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Hanako as a representation of abuse
This is an extensive post of how abuse afflicted Yugi Amane and even Hanako's behavior well into afterlife. Of course, emotional abuse is directly related to physical abuse, so I'll be talking about them together for the most part.
1. Behavioural Signs in Yugi Amane
We don't know why or who is behind this, and I won't particularly talk about it since it's not the focus anyway. We know his abuse started somewhere during his first year and was repeated until his suicide, july of his 2nd year. According to Tsuchigomori, he was badly injured every single day, so that's at least around a year worth of constant physical abuse.
However, it's important to note that it's very likely that before the physical abuse, emotional abuse was already consistently taking place, with multiple signs- He's isolated, experiences social withdrawal and has no friends, skips classes & school activities and has poor academic performance that contrasts his actual capabilities.
His emotional development is poor; He has difficulties expressing and understanding his own feelings, very likely a factor in the degradation of his and Tsukasa's relationship where Tsukasa can't understand Amane and Amane can't understand Tsukasa either due to lack of proper communication, and something that carries well over into the afterlife as Hanako.
The physical abuse worsened his already messed up mental state, and everything ultimately drove him into depression. He engages in behavior that puts his own safety in jeopardy (Like when he was way too close to falling over the window, both of his feet were at the very edge of the window frame), and while his love towards space stayed the same, he was overtaken by feelings of helplessness.
Even a rock could travel from the Moon to Earth, which gave him hope. It's important to highlight the word "even". He claims that if 'even' a rock can go this far, so can he, suggesting very low self-esteem. It's an object that carried him through many hardships because of this hope, but everything got so bad said hope just made him feel worse. At some point he started experiencing active suicidal ideation, marked by him giving away his treasured possession to Tsuchigomori in order to rid himself of this "hope", and declaring that he decided he wouldn't "go anywhere", a clear metaphor for deciding he would give up on his future and take his own life. He decided he cannot go anywhere near farther than a rock.
2. Behavioural signs in Hanako
As we mostly see his ghost self, we have a clearer vision of Hanako than we have of Amane. We can easily see his horribly low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. When we catch a glimpse of his perspective, we see how distorted his sense of self is.
He repeatedly claims that he isn't worth anything and that his existence itself is a punishment, and so refuses to disappear, considering that it would only be a release from the torment he deserves.
He hates himself down to his core, although this is a combined result of both depression via his experienced abuse and his PTSD of the murder-suicide. As Amane, he was capable of saying that it's fine if he's tormented this terribly, that even if there's no reason for it, he forgives it, massively contrasting Hanako who is incapable of forgiving himself, claiming that even if he had a super special reason for Tsukasa's murder, there's not a single justification that would warrant forgiveness. He's capable of forgiving anything that anyone does to him no matter how horrible, but not of forgiving himself.
As such, verbal abuse directed at him is taken positively by him, such as when Akane states that "reformed villains", refering to Hanako, make him sick, continuing to talk about how he can never take back what he did, essentially degrading him. He was given very harsh words that visibly hurt him, even implying that it triggered his PTSD for a moment, yet he could only claim that Akane is the type of person he likes most, as he was essentially validating and feeding into Hanako's already deeply negative view of himself.
This is also supported by his time in the Picture Perfect arc via his belief that he's undeserving of anything better for himself. Hanako said it himself in 71 that he wished he could've lived a normal life with Nene and Kou, and the Picture World reflected exactly that.
It's a world that was shaped exactly like he wanted, and that's exactly why he hated it. He knew what his reality was, and furthermore, he knows of his crimes and how he was the one who destroyed his own future, and so thinks he's undeserving of it.
He refuses to look at the stars for too long, because that reminds him of the hopes and dreams he gave up on in reality- He has no right to dare pick them up again, further highlighted by him refusing to go on the moon in the End of a Dream. His wish wasn't granted while alive, and now can't be granted after death.
In his helplessness, he is unable to reach for better circumstances for himself. After all, he's quick to adapt to whatever bad thing comes his way. "It's just how the world works", and he has to accept it.
However, we know how that doesn't apply to the people he cares about. He may have given up on everything, but he is unable to give up on the people he loves. No matter how much he suffers, no matter what he has to do, he wants the people he loves to find happiness.
No matter how much he tried to tell himself he isn't supposed to care, he desperately wants them to live the fulfilling lives he didn't have. And if he is the one that gives them the salvation they need, he finds the indulgence to want a small part of him to live through them, the indulgence to hate himself just a little bit less.
He actively attempts to hide his past from other people, being content with them only knowing basic information about it (that he's a murderer), mainly because he doesn't want to appear vulnerable or know how much of a horrible person (according to himself) he actually is.
When it comes to people he has a good relationship with like Nene, he's actually afraid of them finding out, and even months after promising he would tell Nene everything, he's still reluctant to do so due to overall difficulty with opening up- exposure to characters or topics that relate to his past more often than not results in reactions varying from heavy emotional distress, expressing aggression, anger, guilt and/or shame, to reliving traumatic events. Avoidance seems to be his main method of coping.
Hanako suffers from emotional dysregulation. He not only has high difficulties processing and expressing his feelings, but has difficulty picking up on others' emotions as well. For half a century he had been socially and emotionally neglected while also being incapable of ever maturing past the age of 13, much less healing from his past experiences. They rather worsened due to a supernatural lifestyle. When he first met Nene, he wasn't behaving appropriately at all due to this and their relationship went through many difficulties due to his lack of boundaries and poor emotional intelligence, and him communicating his true feelings is always a rare occasion.
Not only did he not take into account other people's feelings ("Yashiro will hate it, but it's ok, she'll move on someday and live her life", not taking into account and understanding others being possibly spiteful over his actions and direct their hate towards innocent parties), he doesn't even take into account his own ("Why? Good question. Why am I doing it?" and "Even though I was prepared to never see you again, I'm so happy to have you back. Weird, right? There must be something wrong with me"). However, due to Nene's influence, he seems to be a little more upfront with his feelings lately.
He's also incredibly self-reliant. Both events of Picture Perfect and the Severance were a result of Hanako doing everything by himself without consulting anyone. He decided by himself that he's the only one that should dirty his hands as he was already a sinner, that it's easier to dump everything on the one that's already guilty of similar crimes, because he didn't have any other solution in sight. It's important to note that he took the *entire* blame for the Severance- Even if all he did was feign ignorance to no. 6's actions.
Him being grounded in the miserable reality he finds himself in is both a strength (as he is quick to adapt to his conditions) and a major weakness- He'll only be able to see the most practical, yet unfortunate approaches.
In the Clock Keepers arc, he wanted to trust Kou when he said he would save Nene, but his attempt quickly turned to failure when he was not seeing any tries, let alone results. He was even upset at Kou when he considered that if he wanted the job done he should have just done it himself, knowing that his methods aren't ones someone would approve of. Methods that he doesn't approve of himself, but carried them out anyway in his despair.
In fact, Hanako did not break free from the shackles of abuse. He is a child that has been placed in a position of leadership filled with various responsibilities for fifty years. He is committed to his duties as a mystery after being promised salvation by 'God', believing that his sins would be forgiven, but he's essentially just being used.
