Latest Posts by thisfeelswrong - Page 5

It finally clicked in my brain, that the reason you don't treat me like you treat others in your life, is because you love the others in your life. You love having them in your life. I've simply become the obligation you can't untangle yourself from.

I'm literally in an abusive relationship with myself, I constantly belittle myself, and put myself in situations intentionally to be harmed.

𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫

that moment when you’re empty and nothing matters anymore . you don’t even know who you are anymore but it’s okay it doesn’t matter , you just want to disappear .

i hate that BPD gives me such a lack of emotional permanence.

you can spend hours describing the ways in which you care about me, yet the moment you stop my brain will immediately decide you hate me and are destined to leave me.

I’m done, defeated. Some of us aren’t meant to be loved. Today is the day I will try to accept that. Keep to myself. It’ll hurt. A lot. A lot. But I’m done. My life has been agony and my fragile heart can’t take this anymore. I’ll always be an object. To be used then thrown away. I’m not good enough or worthy of being loved.

I’m never the girl the guy wants. Fuck it ruins me to see me be tossed aside like garbage or used like garbage 😔

How a person ends things with you, speaks volumes. You always have the choice to be kind and respectful. It’s always there. But he decided not to and although it’s a reflection of him but god damn it always ends with, what did I do.

Sometimes I feel like I go above and beyond for people to make up for the fact that I’ll never be good enough and in hopes that it’ll distract them enough so they don’t notice and leave.

You know what’s selfish? Breaking someone to the point where they don’t live. Breaking them so bad that they cant be fixed anymore. When they think of life, it’s synonymous to agony. They just survive each day. It’s not selfish to want to end it. It’s liberation from suffering. It’s selfish to do this to someone repeatedly and ask them to stay.

Why should I stay when no ever did.

Rejection. It’s all I’ve ever faced my life. From lovers, from family, from friends, from opportunities to success. I kept going. Kept thinking maybe it just wasn’t right. But I’ve reached that threshold where my fragile heart can’t take it anymore. Each time I get rejected now, it’s like some squeezing my heart and shattering it into uncountable pieces. It makes me feel small, worthless. Like every cell of me was created to be hated. To be looked at with resentment and disgust. Who could love you, my brain says. Look at you, you sorry being. So peculiar. So unlovable but so desperate for love. Wish I’d realize the only solution is to be alone. It’ll be lonely, it’ll hurt but I promise you it won’t burn like when you are rejected. If only I could kill that tiny ray of hope and give up. It would save my life.

I am no one's favorite anything. The only people that "like" me only like what I can do for them.

I’ve been stuck third wheeling for so long it’s starting to trigger me. No i don’t want or need a man but why is no one showing interest in me!

I love my scars

"erm that leaves scars" Thats the best part

-kurea:)

Theres nothing more disturbing than being self aware while you have severe mental illness. Like I’ll be breaking down, bleeding out, about to off myself and then remember that normal people don’t do this shit and any sane person would go to the damn hospital.

being suicidal at a funeral is the weirdest thing ever.

thoughts be like:

damn this is sad. they say all those nice things… would they do that for me too? who would come to my funeral anyways? what flowers would they bring? what would the speaker say i did in my life if i never really did anything. i dont want to see my grandma cry but damn i want to be dead so bad but what a bad person am i? its so selfish to want that!

Theres nothing more disturbing than being self aware while you have severe mental illness. Like I’ll be breaking down, bleeding out, about to off myself and then remember that normal people don’t do this shit and any sane person would go to the damn hospital.

There will always be someone prettier, wittier, skinnier, funnier, smarter, happier, easier to love;

and I cannot help but feel as though I will never be enough.

a little comic about missing major milestones, feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure, and the brain worms of it all

~ Girls when they can never be as pretty as the others, no matter how hard they try ~

I’m 100% sure I’m gonna die by my own hand

BPD math: they said I can come "if I want" instead of "you should come" so that means they hate me and they wish I was dead.

questioning bpd culture is being in a downward spiral for weeks and matching almost every bpd symptom, but the MOMENT that I go a whole day without feeling awful I immediately think that I've just been faking it this whole time and clearly must be actually fine

.

do you ever think you're special to someone, but then you see this person acting the same with everyone else and you're just kind of

oh, alright

Idk if I’m just a loser with no friends, but being severely depressed and putting your phone on DND all day to see that nobody checked in kinda hurts lol. Maybe it’s just me.

Somehow, despite my best attempts, I doubt I will ever be content with my own company.

I think there will forever be some part of me who yearns for that standard teenage friendship, you know? The late nights, the car rides, just the opportunity to have someone to talk to.

I’m so used to being second place- the friend they sit with when the others are away, the one they call when no one else picks up, that despite my best efforts, I can never see myself as anything more than a placeholder.

I’ve never had the high school dream. The friends, the parties, the relationships. Just the overwhelming sense of discomfort. The recognition that despite my best efforts, I will never be seen as more than the “fat friend”.

Buying my coworkers lunch and gifts as if this is stardew valley and I can bribe them to be my friends