Latest Posts by crazzyyyramblings - Page 6

I think there's a misconception surrounding depression that it's the same as sadness, however I don't think that's it. I'm here laying awake at 5 am after waking up for no reason at 3:30, and I want to die even though I don't feel particularly sad in fact, I'm pretty sure I don't feel anything at all. I feel sad often, right now I don't. But I still think that I don't want to continue living anymore.

People when someone with bpd starts showing symptoms of a literal personality disorder that can’t be romanticized: 😮 😡

Notes goal post. Because why not.

I don't expect this to get very much attention, but I need motivation for some stuff so here we go I suppose

20 notes and I'll drink some water

50 and ill brush my teeth every night for the next week

100 and I'll start actually studying for my tests

150 and I'll weed my garden

200 and ill wash my hair regularly for the next month (like every other day)

300 ill start actually packing my lunches for school and eating them for two weeks

400 ill start eating food that's good for me, and have protein semiregularly

500 ill start taking my vitamins again so I can stop being malnourished

600 ill start going on walks again

700 ill clean my room

800 ill start reading and writing more

900 ill fully delete all of my suicide notes and wills that I've written

1000 ill throw away the razors

1500 ill be honest with my parents about all my physical issues and go to a medical professional

2000 ill ask my mom to let me go to therapy again

2500 ill stop starving myself when I'm mad at myself for one whole month

3000 I'll start like really trying again to be happy

5000 ill begin to actually try to be a good person, even considering my limits and all that

10000 ill listen to the entirety of welcome to nightvale (the real incentive here)

Spam allowed, tagging allowed, the deadline is October 22.

have fun

i wish i had a dadddddddddddddddddddddddddddddsaddddddd

(hes alive, just shitty)

“Absent Father“

1. “Hey “dad” I did it without you.”

2. “Having kids doesn’t make you a father raising them does.”

3. “My dad broke my heart way before any boy had the chance to.”

4. “If a man cannot be a father to his own child, there is nothing worse than that.”

5. “Just remember when you are ignoring her, you are teaching her to live without you.”

6. “He was supposed to be the first male love of her life search for him everywhere.”

7. “A father may turn his back on his child, but a mother’s love endures through all.“

8. “Respect to all moms doing double duty because of men failing to do their part as dad.“

9. “When you grew up with an absent father, you grew up dreaming and wanting.“

10. “Don’t forgive him. Forgive yourself for believing there is something lacking in you because he wasn’t there.“

11. “One of the saddest things in this world, is to see a child grow up hating one of their parents -father

12. “I miss the father you never were.”

13. “There's nothing worse than a man that can be everything to everybody

else except a father to their own child.“

They aren't going to apologise.

They aren't going to see all the hurt they inflicted.

Nothing you say, will cause change.

To protect yourself, realise that.

That person who seeks retribution, time and love.

Won't ever receive it.

I dont say this to be mean.

I say this to save you from further pain.

Trust me, I tried.

I think I want love more than prestigious education and money. That's what childhood emotional neglect gave me.

what if we were tussling and roughhousing and it suddenly got more intense. what if we went harder and harder at it until our noses are bloodied and chests were heaving and we separated with ragged breaths, checking over ourselves for damage. but then what if we catch each other staring, what if we start to reach for each other with shaking, exhausted arms. what if we kissed, tasted each other’s blood on our lips and tongues

mom said it’s my turn to be ached for, to have someone feel a stab of hunger for me, to feel nourishment at the sight of me. give it now

this might not be relatable at all but like. is there any other trans masc who isnt *nearly* as dysphoric without clothes as they are with?

cus like. if i look at myself shirtless its kinda like. yeah obviously i wish i had a flat chest but its like oh well i can deal with this for now.

but when im wearing clothes and you can see my chest with them on???? even if im wearing a binder?? i feel like ripping my hair off and do diy top surgery with the nearest sharp object i can find

a Trans Akechi comic focusing on gender dysphoria

I’m gonna spend my lifetime regretting what my parents didn’t do for me.

ayoooo who wants our souls to be so intertwined that i cant do simple tasks without being reminded of you and you can’t see anything without thinking of me lmaoooo 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

i hate when men are funny and kind and smart and silly and caring and pretty. stop it dude you're ruining my sleep schedule.

i am going feral (i wanna be cuddled and listen to music together)

Michael Cunningham, "The Hours" // Anne Sexton, "The Touch" // Charles M. Schulz, Peanuts and Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me—The Smiths // F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the Night // Kelsey Landsgaard, A Soft Wrongness // J. D. McClatchy, "THE DIALOGUE OF DESIRE AND GUILT" // Marina Tsvetaeva, from notes // Yves Olade, Belovéd

I just want to be soft, please just let me be soft.

"So you're a people pleaser? Let's flip this around. You're a person too. Please yourself."

Actual quote from my coworker today. And man did that hurt.

Try as you might, being everyone’s favourite is an unattainable feat.

I envy selfish people. Do you know how exhausting it is to always worry about other people and their feelings even if it’s at your own expense?

having bpd and also being a people pleaser is so weird because i will hate someone when they’re not with me and swear i’ll ignore them, and then 15 minutes later i’ll pick up their call and spend the next five hours with them

"Scratch that. I want to be loved. I want her to love me."

INTRODUCTION, I Would Leave Me If I Could, Halsey

All I’ve wanted from a young age was to be necessary.

It seems as if no one will ever put in extra effort for me

Maybe I just want to be something that could justify my existence.

I want to be special, so I could deserve love.

Maybe I can finally deserve love if my existence doesn't feel so meaningless.

If I wasn't such a burden, then maybe I can be loved.

I want to be easy to love.

My flaws are making it harder so.

I am difficult.

It feels wrong to desire something as great as love.