He is, in present time, still repeatedly emotionally abused, manipulated and exploited to fulfill others' agenda. After all, control is at the heart of abuse, and his vulnerabilities will continue to just get taken advantage of as long as he's only capable of masking and avoiding them. However, Nene's influence upon him seems to make him capable of slightly improving himself, even if it's just very small steps at a time.
There is a cyclic tragedy inherent to Mori's character wherein he's actually a deeply lonely man, but it's mostly because his resolve to do morally reprehensible things and think of people as pieces on the game board is something he prioritizes over his relations with those very same people, and this inevitably pushes them away (for very understandable reasons). And it kind of sucks honestly because the most frustrating thing about Mori is that he 100% has the potential to be a fantastic teacher and mentor, and more than that, I think he loves it! Just look at Beast! But for as long as he decides he needs to be the one to make "the hard calls" to "preserve peace", then Mori will inevitably continue in this cycle of alienating all the people he has a fondness for.
I do feel as though Mori's loneliness is something he views as a necessary sacrifice that he is making for the greater good (and if he is so willing to sacrifice, then Dazai's unwillingness to do the same comes out of left field because - "what do you mean? you're supposed to be just like me!").
Anyways.
Mori voice: "I'm so alone"
Also Mori: *continues to prioritize pure logic over the emotions of his people and himself*
The people: *get rightly angry and/or become extremely traumatized and leave him*
Mori voice: "I did what needed to be done"
Mori: "..."
Mori: "..."
Mori: "I'm so alone"
Sir. You are doing this to yourself.
stormbringers fucking insane for using rimlaine as a contrast to skk. these two couldnt trust each other fully and rimbaud only believed he could help verlaine feel human, not truly be so, and still considered him Other, however much he believed them to be equals, verlaines humanity only existed in rimbauds eyes because he gave it to him. verlaines inability to accept his own humanity or even really that rimbauds feelings for him were genuine because he, alone, singular, monstrously set apart from humanity, should be incapable of receiving anything resembling affection or genuine understanding, such that it left him betraying his partner. and then they cannot exist as two beings working seamlessly together. rimbaud and verlaine in fact cannot exist as two beings at all, only as one conjoined entity. verlaine kept alive with rimbauds skill, and rimbaud, long dead and refusing that reality until he can find his partner, existing only as an extension of verlaine. while skk who do trust each other blindly, who do see humanity in each other enough to look past when they doubt it in themselves, who see humanity not as a defined be or be not, but as a set of values, as a do or do not. they are able to exist as one act in two parts. interdependent, always, even down to their skills, but still functioning as one unit in two separate cogs made to fit together.
“Does Chuuya believe that Dazai is human?”
someone on twitter proposed this question, specifically referencing this scene*:
this scene is so interesting because Dazai is pretending he doesn’t care about what Shibusawa is doing. he’s pretending he does care about reaching executive. he’s pretending he doesn’t have a plan.
everything he does in this scene is intentional, to set Chuuya on track for his plan to take down Shibusawa… which includes riling him up.
yes, Chuuya believes Dazai is human— that’s precisely why it’s such a sensitive subject for Chuuya. he projects onto Dazai what he’s scared of becoming because Dazai is a mirror for Chuuya. when Chuuya looks at Dazai, he sees parts of himself that he tries to ignore staring back at him. (the same is true for Dazai— Chuuya is his mirror)
so Dazai sees this topic as an easy way to get Chuuya mad— to storm off & leave him alone for a few days so that Dazai can go get himself captured (so that Chuuya will have to come save him, putting him in the perfect position to use Corruption & end the conflict once and for all).
but when Chuuya realizes Dazai’s plan (like he always does), he sees through Dazai’s front. honestly part of the reason he’s always so annoyed when he gets to Dazai is probably in part because Dazai keeps pretending to be heartless when he’s really not. Chuuya doesn’t understand why Dazai lets people think he’s “bad” when, in reality, he’s doing something good.
so actually, Chuuya is one of the few people who sees and knows that Dazai isn’t heartless.
he does care.
he is human.
Chuuya’s own projection just gets in the way of him remembering that most of the time (which is totally understandable considering his backstory & the fact that he’s only a kid).
*just for reference, the official translation’s version of those panels reads:
“Well, that was mean of you. I’m human too, you know?”
“Like anyone believes that. Just be glad I didn’t kill you.”
Chuya's Tainted Sorrow
Here comes a meta on my favourite bsd character:
Chuya is mostly explored in the two BSD novels Fifteen and Storm Bringer, so this post covers what happens in these books. In particular, I am going to use Chuya's song, gift and literary references to explore his story.
DARKNESS MY SORROW
Darkness My Sorrow is Chuya's character song and its title combines two different literary references:
Darkness comes from the Sheep Song, which is used to trigger Corruption:
O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again!
Sorrow comes from Upon The Tainted Sorrow, which gives its name to Chuya's ability
Let's discover what these two poems represent.
CHUYA'S DARK DISGRACE (THE SHEEP)
O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave this body of mine! I want nothing anymore but simplicity, quiet, murmurs and order. O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless. O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself, O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave, leave this body of mine! I enjoy nothing anymore but my wretched dreams. (The Sheep Song, Part II)
The Sheep is Chuya's first group, which welcomes him in as a child. Why is the organization called after this animal? There are several reasons, which tie with Chuya's relationship with his friends.
1 - Chuya is a herding dog
The Sheep's members are normal kids, but Chuya guards their territory and punishes trespassers violently. This is the behaviour of herding dogs, which are famous for their aggressiveness towards outsiders.
"Everyone's waiting for you to give this enemy a beatdown! That's the only way we Sheep can protect our turf! We've only made it this far because everyone knows they can't mess with us!" (Shirase in Fifteen)
2 - Chuya is a sheep among wolves
"Chuuya's got all that berserk firepower, but here he's like sheep getting stared down by a wolf." (Dazai in Fifteen)
Chuya's relationship with the Sheep is exploitative and toxic. The other kids use Chuya's love and wish to belong to control him. All in all, Chuya is used as a pawn for the organization's well being:
"We Sheep took you in when you had no family and nowhere to go, but you already gave us more than enough in return. That's why... it's time to rest... after dying and contributing to the Sheep one last time." (Shirase in Fifteen)
3 - Chuya is the King of the Sheep
Luois I, King of the Sheep is a children book about a sheep, who finds a crown. He puts it on and becomes King. The point of the story is that Luois I is like other sheep, but chance and a superficial attribute turn him into a royal.
Chuya sees himself in the same way:
"I'm not a King," the boy, Chuuya Nakahara, spat. "I just happen to have something no one else does: power. I'm simply fulfilling the responsibility I have." (Fifteen)
Chuya's "crown" is his gravity manipulation gift that sets him apart from others. He even calls it a "good card", so something luck gives him.
