Interviewer: So How Do You Feel Like Speaking Right Now?

Me watching Fruits Basket:

What I thought it would be about: Oh it's a typical shoujo anime with two pretty boys falling in love with the main girl. I can watch it and be relaxed. And they turn into animals! Haha, fun.

What it was: Trauma, PTSD, Parental neglect, isolation, self loathing, self depreciation, depression, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, guilt, regret, grief, loss, heartbreak.

Now I need therapy.

(PS: as a girl who loves Girly media and Shoujo manga. I am so happy that this is a Shoujo that subverts a lot of people's expectations and makes you understand that Shoujo/Josei are NOT all the same as well as depict such a good story about familial trauma which is something we don't usually get.

I wish we could get more Shoujo/Josei anime each season 🥲)

The Curse of Creativity and the suffering of artists:

"There are tons of people who are just as good as me." - Seiji Amasawa, Whisper of the heart (1995)

Ghibli movies have always had a huge impact on me. Full of quiet sensibilities and easily understood complex concepts; Ghibli movies made my childhood and the person I am today. And despite the cuteness of Totoro, the innocence of Ponyo, the quirky weirdness of Howl's moving castle (the themes of that movie are so intricate too) or the message about hardwork and burnout in Kiki's delivery service, there is one movie that remains in my heart (no pun intended)

"Whisper of the Heart" has taught me so much about myself and the path I am headed. It is the most beautiful, soul-crushing movie I have ever watched not because it has wars and the death of loved ones but because it is relatable and grounded. I can see myself in Shizuko and Seiji, I understand their struggles and dreams. I smiled with them and I cried for them. I related to Shizuko's struggle to see her writing as anything good and Seiji's belief that despite his achievements he isn't anywhere near as good at his skills as some other people.

This movie made me think about the saying I so often hear "Don't suffer for your dreams". While I scoffed at it when an adult said that to me first, now that I am much older and hopefully wiser, the words struck me not as nagging but as a warning.

Suffering doesn't equal great art, some people think that only those who are depressed and mentally ill can make great art, which is completely false. (Although I don't blame those people as many great artists and writers were actually mentally ill, it's not the only thing that makes one a great artist!) You don't have to suffer to be a great artist, you just have to be creative and work hard, there's nothing more to that.

When I was in my most depressed state during the last two years of high school, I wasn't writing or working hard on my book. I was staring at the wall wishing I would disappear. Overcoming that depression led me to write better, work harder, chase my dreams with passion.

During the times where I am stuck in a chapter I can't get through and my brain goes blank, I think to myself if I am actually a good writer or I have been just treading the waters of talent that I don't have. When people call me talented, it makes me squirm, it takes away my hardwork and effort.

Being a creative person is not easy, it's not all sunshine and rainbows where you are constantly getting new ideas. Sometimes it makes my head hurt. Acting on your ideas is not easy. I can think all I want but when it comes to actually writing that idea, I freeze.

Being an artistic person makes you feel self conscious. If anyone will like what I do? Will someone criticize me? What if no one likes my work? What if they judge me? There's someone who is better than me, why should I even bother?

Creativity isn't just a blessing, it's also a curse. It's a double-edged sword.

You should try to achieve the best but not make it your end goal. Life is so much more than success, fame and material goods. I don't write for any of those things, I write for myself and the people I care for. Even if I don't end up publishing any of my novels, I would still write. Never stop dreaming and become monotonous, you don't have to make sure your hobbies earn you money, they should give you peace and happiness.

There are times when I spend too much time in front of my computer typing out another new story when I stop and think back at those words, I don't feel dispassionate, suffering won't make me happy, writing whatever I want would. So I type ahead for some more minutes and take a break. I indulge in the world that I create in my books and make characters that I love more deeply than human beings, but I don't want it to become my life. I would still do normal everyday things and talk to normal everyday people. Work-life balance is utter bullshit and too idealistic, but making sure your work doesn't consume your life is what matters.

Even if I do end up getting an ordinary job and not making my hobby a career, I would not be disappointed.

I am ready to live a life of rationality and pragmatism but I will never accept monotony.

More Incorrect quotes (TSH edition)

Charles: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand.

Bunny: I photosynthesize with this.

Bunny: Hey do you wanna hang out this weekend?

Henry: Generic excuse.

Bunny: I can’t believe you said that out loud, to my face.

Henry: I can.

Richard: Hey, Francis, where are you going?

Francis: Well, it depends. When I die, probably hell.

Francis: But right now I’m going to Starbucks.

Charles, teaching Camilla to drive: Okay, you're driving, Bunny and Henry walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Camilla: Oh, definitely Bunny. I could never hurt Henry .

Charles, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

Henry: Richard, you'll be working with Francis and Camilla.

Richard: Alright! My fantasy threesome!

Everyone else: *blank stares*

Richard: ...Of people on a team.

The setting of TSH confused me at first. I thought it was taking place in the 50s as Richard's language sounded very pretentious. Then there's no mention of any pop culture making it hard to pin point which decade it takes place in. Then slowly we start to see that it's not that old with more mentions of new things. Despite that I wasn't sure when it was happening until I found out that Henry didn't knew that moon landing actully happened so it was probably in the 70's or 80's.

