Latest Posts by thisfeelswrong - Page 4

“I’m not going anywhere”

“you won’t scare me away”

“It’s okay to lean on me for support”

“you’re my closest friend”

“I don’t think you’re too much”

“I’m not going to do what they did”

“I want to be with you and only you”

“I love you”

“I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore, I hope you can understand”

No matter how many times my favorite person tells me he loves me I don't believe him. i can't believe him. I'm afraid of dying and not having ever felt truly loved. It's like there's a wall up in my mind that prevents me from thinking anyone could ever possibly love me. Because how do you really know?

you don't.

bpd is so unbearably lonely. you never feel like anyone loves you because they only care about the sanitized idea of you, the one you made up so people don't abandon you again. as soon as your messy symptoms show, suddenly you're not nearly as loveable. having bpd is to spend your whole life trying desperately to make yourself more palatable

I wanna burn down every single bridge I built cause I’m tired of being the only person that makes sure it doesn’t fall apart

Does anyone else feel lonesome?

Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.

Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.

Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.

Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.

I'm literally in an abusive relationship with myself, I constantly belittle myself, and put myself in situations intentionally to be harmed.

It finally clicked in my brain, that the reason you don't treat me like you treat others in your life, is because you love the others in your life. You love having them in your life. I've simply become the obligation you can't untangle yourself from.

Idk if thats a bpd or a me thing

Thanks for hanging out with me! Was I cool? did you like me? What do you think of me in detail? Do you hate me?

bpd feels like you’re constantly begging for affection because normal amounts of affection doesn’t feel like enough

it seems impossible

The second I feel slightly better I'm like: "you never felt bad in the first place you're all faking it for attention, fuck you fake ass emo"

And then I feel stupid 🧍

some days i think i’m okay and some days i wish i was six feet in the ground

Kind of don’t want to have to be strong and keep fighting anymore just want to give up and give in im so tired

At the end of the day, it's still you alone with your blades while the people who hurt you so much live peacefully

And you're here, on this fucking app, trying to find comfort in people at least as destroyed as you are

how unfair is that ?

my scars are fading.

i need to make more

I genuinely think there’s something so irrevocably wrong with me that no matter how hard I try to recover and distract myself with good people and nice things I will never be able to escape it

“I can’t talk right now, I’m doin hot girl shit”

*reads fanfiction for 3 hours*

*daydreams about my favorite characters and actors*

*takes a nap*

It doesn't matter how far I've come, how hard I tried or how much I gave.

At the end of the day I'm just a sad little girl curled up on her bathroom floor wondering why she can't ever be someone's first choice.

Wondering why it never got better like they all said it would.

bpd is spiralling when they don’t respond and beginning to strongly despise them, only to return to normal as soon as they text you back (all in 5 minutes)

One person's tone is off and suddenly I'm incapable of moving or feeling anything other than feelings as extreme as grief for hours on end and I'm unable to communicate or talk to people to be able to ask for help or reassurance to fix the problem. Why does my brain have to react this way

I relate.