Luois I lets the crown get to his head and believes he is above others. Chuya instead really wants to be part of the flock:
Chuuya wasn't anyone special; he didn't have a skill, either. He was just a regular member of the group. He wasn't the king, he had no powers, he wasn't the center of attention - he was simply a single Sheep among the flock, chatting with his friends. (Chuya's wish in Storm Bringer)
However, his ability is so powerful that it is the Sheep kids, who forget Chuya is a teenage boy just like them:
"Chuuya's covered in wounds. I've never seen him like that. He looks just like a regular guy my age. Wait, no - he doesn't just look like one. He is my age. He's a boy just like me." (Shirase in Storm Bringer)
In short, Chuya doesn't want to be the Sheep King, but he is forced into the role by the crown of power:
"Shut up! If you think you can become king, then do it! You can have this power!" Chuuya howled, unable to take it any longer. "To hell with power! If I didn't have this skill, I'd still be with you guys...!" (Storm Bringer)
Still, gifts are metaphors of the characters' interiority. So, what does Chuya's abnormous skill symbolize? What is the real flaw that defines Chuya's relationships and gets in their way?
"Once there was this boy who could amplify the skill of anyone he touched. Super convenient. So what do you think would happen if he used it on himself instead of someone else? (...) He amplified the skill to amplify the other skill, which amplified the skill to amplify skills that amplify skills. This self-referencing continued nonstop as he endlessly amplified his own skill." (N in Storm Bringer)
Storm Bringer reveals that the origin of Chuya's gravity manipulation is the gift to make other skills more powerful. The user applies his gift on himself and makes it stronger and stronger until infinite energy is created and space warps. So, Chuya's singularity is born: a gift able to control gravity. In other words:
The original ability is to make others stronger
If the ability is used on one-self (so that the wielder can become more powerful and make others even more powerful), then a contradiction arises and a monstruous skill appears
This process is a representation of Chuya's tendency to grow stronger for others' sake. He hones his fighting skills to protect the Sheep (to make them stronger), but this turns them too dependent on him (an organizational vulnerability). What a good leader should do is instead to nurture his people, so that they can be independent and strong:
“A leader is both the head of the organization and the organization’s slave. For the survival and the profit of the organization, they gladly put themselves through any manner of filth. They develop their subordinates and place them where they best fit. And, if necessary, they use and dispose of them. For the sake of the organization, they take on any act of barbarism with glee. That is a leader. All for the organization, and for the protection of this beloved city.” (Mori in Fifteen)
This is Chuya's mistake and the reason why the Sheep disbands. Chuya falls short as a leader not because he isn't as smart as Dazai or Mori (if anything, I think he is going to be a better leader than both). Rather, he fails because he doesn't know how to depend on others:
"It's because you are our friend. Were things different with the Sheep?" They had been. That was what Chuuya's flustered expression was saying. Everyone in the Sheep depended on him. The contrary was unthinkable. (Storm Bringer)
He insists on doing everything by himself, but a leader should work with his subordinates. This is what Chuya lacks in Fifteen and what he sails up to learn.
Still, to succeed Chuya needs to face the origin of this flaw, which lies in how he perceives himself:
O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself
Chuya sees himself as inferior to others. This complex makes him willing to be used, if it means he belongs somewhere:
LONELY DARKNESS MY SORROW, once it is opened by the key I'd rather just fall than go back to being alone Staring at the destroyed cage of this self, (GRAVITY) Slowly, I sing, "Not bad at all."
This is the key stanza of Chuya's song, which reveals what Chuya's darkness really is. Loneliness. Chuya is scared of being alone, so he does his best to conform to others' wishes. For example, he dresses like those around him not to stick out.
Chuuya, age fifteen - He wears sportsy clothes, with several sheep symbols:
Chuuya, age sixteen - He wears a formal attire with much black in it. Perfect mafia-style:
However, he can't escape his interior pain, which metaphorically manifests in Corruption:
O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless.
It is not by chance that the verses, which open Chuya's gate affirm the poet's solitude. That is because deep down Corruption is just this. Chuya's isolation.
THE TAINTED SORROW (ARAHABAKI)
Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, the snowflakes fall so harsh. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, even the strong wind gusts. The Tainted Sorrow is Just like a fox’s hooded fur. The Tainted Sorrow is Covered by snowflakes and it cowers. The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets... (Upon The Tainted Sorrow)
Corruption is a state where Chuya gives up his body to Arahabaki. What is this entity? In universe, it is a singularity, a self-contradicting skill able to create infinite power. It metaphorically represents two things:
Everyone's objectification of Chuya
A part of Chuya himself
1 - Chuya's life is defined by others reducing him to a skill
-N and the Government kidnap, abuse and clone Chuya because of his self-contradicting gift. It is not the two kids (the original and the clone) they are interested in. Rather, they reduce them to their special abilities:
"Just like how we respect your will, we respect the will of your skill Arahabaki, as well. But... how should I put this? Your will is tying Arahabaki down, and as long as your will is firm, we won't be able to remove Arahabaki from you." (N in Storm Bringer)
N says it oudloud. He respects Arahabaki's will more than Chuya's. Except that Arahabaki has no will:
"Sigh... Why do you wanna see it so bad?" Chuuya said. "It doesn't have a personality or a mind of its own, so what's meeting' it gonna do for you? You gonna pray to it because it's a god? It's a god of destruction, y'know. Nothing more than a mass of energy. It's no different from a typhoon or an earthquake. Ya might as well pray to a power plant." (Fifteen)
Arahabaki is not a person, but the embodyment of Chuya's gift. And yet, it is given a name and treated as more important than the kid.
-Rimbaud literally wants to turn Chuya into a skill:
"Allow me to reintroduce myself. Rimbaud. Arthur Rimbaud. My skill is called Illuminations. Chuuya, my goal is to kill you and absorb you into my skill" (Rimbaud in Fifteen)
He doesn't want to kill Dazai because he hates murdering children. And yet, Chuya is Dazai's same age. However, Rimbaud sees him as nothing, but Arahabaki's host.
-Verlaine wants Chuya to be his clone:
"I dunno about you, but I'm human." "You aren't human. You're 2,383 lines of code." (Chuya and Verlaine in Storm Bringer)
He denies Chuya's humanity and insists he is an artificial creation. Chuya can't be the original kidnapped child, but needs to share Verlaine's origins and hate for the world. Verlaine doesn't consider his brother a person, but an extension of himself.
2- Arahabaki is Chuuya's inner beast
In psychology, the beast is a personification of one's deepest and most repressed feelings. What are Chuya's?
His control on gravity suggests two strong emotions:
a) A lack of freedom - The ability to control gravity should make one freer. And yet, Chuya is always chained:
Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison
He spends his childhood imprisoned in a lab. He is used as an attack dog by the Sheep. He is threatened to join the mafia with his friends' lives and Rimbaud's secret files. In a sense, he always serves someone. That is why Arahabaki is a servant deity.
b) A huge existential weight - He can make things lighter, but he still shoulders too much:
"Tell me, tin man," Chuuya suddenly stated, his voice devoid of all emotion. "Why did they die?" "Because of you, Chuuya." Silence. "Yeah, it is my fault." (Chuuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)
For example, Chuya blames himself for what happens with the Sheep, the Flags and later on Adam:
"What's wrong, Chuuya? Everyone's going to die at this rate. You're going to kill them. Your shortcomings are going to kill them." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)
Chuya fears whoever gets close to him dies. That is why Arahabaki is a god of destruction.
