Latest Posts by crazzyyyramblings - Page 5

second choice second choice second choice!! wonderful!! love that for me ! only talk to me when everyone else has to go ! I won't notice ! I dont care ! me ? never !

I used to do personality tests a lot, looking for something to tell me who I really am, an answer that's satisfying.

People would describe me and it never felt real, but who was I to dispute it?

I never felt like I knew who I was and every description of me, from golden admiration to scathing hatred, never felt like it was me.

New challenge for all my girlies and I

Me trying to explain to my friend why I felt fine an hour earlier and why I feel bad now (I have BPD):

trying not to get attached

Idk if thats a bpd or a me thing

im really just an abandoned dog at this point

i should be put down

I’m sorry I’m not good enough

I’m sorry I’m a failure

I’m sorry I will never be anyone

I’m sorry I’m not worth it

I wish I was never born

some days i think i’m okay and some days i wish i was six feet in the ground

All my life, I have been living for other people. Most of the decisions I have made were because someone else wanted me to make them. It's time to start living for myself, but I have no interest in life at all. Killing myself will be the most selfish thing that I will ever do, but at least it will be my own decision.

I know I am being obsessive. I know I am truly not anything special to you.

I also know I can’t stop myself from being overly invested in an FP that may not ever feel anything for me.

no matter how much my life is improving, i still feel empty and alone

i want a gf or a bf or a partner or some undisclosed fourth thing i dont care about gender or what people call "standards" i just want somebody to fucking love me

watching my close friends live their life normally hurts so much because i wanted to achive things too. seeing them study what they want and actually can do it, get what they want, not having any problems in life, good family, and etc... and then there is me whos life is just a whole failure. it makes me wanna kms more when i hear how their life is normal and good. because i will never have a life like theirs. and before eveything, i wont see the world like them again. i lost my spark. i feel empty all the time and i dont find any meaning in living. i cant enjoy even little things like them anymore. i wish i was them. but i'm not. i'll just die in this darkness, alone with my all thoughts. there is no chance for me to see the world same again.

been feeling like this bitch lately

It happened again.

I got excited over a few text messages.

And then,

They stopped.

Honestly,

What did I think would happen.

getting fucking dunked on by my little sister for existing in a perpetual state of worry

I fake being well.

I don't know why I'm expected to be a normal, functioning person when everyone around me tried their hardest to stop me from being one.