Embrace Tradition

being iced tf out by people who ‘care’ and ‘love me’ and ‘understand me’ even though they don’t care to see that i’m literally at the lowest point of my life!!!

fake ass mfs made a whole separate gc to chat shit about me when i’m currently sitting in my bathroom wondering how many cvts i deserve today

will you notice my fat rolls if i split my wrists open and bleed out in the bathtub???

Sipping diet coke while scrolling thru edtblr is my daily ritual

I want to cut so deep until I can see my bones

i gave you one end of the string, now all you have to do is hold on and slowly let it unravel.

please, listen to the silent words and watch my eyes.

my life depends on you, love.

Quick Ana tips since a lot of people have been asking

(My credentials is that I lose 10 kg in 2 weeks maybe even a bit more than 10 and my natural weight was 49.8 without my restriction or disorder)

- drink 3 liters of cold water a day, one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one around 6-8 pm don’t drink anymore water after 8 pm even if you sleep at 11-3.

- eat fiber, I usually make pancakes and out some oatmeal on it with activia blueberry yogurts (one is 90 calories and I use it for about 2-4 pancakes depending on my calorie limit that day)

- skip breakfast, morning tea

Recipe: water, 2 bags of Kenya tea (2 cal per bag), cinnamon (0 cal, however much you want), ginger and ginseng(however much you want, little cals), cardamom (some), those grains that look like crow feet (about 5-7 of them),crushed ginger ( a little), sugar (about one normal tablespoon, usually 16 cals),oat milk (I cup is 90 cals but I usually just use 2-3 splashes so 10 cals usually)

Total cals are less than 50 I drink this yummy digestive tea with my fibrous pancakes, a replacement for breakfast or when water and Diet Coke aren’t helping enough!

- mints and ice cold water (trust me)

- have a once a month pass for anything (chips,donuts,going out to eat at a restaurant)

- surviving eating at a restaurant or family dinners is first drinking 3-5 cups of glass water, eating more of the bread and butter so that you’re “full” by the time your real food comes, eat a little of your meal and try to share with your family saying that you “didn’t like it as much”, of course walk after your meal

- I do 10-15k steps a day! 10k is my minimum

I set my step app to 5k and since I’m an overachiever (lol) obviously I would want to do more!

- I love dancing to kpop in my room for usually 1-3 hours spread out through to my day gets usually 5-7 k steps and adds about 200 cals burnt to my usual steps

- read books,watch movies,write poems, play chess, anything to distract you from food

- I don’t do Pilates often but when I do I use Nikolas Pilates

- don’t rely too much on diet drinks, focus on teas and water as well

- try not to fast more than 41 hours, my first ever water fast was in the 2 week of April and I felt so dizzy and weak after it but the high was amazing so can’t wait to do it again!

- don’t restrict so much you relapse into eating “normally” or binging

“it’s your choice” “you have options” “you know what to do” actually i am very much not well and giving me a ‘choice’ that has no outcome that makes everyone feel good is making me wanna kms!!!

all these expectations. fuck you and fuck everyone else.

do what i want!!

no do what i want!!

nah bro what about what i fucking want. i can’t deal with this anymore. every outcome just ends up with me wanting to slice my wrists open, hang myself from the ceiling, jump from a bridge and EVEN THEN none of you would care.

“we didn’t even notice” man stfu i’m clearly losing my fucking mind and HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS.

lord just let this end, please. i’m begging with everything i have. please.

i'm a disease. a lethal, deadly disease. everything i touch ends up ruined. i'm ruined and i'm ruining others. everyone would just be better off if i dropped dead.

i’m such an unlovable piece of shit but god please just let me feel loved just one last time before the silence