Bpd - Blog Posts

current mood is wanting to fucking cry, scream, and rip my skin apart and hair out but actually I'm just sitting doom scrolling or watching youtube letting these feelings sit because you just don't have the will to do any of those things.

wonder how he'd feel if he knew and saw the extent of my cutting and scars.

he should leave me. i don't want to be cared about. (he doesn't care about me anyways, made that clear)

want to commit but I got a thing going on tomorrow, so suicide debate is postponed. (I'm upset for no reason and hating on everyone)

my thoughts when someone says "I love you" is just

ha ha. no, you don't. you just love the idea and perception of me that I have given you. you don't love me.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO GODDAMN COMPLICATED AND CONFUSING

honestly just getting more and more afraid to ever get into another/new relationship because of this. I'm afraid, I'll be constantly afraid that they'll just suddenly leave one day too. I'll get overly too attached and clingy. on top of my already constantly splitting on people. I'm just fucking afraid now because of him.

I'm taking this as a ghosting/breakup. 4 years to nothing I guess.

all I keep thinking is

fuck you

and

i hate you

shut the fuck up just shut the fuck up

i hate you, I hate you all

i feel so bad to the point I wanna cut

also cry, but I can't cry so I'll just sit feeling like this

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

i get worse when im on here.

i also get worse when I'm not on here.

i can't get you to understand a single bit. so why bother trying, why dont I just leave again, and not temporarily this time.

I feel like I’ve done something wrong and no one is making me aware of it. It’s making me anxious anyway have a Juliet

“empaths” are THE stupidest fucks on the planet. not to mention the ableism lol