Paranoia - Blog Posts

Just Listen...Okay?

M!Yandere x F!Reader

TW : Breaking and entering, Being Stalked, Watched as you sleep, Non-con Touching, Night terrors, Choking

A/N : Its a short drabble (like 679 words?), but this is going to be my first piece, so i'm interested in feed back & requests to keep this page alive

Sometimes you imagine yourself walking down the street, turning the corner and being taken away without a sound in the dead of night. No one to hear you scream, no one to hear you struggle against your assailant, no one to help you…

That's how most of your nightmares end anyway, waking up drenched in sweat, adrenalin in your veins, and the sudden feeling of being intruded upon.

But tonight was different, soft touches, illegible whisper's, indecipherable dreams, waking up softly. It's new, but not unwelcome compared to the garish and soul shaking night terrors that were being experienced on the regular, like a nightly ritual of sorts. A sweet reprieve from fear just for the night.

As you drew closer to the break of consciousness you could register something.. no someone else next to you, being held in their chest. With them in your bed sharing their warmth. You could feel their warm hands under your night shirt, caressing your back, hearing their serene heartbeat was almost enough to lull you back to sleep…Almost. Feeling your body tense up in their arms they tightened their hold on you, once soft touches turned into rose thorns ready to draw blood if you dared to move in a way that this intruder didn't permit you to.

Soft hushes to your ear made you twist and wriggle away, but their hands were gripping you so harshly that you could only shrink into their oppressive touch. A few minutes passed with them quietly shushing your increasing whimpering, and mellowed attempts to release yourself from their grip.

A hand moved from your back to the top of your head, in an attempt to soothe you. The hushed whispers picked up in volume and then a smooth voice spoke up in the silence.

" Hey, listen to me alright? I've been trying to stop your nightmares or at least make them less intense than they already are. I know this is pretty strange for you, it is for me too. I just wanted to make sure you were sleeping well. I've been seeing you around campus and I was worried. You always seemed worn out, I just wanted to help you, babe. "

They paused for a brief moment like they were contemplating about what they were going to say before speaking and with a flat almost monotone voice they spoke up in the darkness again.

" I want to be your boyfriend and you to be my girlfriend. You don’t have to say yes... right away, but I do want you to think about it. I just don’t want you to make any rushed decisions to be with me. ”

He had started to move his hands up through your shirt and from the top of your head to your throat in the middle of him speaking, he continued on with his flat tone as if he was reciting a speech from memory.

“ And I know this might seem scary, but I promise that I was only trying to help you get to sleep and stay asleep. Just like any good boyfriend would do for his girlfriend. But for now, “ He spoke cautiously, “ I want you to sleep on it okay? “

His hands began to tighten around your throat. Your hands instantly rush up to meet him to attempt to pull them away from suffocating you in your own bed in the dead of night. The sounds of sheets rustling, and short, sharp inhales of air is the only thing that can be heard for the next five minutes. As you feel the blood in your veins start to pump harder to have a last-ditch attempt to get the man's hands from around your neck, black spots start to appear, your breath becomes more forced and labored, you hear him speak up again.

“ It's okay, don't worry, I'm not gonna kill you, just giving you some time to sleep on it. So when you wake up you’ll be able to give me an answer. I'll make sure you have a goodnights rest. Goodnight Babe"

I hate the idea that I've hurt somone, I can't stand thinking that I'm the reason somome has cried or felt alone and miserable, I dont ever seem to have reason for my actions I just don't think. I dont seem to ever think. I dont want people to worry about me or spend time thinking about me or even spend time on me in general and I feel as if im always doing somthing to hurt a person even by accident and that's somthing ill never be able to take back. "I'm not a mean dog.. I dont know why I bite.."[Not my art]

fun late-night thought i don’t trust my friends enough to actually tell them: i feel like people liked me better when i had no self-confidence

me after screaming "stop following me" knowing they won't becuase their not real, hopefully

Paranoia is crazy cause when i sh its fine but the second it's someone I care about I have to know every time and everything about it or I'm going to assume you bleeding out on the bathroom floor

Man uh, does any one else deal with super bad Paranoia at night?

Like, do you feel like there is someone standing behind you at night when you know you're the only one awake? That's what I think I'm dealing with right now. I can just feel them behind me and I'm worried that if I get up they'll attack. They know I know they're there, and they might be even be reading this post over my shoulders right now. If that's the case then Hello to them.

but seriously, we all know I cant sit here at this computer all night, and they know I'm scared. I hear them walking and waiting... just breathing.

I hear one standing right behind me breathing over my shoulder as I type this... I'm definitely stalling the inevitable.

It's Terrifying to know this shitty post could be my last, so If they get to me before I ever post again... I appreciate my like four followers. y'all are great and I'm sorry I didn't post more often.

