I'm Surprised I'm Not Dead For Going Against Him.

Over religious guy: I shall drive you out with these sacred tools.

Nero: you’re a sacred tool.

Why Ardyn has banned Alice from drinking.

Ardyn: Alice its late, come home.

Alice: f*** off I'm fine.

Ardyn: I just watched you walk into a light post.

Alice: You can't see me.

Ardyn: I'm right next to you

Alice: liar.

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Alice: (texts) I found your family!

Ardyn: (texts) please don't tell me you dug up another grave....

Alice: (sends him a picture of a bunch of pigs)

Ardyn: (texts) where are you?!

Alice: (texts) wif yor famly

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Fyodor: This interview is over.

Nikolai: Great! See you tonight!

Fyodor: *interviewing Nikolai* Where do you see yourself in five years?

Nikolai: At your funeral.

Dazai: Wow, you’re so short. You want me to put a few inches in you, slug?

Chuuya: How is half an inch gonna help me?

Nikolai and Sigma text. Don’t know how to add characters. Props to SSGLinus.

Ignis: Why is Prompto in the hospital?

Noctis: We filled Gladio's locker with shaving cream and water balloons.

Ignis: And let me guess. He tripped on the shaving cream.

Noctis: No. He just wasn't able to out run Gladio.

I DRANK SHAMPOO

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

Ango: The horrible things you do are starting to make me believe you are the spawn of the devil, Dazai.

Dazai: I mean there was that time I got itchy near a crucifix…

Ango:….

Oda: That was when you had bed bugs.

Yes! This is the best day of his life!

Bungou Stray....cats?~

Hiii!! Can I request something from touchstarved pls?

What kind of kissers do you think each of our guys are? Which ones a HORRIBLE kisser, too much tongue, slobber slobber… which ones are absolute gods at kissing you just wanna worship the ground they walk on-

I had fun imagining this one 😎

SO, here’s my headcanon even tho I never kissed anyone myself LMAO 👩🏽‍🦯

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TOUCHSTARVED HEADCANONS🍒

Who's a good kisser?

Kuras: In my mind he never kissed anyone but he has a natural gift for it. God did grant himself the ability to kisseth to the sir ☝️🤓 (I think he’s an adept of handkissing tho) Leander: The man fucked the whole city of Eridia, of course he developed some skills, but I imagine he almost only kiss with his tongue which is disgusting and tiring in the long run… (+ he likes to kiss your feet).  With someone he loves it might be slightly different tho, he’d love kissing you on the forehead. Vere: I hate to admit it but that man is 100% a good kisser, he even has a certification and all. If I can go a little further, I imagine kisses with Vere really cold, but head spinning, like, he knows what he’s doing but there’s no emotion at all in it.  If he has a love language, I don’t think it’s this one. Mhin: They don’t. They know how to smooch, but ask them to put the tongue and all, first: they find it disgusting; second: it’s a teeth knocking typa kiss. But they’re so precious, can you even blame them??? Ais: If Kuras is a S tier kisser, Ais is a god tier kisser (I’m completely unbiased, I swear). He doesn’t kiss just anyone and he puts his heart and soul into it. You receive one of his kisses, and it has the effect of a narcotic on you. For Ais, I think kissing your cheeks and/or neck is his way of showing affection.