Points 1 and 2 explain Chuya's loneliness. On the one hand others only see his skill (objectification). On the other hand Chuya doesn't see himself (struggle with the beast).
Arahabaki is a god whose origins are uncertain, so nobody understands it. Not even Chuya:
'In languor dreams of death' … who was the one that said it?
In the song, Chuya wonders who is the author of his own poem. This shows how disconnected he is from himself. He wears a mask of violence and bravado to hide his vulnerability. Still, this fragility emerges every time he lets Arahabaki out. Here comes the interpretative key of Chuya's character...
Arahabaki is nothing, but the Tainted Sorrow of the poem:
Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, the snowflakes fall so harsh. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, even the strong wind gusts. The Tainted Sorrow is Just like a fox’s hooded fur. The Tainted Sorrow is Covered by snowflakes and it cowers.
The tainted sorrow is a fox covered in snow, while the wind howls:
Black snow began fluttering around Chuuya. Red scar-like runes crawled across his skin. He ignored the law of physics, hovering in the sky, as he glared down at the beast on the surface. Intense heat caused by the gamma radiation filled the air. The night was scorched, and the scenery warped. (Storm Bringer)
Arahabaki-Chuya is described as a tailed-beast and the anime shows he is similar to a fox. Moreover, he is covered in black snow, while his gravity powers manifest a strong wind.
The rest of the verses convey Chuya's feelings:
The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets...
Interestingly, the fox and the setting sun come up in Storm Bringer:
The video showed a golden coin. One side was engraved with a fox, the other with the moon. It was beautiful yet somewhat melancholy. (Storm Bringer)
The young Chuya repeats Upon the Tainted Sorrow while playing with a coin that has a fox and a moon on its sides.
The literary metaphor becomes clear. The Sheep Song is the key to open the Tainted Sorrow's gate. Chuya activates Corruption through verses, that state his loneliness. He says them, when he is ready to face the darkest part of himself.
WHAT IS CHUYA?
The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self.
The Tainted Sorrow dreams of death, which means Chuya is suicidal.
This is why he is both drawn and repulsed by Dazai:
"Your birth itself was a mistake. We're the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn't even real?" The voice was taunting him. "Shut up," Chuuya spat, but even he knew he was talking to himself. "Screw you, Dazai." "That's just proof that you at least somewhat believe what I'm saying. Because deep down inside, you're the same as me." (Storm Bringer)
Dazai is the Chuya, who regrets being born and wishes to die. Still, he is also the Chuya, who wants to live, despite it all:
Chuya quietly stared at Daai's expression as if he were searching for something human deep inside of him. "So you're saying... you want to live now?" "I wouldn't go that far," Dazai replied with a resigned smile. "Maybe I won't find anything, but I figure I'll give it a try." (Fifteen)
The Tainted Sorrow wishes nothing because it isn't a person. Chuya fears he has no will of his own because he isn't human:
Chuuya Nakahara didn't dream. For him, waking up was like a bubble emerging from within mud. (Storm Bringer)
This fear is why Chuya's friendship with Adam is so important.
Adam is a an artificial creation, like Chuya. He is even called after the Frankenstein monster. He is a robot programmed to destroy himself for the sake of his mission:
"This is the real reason why an android was sent, instead of a human detective. My core, which now contains state secrets, will be incinirated along with Verlaine." (Adam in Storm Bringer)
Adam is a person, like Chuya. He is even called after the first man. He is a friend, who chooses to sacrifice himself for a loved one:
"I get to protect you. I couldn't ask for more." (Adam in Storm Bringer)
Dazai and Adam are linked to life and humanity, which are the main themes of Chuya's arc in the novels.
They both get to keep on living together with Chuya:
Dazai curled into the fetal position and screamed, "Dying with Chuuya? Anything but thaaaat!!" (Storm Bringer)
"Would you like to hear an android joke, Master Chuuya?" (Adam revealed as alive at the end of Storm Bringer)
Fittingly, Storm Bringer ends with the three of them together and alive. Chuya loses several friends, but by the end he still has two bonds. Two people who survive their friendship with him.
Even more importantly, Dazai and Adam both care about Chuya's humanity:
"Chuuya's gonna kill N at this rate and lose his humanity, but I want to see him suffer as a human. That's why I have to stop him" (Dazai in Storm Bringer)
"Do you know whether Master Chuuya is human?" I was curiously hopeful that he would know the truth. (Adam in Storm Bringer)
Not only that, but they help Chuya finish his arc and find himself:
Then what is a soul? My friend's final words... What if those words were merely the words of a soulless command? So what? (Chuya in Storm Bringer)
Dazai gives Chuya a choice and Adam helps Chuya make it.
Dazai believes in Chuya's humanity more than anyone else:
"You sound like you're certain he's human." "I am." Dazai sighed, smiling. "There's no way I could hate a man-made character string this much." (Storm Bringer)
N, Shirase, Rimbaud and Verlaine all reduce Chuya to a skill. Dazai instead sees Chuya as his own person. Sure, he finds Chuya annoying, but he is the only one, who interacts with Chuya for who he is, rather than what he can do.
Adam realizes Chuya is human no matter his origins:
"Asleep or not, he is just an ordinary human," Chuuya replied indifferently. "his skill is strong, but that's it. He gets mad, he worries... That doesn't seem to be enough for him, though." "You are exactly right. It appears you have reached the conclusioin you needed to arrive at." (Chuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)
The Flags, Verlaine, Dazai and Chuya himself are focused on uncovering Chuya's birth. Is he the original kid or the clone? Discovering the truth is everyone's goal. Still, by the end Adam realizes Chuya's nature doesn't matter. He is Chuya either way. He is the person who teaches Adam about humanity. He is Adam's first friend.
Thanks to both Dazai and Adam, Chuya finally faces himself and activates Corruption. Not only that, but Chuya's final choice to let Arahabaki out is a perfect example of how he interprets freedom:
Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY)
Chuya is trapped in many ways and he knows it. He is given a gift he doesn't want and he is forced to join an organization he dislikes. And yet, he makes all these "imposed inconveniences" his. Chuya accepts the "card he is given" and uses it the best he can.
He combines his gift with martial arts, so that it really becomes his own ability:
He finds his own motivation to work for the mafia:
"I chose to join the Mafia on my own, and I'm never gonna be your lackey, much less your dog!" (Chuuya to Dazai in Fifteen)
He doesn't open the gate when N forces him, but he chooses to on his own terms.
It is really not by chance that in Chuya's first big fight in the manga, this happens:
Chuya claims there is no choice, but he is still the one who decides to activate Corruption. Even when trapped, Chuya always pushes forward and plays the hand he is dealt with passion. Even if he is unsure of who he is, he lives on as himself.
WHO IS CHUYA?
Chuuya took off one of his leather riding gloves and gazed at his hand. This is my hand, he thought. (Storm Bringer)
Chuya is a person. He has always been, no matter if he is the original or the clone. He feels pain, happiness, surprise. He is able to bond and to empathize with others. All of this makes him human. Not only that, but all of this makes him Chuya.
