Latest Posts by thisfeelswrong - Page 3

having BPD is like simultaneously being a black cat and a lost puppy

you can be the sweetest little kitty and do no wrong but there’s nothing you can do to change some people’s mind about you. they’d stereotype you and believe all the misconceptions without giving you a chance.

you’re also constantly looking for your person. your place to call home. longing for that warmth and comfort of love but you feel so helpless in a storm that doesn’t seem to stop pouring. following mindlessly any person that gives you the slightest attention and being obsessed with them until you look up and realize you’ve lost them and are alone again in the unforgiving storm.

bpd is actually so crazy i cannot tell you how genuinely intense everything feels.

i get so, so upset during episodes over the smallest of things. it isnt just "oh im sad" either its fucking cutting myself, wanting to die, hyperventilating and begging and pleading and making a plan to kill myself because what im feeling genuinely seems like the end of the world. theres a void inside of me that can only be filled by a love so intense that it drives me to insanity. i will overeat, spend unnecessarily, hurt myself, cling and depend on people who give me the slightest bit of attention, send suggestive things of myself to others, and put myself in dangerous situations just to feel something. that void can only ever be truly filled by an fp. without one, i feel so, so empty. i truly feel like im nothing without them. their whole existence, getting to see and talk to them everyday, getting to be with them, is the whole reason that i continue to survive. the moment theyre gone, even for five minutes, its back to nothingness. i cannot feel without them, i physically cannot bring myself to. but having a fp is so, so painful. their mood determines mine. how they treat me will determine how i feel. everyone else compared to them feels miniscule and unimportant. i could be seriously harmed by another person or admired by another person and it wouldnt matter, because the only person whos opinion of me matters is my fp. i would cut off all of my friends just to be with them and them only. i would do anything to stay with them. and when they leave, you have to understand that my whole purpose has been torn away from me. my whole reason for continuing to live gets fucking ripped away from me. and when they ignore me? i put myself in dangerous situations, i hurt myself, just so theyll come and find me and save me, take care of me, feel bad for me. i try to make them feel the same pain they make me feel by ignoring them, purposely triggering them, trying to get back at them. i hate them, because what could be more important to you than me? i put you above all else, why cant you do the same? nobody else, nothing else, should be more important or as important than me, because thats how i feel about you. and fuck, it hurts so bad knowing my partners will never feel as intensely for me as i will for them, unless im their fp. it hurts knowing that theyll truly never feel the same level of obsession and want for me that i feel for them. that theyll never be able to fully return those feelings. but its so hard being mutual fps with someone. it drives you insane. it can lead to horrid situations.

bpd is so, so hard. i hate this disorder.

i was so small and new when i was ruined, i never stood a chance

Does anyone else just randomly feel like they're annoying everyone around them and that they should just disappear for a while to give everyone else a break from their existence, or is that just me?

People really think I'm joking when I say my emotions get so intense that I believe the only way out is to kill myself.

Born to be clingy and obsessive, forced to be cool and nonchalant about things

please don't leave; when I think you're leaving my head gets fuzzy and the world caves in and my heart bursts and leaks into my legs and the rot overcomes me

I’ll never be pretty enough

I’ll never be skinny enough

I’ll never be capable enough

I’ll never be funny enough

I’ll never be enough.

I ⠀ want ⠀ to ⠀ be ⠀ loved ⠀ more ⠀ than ⠀ I want ⠀ to ⠀ be ⠀ alive ⠀ .

pls don’t flirt with me i want to be nonchalant so bad but i unfortunately crave connection so intensely that i will give you my entire soul and forgive you over and over until i’ve lost myself completely and feel like i’m drowning

It's painful when your presence is merely tolerated, not cherished.

Doesn't matter how much effort I put in, right? It's hard to love me.

am i the abusive one?

am i the reason so many people leave?

i am arent i?

i’m the problem

i always have been the problem

i’ll always be the problem

please im so tired im just so fucking tired please just stop can everything stop im so tired im begging can it all stop

Feel better by Penelope Scott is the ultimate relapse song

*me, still insane* “I used to be sooooo crazy “

I fucking hate looking in the mirror. Why the fuck do I look like that and why the fuck can’t I be different and how the fuck can anyone even tolerate being near me.