I wish Henry had lived long enough to find out there's 8 planets not 9. He reminds me a bit of Sherlock and how neither of them concerned themselves with whatever was happening in the world and cared about only what they thought was important.

Dazai X Would've could've, should've (Taylor Swift)

If you would've blinked then I would've

Looked away at the first glance.

If you tasted poison, you could've

Spit me out at the first chance

If I was some paint, did it splatter

On a promising grown man?

And if I was a child, did it matter

If you got to wash your hands?

And if you never saved me from boredom

I could've gone on as I was

But, Lord, you made me feel important

And then you tried to erase us

And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be

The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?

Years of tearing down our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me back my childhood (girlhood), it was mine first

I regret you all the time

I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

(ps: NO I am NOT implying any sexual abuse done by Mori to Dazai or anyone else. This is purely about the emotional and mental abuse Dazai went through as a child by being in the Port Mafia under Mori's mentorship. It is clear, him being in the Mafia really messed up his already mentally ill brain. Mori as a doctor should be held responsible for what happened to Dazai and so many other Port Mafia kids, regardless if they worked consensually or not, kids should be protected in all situations from both physical and mental turmoil.

Ofc the original intention of the song by Taylor and what it meant for her and the things she went through is very different, but as a song itself we can interpret certain parts of it in different ways. I do not think the two situations are any similar but it is only an artistic way of looking at these lyrics to convey a difficult subject matter)

Death Note spoilers ahead:

I personally think it would have been harder for the police and L to catch up with Light if:

1. He hadn't been obsessed with the idea of being the "god" of the "new world" (aka being power hungry)

2. He didn't wish to be recognised, instead laying as low as possible (he was really excited to be KIRA, when it only made him be more in the police's radar)

3. He didn't kill extreme amount of criminals on the go. Instead focused to make sure there was no pattern (such as time, dates, kills, types of criminals)

4. Used other methods than heart attack, more accidental or predictable deaths would have made it quite hard to track back.

5. Hadn't accepted an open challenge of L by killing Lind. L. Taylor which confirmed a lot of stuff for L.

6. STOP DOING HIS EVIL LAUGHS AND MONOLOGUES IN HIS FREAKING HOUSE. (though his sister and mother probably thought he was going through an emo phase. I can imagine Sayu saying "Mom, Light is talking about being the god of the world again. He also has some imaginary friend called Ryuk" "Just, ignore it honey")

While I know Light wanted to be known and be treated as some vigilante god, on the long run being a hidden and mysterious force like L would have helped him achieve his goal. Also knowing L's IQ, he would still have found Light.

My new headcanon is that neither Atsushi nor Akutagawa know how babies are made.

Yosano: and they were totally doing it!

Atsushi: doing what?

Yosano: the deed!

Akutagawa: murder?

Ranpo: they don't know

Yosano: you two want some sex ed classes?

Atsushi: excuse me? That sounds like a bad word!

Akutagawa: I am not coming to whatever that is, we are not children

Dazai, with shining eyes: you see when two people really loovvee---

Yosano and Ranpo: *restraining Dazai*

Slytherin and Ravenclaw on a date:

*Gryffindor spying on them with Hufflepuff*

Hufflepuff: this is so creepy, why are we here?

Gryffindor: why did you come then?

Hufflepuff: you told me we are getting ice cream and feed ducks in the pond!

Slytherin: they are spying on us aren't they?

Ravenclaw: ofc, hiding behind the lamp post won't help Gryffindor

Slytherin: do you know how we can scare them?

Ravenclaw: *nods* I am ready

*both pull out knives at the same time*

Ravenclaw: honey, are you ready for our next murder spree?

Slytherin: You bet I am. I heard someone following us.

Ravenclaw: the last victims are not even found yet....

Gryffindor looks at Hufflepuff: this is the moment.

Hufflepuff: what? I can't hear anything and why are they pulling out knives are they going to......

Gryffindor: RUN!!!!!!RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!

Hufflepuff: Ahhhhhh....all I wanted was to eat free ice cream!

Slytherin: they are not coming back

Ravenclaw: No.

Slytherin: why do you have a knife anyways? As a surgeon I have knives all over me.

Ravenclaw raises eyebrow: you never know when they come in handy...let's go I want cotton candy......NOW

Slytherin: *nervous laughter* you are so cute.

Atsushi, confused after a mission: what exactly is the relationship between Dazai-san and Chuuya-san?

Fukuzawa: they are enemies

Kunikida: more like ex-coworkers

Yosano: definitely, enemies with benefits

Kyouka: best friends!

Kenji: they help each other out in times of great trouble like good neighbors :)

Junichiro: Aren't they rivals?

Naomi: I thought they were Ex-boyfriends!

Haruno: I heard they got divorced

Atsushi, even more confused: they were married????

*Everyone looks at Ranpo*

Ranpo, takes his Lollipop out: Gay.