It is interesting that by the end, many people who objectify Chuya, recognize his personhood.
Shirase sees him as the teenage he is and saves him
Mori traps Chuya in the mafia, but is touched by Chuya's passion and loyalty:
Both Rimbaud and Verlaine eventually see who Chuya is:
"Chuuya, you already possess strength and talents all your own, separate from Arahabaki. You are strong not as a god but as a human being." (Rimbaud in Fifteen)
"Does that mean... you do not yet resent the world?" "There's people I hate, but not all of'em," replied Chuuya. "I know better than to try and live a solitary existence. You used to feel the same, right?" Verlaine didn't respond. It was as if his silence itself was his answer. (Storm Bringer)
And tell him to live on:
"Chuuya... can I... ask you... a favor?" "What is it?" "Live" Randou said in almost a whisper. (Fifteen)
"Chuuya-live." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)
Chuya manages to inspire all these people. At the same time, he is inspired back by them:
I was blessed with wonderful friends. That's all. I could have been in your situation, and you could have been in mine. (Chuya to Verlaine in Storm Bringer)
He integrates all his loved ones in who he is:
He (probably) imitates Hirotsu's habit to wear gloves and to take them away, when he is getting serious. This mannerism partially substitutes his practice to fight with the hands in the pockets
He is given his motorcycle by Albatross and keeps it as a memory of the Flags
He wears Verlaine's hat, which is really a gift from all three Chuya's key parental figures:
1- Rimbaud creates it for Verlaine
Once Verlaine puts on the hat, the fabric lining acts like coils, deflecting any external command sequences that could tamper with his mind. In other words, the wearer can control command sequences at will. With this hat, Verlaine is one step closer to becoming a human with free will. (Rimbaud in Storm Bringer)
2- Verlaine passes it down to Chuya
"You really like that hat, huh? That was his, right?" "Yeah, I'd rather not wear my brother's hand-me-downs, but it's got some pretty useful functions." (Shirase and Chuya in Storm Bringer)
3- Mori gives it to Chuya as a gift when he joins the mafia
"What's the hat for?" "It signifies your acceptance into the Mafia," Mori explained with a smile as he stood facing Chuuya. "Whoever recruits a new member into the organization usually looks after them as well. It's custom to gift the new recruit with something they can wear as a symbol of that bond." (Fifteen)
As a result, Chuya's hat is an object full of symbolism:
Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances.
It is both shadow (a shadow of a hat) and light (within the darkness, it dances). On the one hand it is the key to Corruption, so to chaos. On the other hand it gives Chuya the power to control this chaos to an extent.
It is both what grants Chuya's free will and what threatens his autonomy:
It describes Chuya's bond with Mori, which is contradictory. Mori blackmails Chuya to join the mafia and controls him. He also offers Chuya a family (heart) and an insight on leadership (mind).
It represents Chuya's bond with Rimbaud and Verlaine, who are Chuya's literary parents, as their real life counterparts inspired Chuya Nakahara's poetry. In general, Chuya's past lowkey alludes to the true poet's one, at least metaphorically.
Nakahara Chuya is born in a rather wealthy family and forced by his father to pursue medicine studies. However, he discovers poetry when he is 8 years old and his younger brother dies. Later on, he rebels against his father's education and is inspired by Rimbaud and Verlaine's works. He imitates both their poems and their dandy life-style.
Similarly, BSD Chuya finds himself trapped until he is symbolically awaken to literature (break out of the lab) by Rimbaud and Verlaine. Here, his poetry (Upon The Tainted Sorrow) is set free and Chuya is reborn:
Those newborn cries filled the outside world in the form of flames. The raging flames brought destruction to the surface for as far as the eye could see. And thus, " " was born. (Fifteen)
Interestingly, Chuya is 7 or 8, when Rimbaud and Verlaine arrive in his life. Moreover, his survival and freedom come at the cost of his other self (his clone/the original Chuya). Just like Nakahara Chuya's first poem is the result of his grief for his brother's death.
In other words, Chuya is Rimbaud and Verlaine's literary child. He is what their bond leaves behind. This is why initially they both strongly project on Chuya, but eventually let him go. Isn't it normal for a parent to see themselves in their child? And isn't it normal for the child to imitate the parents to an extent? And yet, the child is his own person. Just like this, Chuya is strongly defined by both Rimbaud and Verlaine, but he is growing into himself:
"It's okay. The Port Mafia is my family now" (Chuya in Storm Bringer)
So, who is Chuya? It's easy, really. He is a Port Mafia Executive (and probably the next Port Mafia boss). Right now, he needs to define his role within the organization and outside Mori. As a matter of fact, Mori is Chuya's third father, so to become an adult, Chuya needs to outgrow him. Just like he did with Rimbaud and Verlaine. Only then, he will truly choose who Chuya Nakahara is.
TLDR: I think they’re relationship is very interesting because of the fact of how morally gray the two of them are. I don’t support them being together in current phases but I believe they were together at some point in phases 1 and 2. Those guys have too many instances of blatant queercoded flirting where they could not not have feelings towards one another. I also believe the roles that were once present in their relationship (2-D has crush on Murdoc but Murdoc rejects him.) are now in the midst of being reversed, (Murdoc has a crush on 2-D but 2-D rejects him.) most likely as the result of the ending we got during the Lost Chord MV.
Oh definitely. Although, I’d like to say while I’m not the biggest 2doc fan, I definitely believe that they probably had a relationship at some point in the lore. A majority of their interactions within phase 1 to 2 just doesn’t make sense if they didn’t, but that’s entirely my opinion. However, I don’t like how some people within the Gorillaz fandom tend to paint their relationship as a completely black and white thing. Like I feel like many just say “the two of them of them are deeply in love and have always been together” or “the relationship is toxic and it’s gross” but like with how nuanced the lore has been up to this point, wouldn’t it make more sense if it was both? Like, relationships are much more complicated than just being in love or being toxic, and I feel like it’s been clearly shown how gray their relationship is.
Like, the two of them aren’t angels. (especially Murdoc)
Murdoc, even though he was a victim of both child and sexual abuse, he later became an abuser. Whether it be because of:
His alcoholism, which has been made clear he uses as a coping mechanism for his abuse.
A lack of treatment of his trauma, especially due to the generation his was born in, wherein it was expected for men not to share their feelings or trauma due to societal pressure, aka: toxic masculinity or his refusal to acknowledge said problems due to not wanting to revisit those memories.
He has learned to hate himself so much that he has become the thing he hated. In his own words from the Plastic Beach interview, “In order to fight monsters, you have to become a monster of some sort yourself. Take out all the soft, fluffy bits and become empty.”
His overall need to control every aspect of his life and those around him since he wasn’t able to stop the abuse as a child. (Ex: He pursued music because he wanted to make it the way he wanted to and not let his father control which road he went down. He considers himself the leader of Gorillaz so no one else can control what he does with them. Murdoc hyper-sexualizing himself in some instances might be the result of another coping mechanism. If he controls what he does with his body he doesn’t have to think about his trauma associated with sex, which is a rare but not uncommon trait amongst victims of sexual assault.)
It’s most likely a combination of some, if not all of the above.
