03/21/2025

03/25/2025

Tired school days pass by the quickest... Finally sitting in front of my laptop at 10pm to do more schoolwork (according to my planner), and once again, I wonder how my brain wandered off to a different space and time since 6pm.

Current mood 🙃:

Completed

✅ Doctor's appointment

✅ Classes

✅ Part-time job

✅ Food

✅ 30-min nap with my dog

✅ Randomly listened to an audiobook ad on YouTube for 1 hour...

✅ Clinic note

✅ New semester survey

✅ Check school email and reply

✅ Group project highlight

✅ Group paper section outline

To-Dos (still...)

⏹️ At least 1 hour of thesis writing

Venting: It's hard to not feel disappointed in myself for not working on any actual thesis writing in the past 2 days, especially when I keep telling myself that today is the day. I seriously just want my brain to not run away from my thesis because I feel like time is running out. I'm so exhausted both physically and mentally at this point that I just want to sleep for a whole day before doing anything. But I'm not sure if this is actually feasibly. I just feel so stuck in my brain right now that I just want to dump all my anxiety and fears out so my mind can shut up and do the actual work. Why is it so hard??? Ugh, and now I feel like I am not being kind to myself... But I really need to complain a bit. Life has been rough recently with school and it's not something that someone can solve for me.

03/24/2025

I updated my semester planner over the weekend and am ready to refocus my time and energy to finish my 4th semester in this program.

I was caught up with time-sensitive tasks and reworking my planner again for most of today, but I promised my accountability buddy that I would work on my thesis at least a little. I need to remind myself that:

It is never too late to start a task; it is never a failure to revise a plan.

I can't say for sure that I come back stronger each time. But I know I come back wiser and more rested with every setback.

Completed

✅ Scheduled medical appointment (finally!)

✅ Read all school emails and replied

✅ Updated semester planner for the next 1.5 weeks (for 2 group projects)

✅ Updated calendar to work on group projects and thesis

✅ Wrote a personal article

✅ Therapy session

✅ Did laundry

✅ Find PPT slide for group project

Thesis Tasks

✅ Updated thesis writing schedule for this week

✅ Review advisor's feedback on thesis draft

✅ Made 1 correction (I skimmed through an article for this so I'm calling it a win)

Today's study concluded at 1:24am.

Study Music 🎧:

"The House of Wind | Magical Night Under the Starts with ACOTAR Spring Court Ambience" - Prythian on YouTube

04/04/2025

Had a full-day of workshop and I still have a few more to go... The day hasn't been that bad. Not until I realized how much I got charged for a recent imaging I had to do for my accident 🙃 They say US health insurance sucks, and I cannot agree more. I'm trying to stay positive and keep faith in the Universe, but it's hard when things like this happen. I don't know what more I can do. I don't know how I'm supposed to let go and surrender.

Completed

✅ Workshop ✅ Hangout with my friend ✅ Dinner ✅ Thesis work (30 minutes) ✅ Phone call with partner

To-Do

⏹️ Shower before bed

04/15/2025

Today, I think I tapped into hyperfocus mode because (1) I only slept for 4 hours, and this is what happens sometimes when I'm sleep-deprived, and (2) my period just started, so I'm getting some energy back? I still need more evidence to support this claim haha.

I am very grateful today because even though my follow-up appointment with my doctor was basically unnecessary (I think she Googled my diagnosis and gave me recommendations from online...), I had an overall good day. I was on time for my 9am class (after a few weeks of being late). I attended all my classes. I got food for this week. I tried to get my oil changed, but the shop was busy, and somehow the staff miraculously offered to change my oil for free because they overestimated their workflow (thank you, Universe!!!). I ended up going to do my car inspection today, which worked out. And I was on the phone with my partner for a couple hours while he shopped, and somehow I felt included and valued. It feels good to be loved and supported by the people around me and the Universe 🩵

Completed

✅ School ✅ Doctor's appointment ✅ Part-time job (didn't do my full shift today so I'll have to work more hours tmr...) ✅ Car inspection ✅ Renew car registration ✅ Phone call with partner ✅ Case presentation - part 2 (1.5 hours) ✅ Walk my dog ✅ Dinner ✅ Watch Everyone Loves Me ✅ Case presentation - final (0.5 hours) ✅ Clinic report - result 3 (0.5 hours) ✅ Clinic report - result 4 (0.25 hours) ✅ Clinic report - result 5 (0.25 hours) ✅ Sleep by 12:30am?

To-Dos

I switched out a task and finished 2 small ones instead! 🎉

[End of study: 12:25am] So ready for bed 😴 Can't wait to get my beauty sleep tonight because I so so deserve it 🩵

3/1/2025 Day 1

I feel like yesterday wasn't that bad, so today should start pretty well too... Guess I was wrong / not as accurate as thought about my own behaviors.

I ended up waking up and checking social media, and it sent me down a spiral of starting this new online novel about werewolves and fated mates. They know me too well lol.

Now it's past 3pm and I have a long list of to-dos, combined with what I didn't get to yesterday. Will this kind of life ever end? Will I ever decide to not push away what I need to do right now and enjoy the instant gratification that causes me long-term despair?

Middle of Day 1 Recovery

Spent some time with a friend and started working on a minor task that I had been procrastinating on. Feels good to finally get it done, even though it is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

I feel a little bit more in control when I feel like I don't need to be a couch potato 24/7 (no judgment if someone chooses to be this way). I just realized that I need something to distract me from falling into a dark hole of depression and self-pity. I think today hasn't been too bad =)

Transitions are hard...

Like I know I got diagnosed last year with ADHD, but I haven't felt like this in so long? Seriously, I don't know how I've functioned so well in college, and now in PhD, my brain is starting to give up on me.

I wish my school or someone had taught me how to use a neurodivergent brain growing up. Maybe it would be less difficult right now.

It feels like I make a plan, and then the next thing I know, my brain chooses not to follow it cause it's not exciting enough. I wish I could just work 4 hours a day and then rest and recharge using the remaining time. I know this is impossible with my current workload and commitment, but I can't wait for that day to come when I can create my schedule and I don't have to worry about not having enough income each month.

Good luck my pals who are also neurodivergent ~

03/26/2025

A quick update before I crash... Had a long day of school and vented to my best friend for an hour before doing work at night. I guess you can say I had a productive day of procrastination.

Completed

✅ Classes

✅ Seeing client

✅ Part-time job

✅ Research meeting

✅ Grocery shopping

✅ Sushi night

✅ Online quiz

How I feel during the day:

I still haven't written anything new for my thesis this week, and the stress and pressure are slowly getting to me. But my friend is right: What needs to get done will get done eventually. So maybe I can let go and live a little, breathe some fresh air back into my lungs, and stop feeling like I have to do a million things in a day for the next 6 weeks.

~**~ Pinterest Inspirations ~**~

I have been overwhelmed lately with everything I realize I need to finish by the end of the semester, which is in 7 weeks. Sadly, my birthday is within the next 7 weeks, and I would hate to be stressed out on my birthday weekend. I was in a similar spot last year having to finish preparing for a presentation the night before my birthday. I wish it would've been different. And I so do not wish this fate upon myself again this year.

Another year, a better me.

It's time to change how I handle my schoolwork and life in general. No more hiding away or being frozen in place. I have to keep my eyes open no matter what comes my way and see it for what it is - a challenge I have been trained to overcome. It just gets a little scary when everything gets thrown at you at the same time.

Reflection: Everyone is broken in some way. Why is being broken so bad?