Once I learn how to stop being me it’s over for y’all

posting on tumblr cause i don’t have anyone to talk to, tired of burdening my fp with my feelings, it just pushes them further away, im so lonely.

One of the worst possible things about having bpd is having no sense of self.

Imagine going through life tied down to a total stranger. I am constantly changing, not knowing what I like or don’t like. I base my value on other people around me. Isn’t that so fucking pathetic? And there’s nothing to do that can change it.

I am a stranger to myself and nobody hates the way I am more than I do.

bpd is distancing yourself because their tone slightly changed and then running back crying to them begging them to love you

i’m so tired

Being near me is not a privilege, it’s a punishment

i hardly have any pictures of myself after the age of like 6 because nobody around me paid attention to me and when i became a teen i hated myself too much to take pictures, and i don’t even take them now as an adult. it makes me sad when i see pictures on social media of my friends hanging out and doing things, having photographed memories they can look back on.

me? i sit and rot in my bedroom, not going out and unable to look at myself without feeling disgusting.

I had forgotten about so many of these ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

100 little things I stayed alive for

Reflecting on the little things that kept me around when I didn’t want to be. It’s not wrong if the only thing you’re living for is trivial. Try to remember your own✨

Warm bed, cold room

The animals outside

My favorite artists releasing new content

My favorite creators releasing new content

Eating the dough when I bake

Seeing animals at the zoo

Growing plants

Laughter

Wearing my favorite outfit

Deep diving on a topic I’m into

Laying in the sunlight through the window

New funny memes

Dogs

Stuffed animals

Oversized sweatshirts

A really good meal

A really good sweet treat

Music that gives me chills

Colorful flowers

Spite

Curiosity

New books

Cool rocks

Low lighting

Vanilla candles

When the weather starts to cool

Waking up and realizing I have hours longer to sleep

Funny videos online

Leaning a new skill

Realizing I’m passionate about something

Rivers

Mountains

Pretty landscapes

Listening to a song/album on repeat

Sitting down after standing for a while

Bird nests

Crocheted clothes

Rain

Thunder

Clouds

Road trips

Winning bingo

Crunchy piles of leaves

Accidental jokes

Discovering new music

Petty revenge

Love (of anyone or thing)

A dog running to you

Finding a really good restaurant

Ice cream with a hot dessert

Cold water

Wholesome videos online

Finding something really cute on sale

Coloring

Writing

Late nights

Deep conversations

Discovering a new aspect to my personality

Sleeping

Odd compliments

Freaking out with a fandom

Slime

Dogs again

Blowing dandelions

Someone getting my reference

Dancing to music alone

Learning useless facts

Learning funny facts

Telling an anecdote someone is interested in

Learning to cook

Dogs again

Taking a photo of myself that I like

Gift giving

Getting gifts

Winning carnival games

Feeling free

The sound of streams

Baths

Doing my hair

Doing my makeup

Taking a pretty picture

Windy days

Seeing the stars

A child laughing or smiling to me

Decorating my water bottle

Wind chimes

Binging a good tv show

Homemade gifts

Ice cream trucks

Making someone laugh

Overcoming a fear

Making progress internally

Inside jokes

Finding something after searching for a while

When the world feels paused / not real

Finding a nice-feeling texture

Smooth drawing pens

Colorful sunsets

Waterfalls

A really good story

If none of these resonate enough to help, I implore you to come up with your own :)

I've never been good with reaching out to people but I finally had my group and I thought that I had found my people

But then time after time as soon as there were other people there it was like I didn't exist anymore and I'm so fucking tired

Is it really so selfish of me to want to feel important for once

Like damn I do everything I can for these people and when I haven't reached out in over a week nobody cares

Nothing changes and they move on without me and then when I finally suck it up and go back because I'm a whore for any sort of attention no matter how fleeting they will act like it's just a silly little thing that I did

I can't stand being alone I can't be alone with myself anymore

But they make me feel so goddamn pathetic

when you finally reach that numb after the breakdown >>>

ouch being reminded you’re the biggest waste of space hurts

Realizing that the ppl you make time for can’t find it in themselves to give you even a second of their time has gotta be like top 5 most heartbreaking things to happen