2-D has his own fair share of problems as well.
He is a well-known drug addict with a liking to painkillers and references to him also doing cocaine. His addiction only amping up after meeting Murdoc, however it’s questionable as to whether or not this was because Murdoc helped enable his pre-existing addiction to painkillers or if this was a result of 2-D’s own codependency.
He’s both a victim and enabler as he consistently, from Phase 1 to 2 and some instances in 4, makes excuses for or straight up doesn’t acknowledge Murdoc’s abuse towards him and the other band members and allows it to continue for nearly 20 years.
While known to be quite humble and kind, he can be quite petty and can have quite the ego. (Ex: Literally look at his behavior in several interviews and how he treated the band during Phase 5. Also, in We Are The Dury, 2-D makes a joke about Murdoc as he recounts his time being imprisoned Mexico saying, “I don’t think I could eat another burrito in my life.” To which 2-D responds with “But you still like a bit of Mexican sausage, ay man?” and proceeds to laugh. This is most likely in reference to the MTV Mexican Jail ident where a prisoner is about to sexually assault Murdoc as the video cuts off. Murdoc, upset by 2-D’s remark, he tells him to shut up and calls him the f-slur.)
He has been shown to become physically abusive towards Murdoc, however this is only when pushed to his very limits. (Ex: During the infamous Plastic Beach Interview, he can be heard attacking Murdoc after he mentioned Paula Cracker before Murdoc managed to overpower and chloroform 2-D into submission.)
Now, of course. This doesn’t mean that one of them is entirely the villain and the other is a complete saint. That just isn’t the true nature of their relationship. The two of them are innately complex and thus their relationship is filled to the brim with ambiguity. They are neither good or bad people. They are simply characters with very human problems and emotions. The both of them are simply too fucked up with each other to continue a healthy dynamic.
Personally, I think they did love each other at some point, probably more around phase 1 or 2 but it certainly wasn’t overtly romantic or happy. The two of them were clearly codependent. Whether it’s 2-D who comes crawling back to Murdoc because he feels he could fix his problems if he stays with him or forgives him, believing he could change and they could be happy together only for that thought come crashing down once the El Mañana incident occurred. Or Murdoc, who not only continues this stringing 2-D along, especially with that fact that he not only needs him for the band to keep existing but also, in a more sad twist, he’s probably the only person that has outwardly shown any kind of genuine affection towards him. 2-D’s essentially his safety net, an excuse for him to continue being shitty because he keeps forgiving him. For the longest time, he didn’t want forgiveness for his actions, he just doesn’t want to believe that he’s a bad person. No one wants to believe they’re a bad person unless they’re put into a situation that makes them actively question their own actions. And for a long time Murdoc refused to do that. Possibly another reason as to why he showed so much vitriol towards 2-D is because of how lucky he felt he was.
I’m surprised this doesn’t get brought up more often when discussing their relationship. Like, 2-D literally lived the life that Murdoc never had. He’s part of a loving nuclear family that accepts him for who he is, he was popular in school, probably was never bullied, had good looks, and a job. His life was practically given to him on a silver platter while Murdoc got to live with the scraps. His whole life, Murdoc suffered to get where he is. Why did he get to live such a happy, carefree life but not him? He wanted to hate 2-D for all of those reasons, but couldn’t because he didn’t want to let go of the one person who cared about him. And now, due to his actions, has to face the consequences of 2-D leaving him behind.
That’s probably why we’re getting bits of his reputation arc now. He’s in the midst of addressing his problems. Not all of them, of course. He is one stubborn bastard after all. But I believe that after breaking out of prison in Phase 5, he realized how much 2-D and by extension, the band, really meant to him. While yes, he did go to prison and later lied when the attention was off him. In response, he started the Free Murdoc movement. It was only after seeing Noodle run to Patagonia, believing his lies and putting herself in danger because of his fib, he began to realize that he was in the wrong. Not just then but for everything. He said it himself at the end of the Free Murdoc chat;
“Cos in the end, the experience DID free me. Not from Wormwood Scrubs — but from that other far worse prison I was in… MYSELF. The worst prison a person can be in… I was in a prison of my own making, but thanks to you — I’ve busted out. This long, long journey has made me a better man.”
And with that he swore to change. We even see him realizing how much his actions had impact in Phase 6. Since making the Now Now, 2-D has finally learned to move on without him. Plastic Beach might have been the moment he realized how fucked up their relationship was but the Now Now was the moment he stood up against the abuse and won. Murdoc noticing this, did everything to get his attention at first. He made him tea and even went out with him but nothing worked. That’s why we see him crying in Desole, he knows that whatever relationship he and 2-D or the band before will never be the same. It’s only when he actively proved himself to the band and that he did care for them that 2-D reached out of the portal to rescue him in Lost Chord. I don’t think he forgave him for what he put him through or that they’re gonna start over again, but it’s a sign that the two of them are improving themselves and that’s good!
I do have to wonder with this current phase though if their roles are reversed because before, 2-D was the one that was openly showed love for Murdoc while he rejected 2-D’s advances at nearly every turn. But now I think that’s been switched. Now Murdoc, of all people, is chasing him while 2-D, someone who’s been idolizing Murdoc for years, doesn’t acknowledge him. I mean, look at their playlists on Spotify right now. In G-Mix 17, almost all of Murdoc’s songs have been about UNREQUITED LOVE (the strongest examples being R&B by English Teacher, Security by Amyl and the Sniffers, Hung Up by The Mysterines, and Landline by Binki) whereas 2-D’s have been about FALLING OUT OF IT. (Examples being YKWIM by Yot Club, Not Into You by Brooksie, and Anybody Else But U by poolsideconvo) It’s almost like they are finally beginning to meet in the middle and mend somewhat but Murdoc has (at least so far) been slowly beginning to accept that he actually likes him but knows that 2-D has already moved on?? I’m really excited to see how their relationship improves going forward as it’s been really interesting to see their development in the last two phases so far.
Sorry about the incredibly long rant, I just love it when there’s genuinely good subtext and complex nuance into characters’ psyches, especially when done well.
Love how in past phases 2D admired Murdoc but in certain interviews I feel like Murdoc is (not so) secretly attracted to 2D as in lust. While 2D is just completely oblivious most of the time
Oh no yeah facts, you don't call someone A LITERAL GOD and a pretty boy if you feel normally about them. 2-D is definitely oblivious, but so is Murdoc I think. Their dynamic was always stupidly complicated, and it only spiraled further phases 3 and 5. They don't even know what they have going on, really- and that's okay! relationships don't have to be perfect. to deny those kinds of relationships are real and normal is immature and only stifles awareness and enables people not to recognize toxic behaviour.
anyway I went off but that's my hot take on 2doc
Im gonna answer you from here because my comment got lost because of the internet😭 Im gonna write here again😔🤧
@nightblightowl
First of all, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! I was remembering that moment like Deku was holding her hand with two hands and so I didn't think it was the same one here, thank you for reminding us! Im gonna put the prev hand holding moment here
However I still can't think this moment as romantic because at the prev moment, she was thinking about Himiko Toga, not Izuku. She was thinking about the girl who loved her. And again, when Deku came right in front of him she was still thinking about Himiko Toga. That's why I can't find this panel romantic. It felt more like just hurt/comfort to me. She literally thought Toga was alive and pushed her for a moment so she stumbled (I still think if horikoshi was gonna make izuocha clear, izuku shouldve tried to hold her and then he couldve hold her hand🫠 but anyway). She was still thinking about Himiko Toga.
