This. Oh Man, This.

Lol I hate being fucking self aware.

Trying to not to be afraid of this energy. One of the days when I feel sorry for myself. Sigh.

The urge to just destroy myself. To cut off everything. To go radio silent on everyone because my brain is absolutely convinced I'll be best off alone, locked in a tiny little box.

Why can't I just have a moment to breathe? To actually enjoy my bit of happiness I get here and there.

back from a vacation to the same spirals and work, home sweet home.

kinda wanna leave. kinda wanna ghost everyone. kinda wanna rot under a blanket. kinda wanna feel loved. kinda wanna feel wanted. kinda wanna

My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

How do I make someone understand

just how much I have to fight everyday?

That I'm perpetually at war with my brain

that I don't let myself lean on anyone but myself

even if it makes the fire harder to extinguish

but isn't that what I really want?

To burn and burn

and burn.

Tw: abuse

Just survived a couple hours with my abuser while casually chitchatting around family. I need to run away.

Just dissociating after crying and spiralling for losing a bunch of hair, courtesy of my antidepressant and lack of self care. Enough living for today.

The music dances inside my mind,

It's beautiful and it's urgent

It's my escape from words that I can't find the symphony to write.