be considered fantasy. Dreaming big is what has pushed humanity to the point where it is now and it will continue to traverse boundaries. That being said, we should not let those dreams become so all encompassing that we forget what it means to be human; to be able to love and see the beauty around us. Yes, it is good to dream of impossibilities that stretch beyond the sky, but it is also equally important to plant roots in the ground we stand on.
After reading all the available books by Ali Hazelwood, I have come to the conclusion that she has types. (Yes, plural).
Women: must be short, small chested (and complain about their small chests. Not to mention complain about their bones sticking out. And how men ogle them).
Men: must be super tall, built like comic book heroes, and have huge…equipment.
Normally, I wouldn’t give a hoot about her personal preferences. But when one is spouting messages of diversity and inclusivity, and has had their first work be a major hit (that I myself loved, btw), then I’m just saying it would be nice to see said diversity when it comes to the body types of her main characters.
I’ve already ranted about romance heroines making me want to slap them because they have the gall to whine about their small breasts, especially modern day girls who shouldn’t complain since the fashion and beauty industries center around thin women so really, they have no right-
But my point is that if Ali Hazelwood can get away with inserting her personal preferences into ALL OF HER BOOKS (seriously, there doesn’t seem to be any differences between all of the characters - males and females - besides hair color, eye color, and skin color) then I think that gives me the right to do the same and no one should be allowed to judge me for it.
Thus, all my main characters will be:
Women: all will be 5’5, plus size, and thank the gods they were born with ample bosoms (and also how they have those womanly tummies we all have no matter what our sizes). And have butts and hips that sashay from side to side without even having to try. Because it drives their men wild.
Men: all will be no taller than 5’9, will NOT have 'full' lips, have the bodies of Japanese figure skaters (especially the flat butts), and have equipment so small their pants never look awkward (because really, men need to know there are women out there that don’t find the male wish fulfillment body type attractive. I certainly don’t).
I hate my reproductive organs so much.
I don’t want kids. Never have, never will.
And for once, I’m convinced my body actually understands that (though it doesn’t seem to bother learning anything else going on with my personal wants).
So in a show of passive aggression for not being used to their fullest potential, my periods tend to be bad. Either I’m in a ton of pain, or I’m bleeding so much it looks like someone got murdered in my bathroom.
But for the past two months, I haven’t had my period. And rather than be worried, I was ecstatic. I was actually hoping my uterus had shriveled up to the point where I’d never have a period again!
And then the week of a major event started, and my organs were like, “oh, you have a ten day trip with your family happening in the next few days? That seems like the perfect time to BLEED.”
Touché, reproductive system. But I’m still not having babies.
Hot Take on (Disney live action) Beauty and the Beast
Probably not much of a hot take, but I think Luke Evans should have played the Beast in the live action B&B. Can you imagine him taking that himbo persona he had in the first part of the film and doing that with the Beast?
“Hmmm…how to get Belle to love me. Wait, she likes books? I have a whole three foot story library! I’m gonna give her the library! …But what if that doesn’t work? Better have a backup plan. Girls like chocolates and flowers right?”
Proceeds to give Belle the library and when she’s thrilled he not so subtly chucks the backup items out a window.
http://chng.it/fqXB4YPvv6
I’m can’t believe this! Why would they want to drop such a good show? And just when we’re were getting such great cameos and mysteries!!!!
3 Quotes of Mine (that pretty much sum up everything you really need to know about me)
“I would say Akhenaten is one of my least favorite Pharaohs.”
“I thought a ‘Vote of no Confidence’ was just a Star Wars thing.”
“I’ll put the bullets underneath the zebra cakes.”
(And yes, I have actually said all of these out loud in conversations with other people)
I will say this for Dune, it’s gotten some pretty sweet cover designs over the years
The trailer for the new Disney animated film, Encanto, just dropped and IT LOOKS GORGEOUS!!!
But can we all just stop and admire how much personality and character development is already being conveyed by Maribel (the main protagonist, I’m assuming) in her outfit alone?
To me, it looks like she took already made clothing, and then was like, “I think this needs more color”. And then proceeded to embroider without a plan. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the embroidery continued to spread like a doodle gone wild lol.
Discovering My Personal Style
Needless to say, it hasn’t been easy. Lucky for me, I was fortunate not to be influenced by outside forces: aka, the modern world in the form of public school. Because they would have attached stereotypes to me at best and bullied me at worst.
Before puberty, I didn’t really care about my style, because at that point I didn’t even know who I was. I didn’t have a firm grasp on what my likes, dislikes, personal goals and dreams were, and that was fine - it was normal. I was still learning about new things every day.
When puberty did hit and I suddenly started to care, things got confusing fast. For one thing, I went from being an elfin waif to a Germanic/Latina so full of curves the “teen” clothing section was not an option for me. So I turned to thrift store oddities and boys’ clothes… and growing my hair out to Sailor Moon anime lengths. Looking back, I think I knew I wasn’t going to be one of those people that strictly adhered to ever changing fashions, I wanted practicality and comfort, but all while still maintaining my femininity.
Those years, from my early teens to my early twenties, were hard on me, because I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted, so I lacked confidence in myself. Mid twenties weren’t all that helpful either. But between living abroad, working miserable jobs to save up for grad school and of course grad school itself, I didn’t have a lot of time and brainpower to stop and really reflect on what kind of styles felt like me.
And that was the missing piece I wasn’t getting for the longest time; what did I gravitate towards, what aesthetics brought me joy, what styles made me feel the most comfortable to be in my own skin?
Over the years, I think I picked up bits and pieces but didn’t put them together until recently. As a teen I wore boys’ cargo pants all the time. In my early twenties I had lots of tailored blouses. In my mid twenties I finally mastered some makeup techniques. In the past few years I’ve been on a 1940s-1960s vintage kick.
The result is what I think of as “Audrey Hepburn meets Evelyn O'Connell in the 21st century” (with a little Anazen originality thrown in).
So for those of you who are still trying to find your style, don’t feel pressured to do so. I didn’t know what mine was until I hit 30, and to be honest, it might change later! But right now, this is what I like and feel the most comfortable in. And for those that have found a style that doesn’t fit a stereotype; ignore the boxes! Especially if like me, you were worried about how your unique style would cause others to form false opinions of you before they got to know you. That’s not your concern, it’s completely on them. True relationships aren’t about what the other person is wearing.
We live in an age where it is ridiculously easy to experiment with an endless selection of styles and combinations, so it’d be a shame not to find a look that is perfect for you.
What needs to happen in She-Ra before it ends...
...in my opinion.
What I’d really like, more than anything, is for these two to be cannon and get a happy, non tragic ending.
BECAUSE I SHIP THESE TWO SO HARD! THEY’RE JUST SO ADORABLE!!!!
So what I want is for She-Ra to heal Hordak. Because if she can save Shadow Weaver from near death, SURELY she can cure Hordak of some clone imperfection thing and then these two can live happily ever after! I DO NOT want them ending up like Komugi and Meruem (HunterxHunter).
THEY’RE TOO CUTE TO DIE TRAGICALLY!
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Just random stuff that pops into my head or tends to circulate through my brain.
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