Yes, she should move on bc she is dead. She has to live with that but she should move on but she still couldn't. I want her to confess her feelings, I want them to talk with each other but if they are gonna date, I don't want them to start dating like this. Izuku made his move to her with Katsuki's advice's, not with his own pure thoughts. Ochako still thinks about toga even when she is with him and I really think they should get therapy first😭 (I wrote this better in my prev comment but got deleted hhhhh)
Lets move on to the other subject
Do you remember when they were child and following bakugo with "bakugo agency" song? I was referring to that :) Izuku wouldn't do something he doesn't like even when he was that little and if I gotta show and example that would be when he was trying to protect someone against Katsuki and the others.
You can also see the pic I send in the first comment. He was asking to bakugo after all this years, about the agency thing. He doesn't need to ask him at all, he could ve ask anyone but he asked Katsuki. Even Shoto got curious and ask them if they are gonna open an agency together and they didn't refuse it so maybe Izuku was actually still thinking about working together even though if it may not be the "Bakugo agency".
Also I've never said Deku is obligated to tail Katsuki, can you please tell me why you thought it like that so I can edit my prev comment? Also I already said he could still be a teacher and be a hero in Katsuki's agency. I thought it was odd for him to reject him without even thinking for a moment. Because this doesn't feel like the same boy that said "Its not like I could just go and refuse him" when Katsuki wanted to fight with him.
Don't you think that rejecting katsuki could've another meaning too? Because what Izuku said in the chapter doesn't feel like a good excuse to me.
Katsuki wanted to be closer to him than before. Izuku whos the one who chased him for his whole life, acted like he is just an old classmate of his is normal for his character? I don't think so. And even if it is, I think Horikoshi should've make that more clear. Thats one of the reasons why I thought Izuku looks so blank in this chapter. Just like you said, they have come so far so thats what makes everything weird.
If you actually read all this long texts, thank you btw lmao. When it comes to making analyses I kinda can't stop😭 🌼
Tbh if my main ship would be izuocha, I'd be so disappointed.
I mean, Horikoshi didn't even drew Izuku catching Ochako when she was literally falling right into his arms. He could've said "It would be a bit of an unlucky situation if you fell, wouldn't it?" (I dont remember word to word in eng those words but you get it.) just like when Ochako talked to her for the first time he saw him and catching him before falling. One of them might have confess their feelings and then they would fall in love literally and that would be actually something meaningful.
I don't know how you guys feel but if izuocha is really going to be canon, I think it shouldve been like this, not with dabbing lmao.
We all know Horikoshi cares how he draws hands. Horikoshi thinks hands are one of the most characteristic things in the human body, thats why him choosing izuku and ochako dabbing makes everything funny to me. Everything about izuku in this chapter was so blank to me idk.
Also when Izuku was leaving katsuki, the way katsuki put one of his hand in his pocket and probably holding that All Might card firmly... I felt a lot of things while seeing him only in that panel.
Their dream was opening an agency together and being heroes together and compete with each other... How did it come to this? Izuku still could've join Bakugo's agency and do part time teacher job, why did he reject him and did that so coldly? What changed? Im sure even Shoto wanted to be in their agency, my baby boy will be frustrated when he hears all of this😭
I wanna talk too much but I don't know where to start...
Note: its just my thoughts, I tried to not add my thoughts about my ship and I respect what you think, if you wanna share your thoughts please do it but in a respectful way :3
Tbh if my main ship would be izuocha, I'd be so disappointed.
I mean, Horikoshi didn't even drew Izuku catching Ochako when she was literally falling right into his arms. He could've said "It would be a bit of an unlucky situation if you fell, wouldn't it?" (I dont remember word to word in eng those words but you get it.) just like when Ochako talked to her for the first time he saw him and catching him before falling. One of them might have confess their feelings and then they would fall in love literally and that would be actually something meaningful.
I don't know how you guys feel but if izuocha is really going to be canon, I think it shouldve been like this, not with dabbing lmao.
We all know Horikoshi cares how he draws hands. Horikoshi thinks hands are one of the most characteristic things in the human body, thats why him choosing izuku and ochako dabbing makes everything funny to me. Everything about izuku in this chapter was so blank to me idk.
Also when Izuku was leaving katsuki, the way katsuki put one of his hand in his pocket and probably holding that All Might card firmly... I felt a lot of things while seeing him only in that panel.
Their dream was opening an agency together and being heroes together and compete with each other... How did it come to this? Izuku still could've join Bakugo's agency and do part time teacher job, why did he reject him and did that so coldly? What changed? Im sure even Shoto wanted to be in their agency, my baby boy will be frustrated when he hears all of this😭
I wanna talk too much but I don't know where to start...
Note: its just my thoughts, I tried to not add my thoughts about my ship and I respect what you think, if you wanna share your thoughts please do it but in a respectful way :3
Edit: pls look at the reblogged version of my comment about this too, someone pointed something about izuocha hand holding too :3
> random bakugo rant
ive seen a lot of hate regarding bakugo's character development, and though i understand most people's viewpoint, we have to remember that bakugo was inheritly a kid that was taught high expectations from early on, he was praised since young, taught that his worth came from his abilities. either he was the best, or he was nothing. he had a mentality where you were all or none. he never had any room for failure admist all that, so he couldn't grow to accept the fact that izuku was better. and by disregarding bakugo's development as much haters do, you're disregarding izukus strength. the whole fandom sees izuku as weak, which is inheritly wrong. izuku was strong, not because he had OFA, not because he had All Might beside him, but because he kept going no matter what was in front of him. and Bakugou loathed that, because all he saw was strength. and he couldn't bear the fact that Izuku held his head up high regardless of how physically weak he was. it didnt make sense to him, so he tried to wear Izuku's strength down, by bullying him, by lowering his worth. and it still didn't work. because izuku would always be stronger, and you know what the strongest thing izuku did was? it was forgiving Bakugou. the reason why Bakugou could never be as strong as izuku was because he was scared of being weak. but izuku was weak, yet he still kept going. and because of that, Bakugo thought he was looking down on him. Bakugous journey is accepting that, its trying to change all he was taught his entire childhood. and its not easy to do that, when you've had your ego held up high your entire life, when your mindset was shifted to only being of worth. all he was is a scared 15year old, growing into someone that can come to understand their flaws and make amends for it.
I was gonna post this as a reply for this post by @he4d-banger but it got too long so I’m making it a separate post.
I have talked about this before but I’ll talk again because I love talking about Cale’s complex emotional state.
More than pushing them away, Cale completely ignored his grief which has made him completely emotional constipated. This has lead to many side affects which get glossed over most of the time since we read the novel from Cale’s pov.