I'm gonna try to make a run for my room.

fr how it feels to be drawing on my grandpas computer at night when I'm the only one up. ;~;

I'm trynna be the the insomniamaxxing eepypilled artist i know I am but paranoia sucks.

not the kinda guy to stay inside the guidelines

disquiet

A piece of me is always missing, Like the last block of lego that I can never seem to find One empty space right in the center of the jigsaw puzzle. I'm not sure if I lost it along the way. I'm not sure if I'm yet to find it. But lately, the gap seems more blatant. I'm anxious that it's visible to the people around me. That when they look at me, they see half a person. It's almost like I'm mimicking a being While I'm on the quest for the missing elements.

Sometimes, everything is wholesome! Golden skies, daisies, moongazing, Dusty libraries where ghosts of dead poets linger, Tight hugs, acts that mean "I'm thinking of you.", I look at my picture with my friends, smiling ear to ear And the jigsaw puzzle is complete. (or it was, then.) Some memories in me are so perfect that, The missing lego piece starts to feel like an extra piece From the table, you're trying to put together. It works fine without it, and there's nowhere to put it.

Then I'm back in my bed, back in my head. And I cannot remember how to be a whole person again I eat chocolate until I'm nauseated Or I never draw the curtains open and let the light flow through. I want to live life to the fullest, I never want to be seen in public again, I want all-consuming love, I want to believe I'm worthy of it, I want to feel complete when I'm alone, I want someone to feel complete with.

I want and I want and I want… Socrates said, (Yes, I went there) "He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have." What about, She who is never content with who she is? What about me?

I think I should make an introduction post

Name: Quinn

Pronouns: she/they

American

Birthdate: 02/19

(Self diagnosed based on family history, because my parents are right wing 🙄) schizophrenia, autism, adhd, depression, severe paranoia

I suffer from intense paranoia causing me to be unable to interact with people, I hallucinate frequently, I suffer from severe back and leg pain so I use a homemade cane to ease the pain (made from a tree in my backyard with no major tools just a knife a saw and sandpaper) I’m autistic and have adhd

La vida es un asco... Soportar todos los días a gente ignorante, llegar destrozada a casa, aparentar que no tengo nada y que estoy bien mientras que por dentro quiero tomar una navaja y cortarme el cuello. Por más que trato de disfrutar la vida no puedo, la vida no tiene sentido ni belleza. Ya quiero morir, por qué creo que después de la muerte no hay nada, y yo quiero eso, yo mi quiero sentir, no quiero sufrir, no quiero llorar mi pensar... Lo intente varias veces, me tomé 8 pastillas, me aventé a una parte profunda de un gran río, me intenté ahogar con una cuerda, me intenté cortar las venas, e incluso aventarme desde un puente pero siempre fracaso, soy inútil hasta para matarme. No se que me mantiene aquí ni por qué sigo aquí... Llevo 3 años así, no tengo hambre(me obligan a comer), no tengo energía, no me gusta salir y solo me la paso en mi cuarto, escucho voces, tengo alucinaciones y unas ganas intensas de matarme. Ahora que lo pienso extraño cuando estaba dopata en una habitación acolchada y sin ser molesta.

“I am the key to the lock in your house.”

The TRS-80s are coming! They'll be unstoppable with their 16k of RAM! Keep watching the skies!

The Computers Are Coming! [Uptade 1980]; 666-1984.

A Publication of: The Southwest Radio Church P. O. Box 1144, Oklahoma City, OK, 73101.

naahhh guys the fact that I have tinnitus (ears ringing) and visual snow (where everything looks static-y) make my life feel like an analog horror lmao. oh yeah also the paranoia

Yooonnnneeeeee

songs that are relatable to people with schizotypal personality disorder

Ladytron- destroy everything you touch feeling a lack of empathy towards others and destroying your relationships with everyone you know 

Jack stauber- baby hotline wanting to seek professional help when your at your lowest, psychosis/anxiety 

Cristianmirror- the mind electric 4 demo - struggling with mental instability and not being able to tell reality from delusion

Balde and bath- Bloody sink I feel like think song relates to those who suffer in silence, with crippling anxiety and paranoia to the point they will have panic attacks in public 

Black Sabbath - paranoid obviously paranoia that an entity or a person is out to get you yet no one sees it but you

Marc Demarco- chamber of reflection this song could relate to the feeling of isolation and loneliness as people with schizotypal will often ghost or push people away due to paranoia that others will hurt them 

Cannibal corpse- hammer smashed face relates to those who actually killed or experience wanted to kill (not all people with stpd experience this though keep in mind)

Radiohead- creep a song about feeling isolated as you don’t fit in can relate to those who struggle to socialize as they are seen as awkward or eccentric 

I think my bf secretly doesn’t like me

Mr Meow Meow and Mr Sundae

Decided to draw @dovewingkinnie characters since they’re so shape and delightful :]]]