The More I Learn About Oscar Wilde, The More I Feel Like We Would Have Been Besties.

I want some chaos, SO hear me out----

I want Akutagawa and Lucy to kiss for some reason (accidentally or intentionally) so that Atsushi will have the "My girl crush and guy crush are kissing each other and it's both terrible and hot at the same time"

Crippling loneliness in the age of the internet:

"Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?"

~Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (1999)

Let me set the scene:

In a dark room, the only light is coming from the phone of a girl laying on the bed, as she mindlessly scrolls for hours on end. She is typing fast, she is running multiple apps in the background, she is listening to the latest hits while doing all of this, her earphones never leave her ears; even when she closes her eyes, she is still listening to a podcast. Despite all these activities happening around her. The girl looks bored and apathetic, her eyes are blank, no emotions, no thoughts. And for hours to come she stays in that state, waiting for something to happen, even if it doesn't, she doesn't care.

This could be the opening lines of a sci-fi novel but this is actually how I act when I am alone. This is how my life has become. And while people like to blame this on the internet that has made Gen Z mindless zombies; I think the only reason I haven't died is because of the internet. To normal people it's a curse that makes humanity fall to its lowest. To me it gave a purpose, a want and a direction to live for.

The Internet isn't the evil mastermind to me, it's a necessity that has kept me alive and not succumbing to the fact I have no one to talk with.

Internet to me isn't Instagram, Snapchat, Discord,Twi--X (someone stop Elon Musk from cooking), it's the "quirky" apps like Pinterest, Tumblr and Reddit as well as the depths of content that is YouTube. It's the places where I found "my" people who understood me, who accepted me, who appreciated me. Growing up I had no one to talk with, even my own family wasn't understanding, let alone my friends.

During my school life I had always been surrounded by friends or as I like to put it, people I can talk to and have lunch with during school hours. That's what it was, nothing more than that. My idea of friends was just different from others, I didn't want emotional connection or people to hang out with. I wanted friends who would listen to my ramblings and be able to debate and discuss things with.

I don't want to seem pretentious or snobbish and definitely not above others in any way. But....when I am surrounded by so many frustratingly stupid people, I don't have any other words to describe them than "not good enough for me". They may be wonderful people, who are warm and lively. I do not care about being around such people. I am someone that watches video essays on morality, ethics, philosophy and analysis of movies and TV, in comparison to the people I know I am just more perceptive and thoughtful and that alone makes me seem like a stranger to them (INTPs are weird in short form). My dad told me smart people have it hard to make friends because of this exact nature, I wouldn't call myself incredibly intelligent but I know I am far more capable in thinking than my classmates who watch reality TV shows and Tiktok dances. Sometimes I cannot even comprehend how people can even get satisfaction and happiness from something as simple as that and that's when I understand: it's okay to be different than that and it's okay that they are "normal".

I feel like I am Lain from "Serial Experiments Lain", as if my existence is given meaning by the internet and I was born from it. My lack of social interactions in person can be explained by that, but it's the thought of talking with other people that often scares me. I am used to being silent, so much so that even on the internet, I remain quiet, not interacting with people who might understand me. Being afraid of not being understood has stopped me from even trying to make connections when there's people ready to do that.

I don't even reply to comments on my posts, unless I have to and I don't talk with anyone on the internet itself. I just watch and be happy at other people's interactions and feel a sense of belonging.

For some days I decided to stop doing that, to stop the vow of silence. To let people approach me and approach others myself. I want to be friends and it's the only thing that I have ever considered as something I couldn't achieve.

Loneliness isn't as pretty as the movies and books tell you. It's more of a psychological thriller than a show like Euphoria and Skins where these stylised depictions make my depression and loneliness appear cool. It's cool to be alone, to have my own space and not cross boundaries but it's not cool to let the loneliness that shields me, devour me.

*after dinner*

Atsushi, confused: what are you doing Ryuu?

Akutagawa: planting the tails of shrimps to grow them into new ones

Atsushi: h-how is that possible?

Akutagawa: Dazai-san taught me this, it is going to work, you will see.

Atsushi: you can't believe him he was ly---

Chuuya, shuts Atsushi's mouth: don't say things that will discourage a child and stop their imagination

Atsushi: but he is just wasting his time!

Chuuya, shaking his head: let him experiment and find the truth out himself, it's a learning experience for him.

Atsushi: w-where are you going now?

Chuuya: to beat the shit out of Dazai

Atsushi: understandable.

The fact Chuuya calls Akutagawa "my boy Akutagawa" is not only sweet on his part but also SALTY towards Dazai?

Like Chuuya saw this kid getting treated like that by Dazai and decided "no no no, HE'S MINE"

The background friendship of Akutagawa and Chuuya will always be heartwarming to me. And this is completely in character for Chuuya, he has shown affection to Kenji, Elise and Q (in the manga, anthology, official arts, etc.)

Sure Atsushi can be Dazai's favourite, but Akutagawa is Chuuya's, always.

There's a huge difference between living and existing. If all you do is exist, when would you live?

~my biology teacher

*Someone on reddit*: Skk is toxic and I don't understand why people ship them. IT'S OVERRATED and doesn't make sense

*Me*: here we go again 🍷 I was waiting for this post all week

Dear people, let's enjoy FICTIONAL things without criticising others for enjoying things you don't like or understand, it is NOT that serious 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Seriously, talk about things that you DO enjoy, that's more important. We do not want to constantly hear people bitch about things we like again and again with the same fucking arguments.

I have a feeling people won't shit about Skk so much if they weren't two guys----just sayin' 🤷🏻‍♀️ (infact Asagiri would have made it canon himself, like he was planning to with sskk)

Can we just stop hating on things? I am tired of the same discussions.

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one*

Bunny: I will not let you down.

Richard: Sounds fun.

Camilla: K.

Francis: No, I'm fucking not.

Charles: Do I have to be?

Henry: Please god, I am so tired.

ENTP: you know I am getting bored, wanna rob banks or something?

INFJ: that is your first response to getting bored?

ESTP: it's not like we haven't done it before.

INFP: you have robbed banks before?

ESTJ: I stopped them before they could. Don't know what they will do if I am not there.

INTP: *whispers* have some real fun for ounce

ENTP: INTJ what do you think about robbing a bank?

ISFJ: obviously, he doesn't think it's a good thing!

INTJ: not really, in this money hungry capitalistic world, robbing a bank doesn't feel like a bad idea. Maybe we can start a revolt.

ESTP, ENTP: yeah rebellion!

INTP: I don't know. I am bored too but a rebellion will be too much work and people

INFP: I don't think......you know what fuck yeah!

ISFJ: you kids are really childish

ESTJ: that's why I am their babysitter.

Forget Romeo and Juliet when we have Oliver and James.

(Seriously, why any ship I like sinks?)

Julian: I don't understand young people nowadays, all they ever do is drugs!!! Disgusting.

Richard: *after taking Coke, LSD, random pills, probably meth, and other drugs* I know right! Tell me about it!