Some that I can remember from the top of my head right now are: dissociation, selective memory, depression, anxiety, stress and tons of physical problems like eating disorder, etc. which I’ll get into more another time. His self destructive tendencies based on the decisions he makes are all because of his emotional constipation.
Cale’s denial over his own symptoms has become chronic over the years even tho it’s fairly visible from other peoples perspective. Some instances I can remember where we see Cale’s condition from other peoples pov are: moments when Alberu tells him he’ll definitely get his slacker life, everyone’s reaction to him smiling after crying, Choi Han meeting younger Cale, the villains’ reaction when Cale gets angry, everyone telling him he’s too weak and skinny, Ron and Choi Han’s pov during side story 7 after Cale dreamed about CJS and LSH first death anniversary, etc. Everyone can recognize that he’s not well.
And about the venting on destroying stuff, that’s exactly correct. Many times when we see the fight from the other pov of the villain, most of the dialogue is about how angry and terrifying Cale looks. Of course part of that could be due to the effect of Dominating Aura, but they specifically mention Cale’s expression and the look in his eyes a lot. That’s what truly terrifies them. Cale doesn’t recognize this but he’s really expressive, everyone says that he’s very expressive and lets his emotions slip through his face.
Another case when he couldn’t control his emotions anymore was when he cried. An interesting fact is that people who aren’t used to crying and/or hold themselves back from crying, once they do actually cry they can’t stop the flow of tears and are motionless and/or rather calm and quiet. It’s that silent unstoppable crying that Cale displayed. His grief finally exploded after meeting LSH and he couldn’t understand the sadness he was feeling at that moment because the meeting ended with consolidation and relief. All the pain over the deaths of his best friends finally released.
That is a complete contrast to his reaction in side story 7 after the first anniversary of his team’s death. When he arrived home he just collapsed on the floor expressionless. Not once did he cry. But the way he collapsed at that moment said a lot about his state at the time. All the stress accumulated in his body from holding back his emotions all day today affected his physical health to total exhaustion
Actually in my opinion SS7 is one of the best chapters about examining Cale’s emotional state. There are multiple visible of him suppressing his emotions like: keeping a neutral expression all day around, refusing to mention what day it was tomorrow even though everyone knew, not closing his eyes in front of the grave because the memories would resurface, the small panic attack shown by his shortage of breath, background silence and feeling of heaviness, and you can see how burned out emotionally and physically he feels. The only way he wouldn’t feel these things was by working, as it is noted multiple times throughout the story that he never took days off.
And my favorite moment was when we see Cale waking up from the dream and very clearly experiencing signs of ptsd and a panic attack. He was feeling cold despite the entire house being heated with magic, cold sweat running down his face, shortage of breath as soon as he woke up and a distressed expression as shown from Ron and Choi Han’s pov He also felt the need to hear noises and pet the kids to make him feel a sense of attachment with reality since the silence in his memories made him feel suffocated. Tho Cale himself couldn’t recognize these symptoms.
That side story also shows how he has grown emotionally throughout the novel now becoming more emotionally open with others.
I can also go on about his selective memory, anxiety, get more into his self destructive lifestyle and about his obvious signs of depression during his team leader days and early part of the novel while touching on his childhood trauma, but this post is already long enough so I’ll leave those for another day.
Danganronpa rant #4
This analysis is actually gonna be on a ship! It's Celeste x Byakuya and Money Money Money by Abba! With that out of the way let's get into the analysis!
The first stanza “I work all night, I work all day, To pay the bills I have to pay, Ain't it sad? And still there never seems to be, A single penny left for me, That's too bad” is a line that represents Celeste. It being a reference to that fact that no matter how lucky Celeste is with gambling she’ll never have enough money to achieve her dreams. The following lines (‘In my dreams I have a plan, If I got me a wealthy man, I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball”) is a line to me that represents Celeste being in love with Byakuya and how he has all she could ever want.
The chorus, “Money, money, money, Must be funny, In the rich man's world, Money, money, money, Always sunny, In the rich man's world” to me isn’t so much a line to dissect to describe the relation between Celeste and Byakuya but is instead a line that represents how Celeste would behave around Byakuya (ex. The line that was mentioned could be a Celeste lovingly mocking Byakuya). The following line/second half of the chorus represents Celeste's’ dream and how with Byakuya's help she could achieve that.
The second verse, “A man like that is hard to find, But I can't get him off my mind, Ain't it sad? And if he happens to be free, I bet he wouldn't fancy me, That's too bad” is a line that shows how Celeste believes that Byakuya wouldn’t have an interest in her. The first half of the line (“A man like that is hard to find, But I can't get him off my mind, Ain't it sad?”) showcases how Byakuya is always on Celeste's mind.
The final line (that isn’t the chorus repeated) “So I must leave, I'll have to go, To Las Vegas or Monaco, And win a fortune in a game, My life will never be the same” is a line that represents again, how Celeste gambles for her fortune and that she would rather choose to continue gamboling and leave her feelings behind then deal with them.
Danganronpa rant #1
Yes everyone, you read that right! I'm branching out into my other interests! Keeping this blog as only Bnha would cause me to become uninterested very easily and my hyperfixations fluctuate between bnha and danganronpa a lot so these are the two you'll be seeing the most! With that stated lets get into todays rant!
ps if you follow the account drv3confessions you'll have already seen this rant as I sent it in as a confession!
Herse my in-depth analysis on why Art is Dead by Bo Burnham is the best song to describe Nagito. I’ll start off with the part of the song that goes on about how Bo (from this point on referred to as Nagito) shouldn’t be praised and that he isn’t perfect and should be corrected.
This is a fantastic example of how Nagito constantly degrades himself and talks about how the others should use him and treat him as badly as he talks about himself. Then there's the part right after the section talking about a kid whos loud and outgoing, the ‘I must be psychotic, I must be demented, To think that I'm worthy, Of all this attention…’ part. That is also a very good example of how Nagito thinks and has been told his whole life that he isn’t worth attention (positive or negative).
It also shows that he feels the attention that he does get, he feels is too much and that he doesn’t deserve it. Right near the end of the song there's a section that goes ‘A self-centered artist, Self-obsessed artist’ and I think that also really plays into the whole self degradation thing Nagito has going on. I think that if he ever (he probably has but it was really backhanded, at the time of writing this I’m very tired so there are probably some inconsistencies) made a positive comments about himself he’d follow it up with something like ‘how self-centered of me to think such a thing’.
I also wanna touch back on the ‘I must be psychotic, I must be demented, To think that I'm worthy, Of all this attention’ line. This line to me really sells the whole ‘this song screams Nagito’ thing. Mainly because this is how he thinks, he thinks he doesn’t deserve attention and when he does get it he feels selfish and insane (not the best terminology but I can’t think of another way to word it).
Finally going back to the start of the song where it talks about a kids birthday party. I feel like that represents how Nagito thinks about himself, one of the lines (‘That every day, Can't be about him, There's other people, You selfish ass hole) really describes how Nagito thinks about himself. As a final point I would like to say that he overall tone of the song is very reminiscent of how Nagito speaks and behaves in the game.
TLDR: 'Art is dead' By Bo Burnham is an excellent song to represent Nagito and his character :)