INTP During An Apocalypse:

"I don't want to date someone, I want to find someone to flirt with everyday without any consequences~"

Looks like a cinnamon roll, is actually a cinnamon roll: Richard Papen

Looks like they could kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll: Francis Abernathy

Looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill you: Charles Macaulay

Looks like they could kill you, could actually kill you: Henry Winter

Could kill you by feeding you too many cinnamon rolls: Camilla Macaulay

Does not deserve cinnamon rolls, will actually get killed: Bunny Concoran

Atsushi: I don't know why you look up to Dazai-san of all people?

Akutagawa: why shouldn't I? He is a genius

Atsushi: well, he doesn't eat his vegetables

Akutagawa: what....

Atsushi: he naps during work hours, doesn't do his paperwork and spends most of his time making elaborate plans to annoy Kunikida-san

Akutagawa: you don't know him, he is the Port Mafia's demon prodigy, his ruthlessness and capabilities have no limits,the greatest, youngest, Port Mafia executive that's ever-----

Dazai: Atsushi-kun~

Atsushi: what is it now?

Dazai: I got stuck in the oil barrel again! And I mixed some random pills I found in the drawer. My head hurts, I think I need your help in doing my paperwork today~

Atsushi: why don't you do it in the afternoon?

Dazai: I am hosting a tea party for Ranpo-san, Kenji-kun and Kyouka-chan!

Akutagawa: .....

Atsushi, rolling his eyes: Yeah. Ruthless and capable my ass!

Richard: hehe....do you think Charles and Camilla are fucking eachother?

Francis: yes

Richard: *spits drink out* I was just kidding

Francis: we are all fucking eachother, when will you realise that?

(ps: I was clutching my imaginary pearls when that revelation happened)

*Highschool AU*

**Dazai**

*swarmed by his fangirls/boys*

Girl: Dazai-senpai, I really like you 💖

Others: meee toooo

Dazai: I think you are very pretty too~

Girl: would you go out with meee?

Dazai: *omg I am so popular, omg I am so loved, omg so cute juniors, omg I can't---*

Dazai: how about we meet up at----

Atsushi, dragging Dazai out of the place: Dazai-san not this again!!! Chuuya-san's been watching you out of that window

Dazai: H-He was?? Atsushi....can you hide me somewhere, I might die---

Girl: omg omg do you think Atsushi's the one senpai's dating?

Girl #2: why is it ALWAYS Atsushi taking the good ones?

Girl: I think it's cuteee

************************************

**Chuuya**

Girl: I l-like you, Chuuya-senpai

Chuuya: *not this again* I am sorry, I am not interested in dating

Girl: a-are you dating someone?

Chuuya: *there's no way I will admit I am dating that bandaged freak* NO

Girl: then do you like someone?

Chuuya: I guess so...

Atsushi: *walking outside the class*

Chuuya: *yes I can excuse myself now* hey Atsushi, wait for me!!!, sorry I gotta go

Girl: WHAT WHAT THE FUCK ATSUSHI AGAIN? IS HE COMPETITING AGAINST ME?

*later*

Girl: did you know Chuuya-senpai is in unrequited love with Atsushi

Girl #2: Atsushi really has it all huh?

************************************

**Akutagawa**

Girl: Akutagawa-senpai, I...I...

Akutagawa, staring into space:....

Girl: I like you...eh..I.

Akutagawa: sorry, I am dating someone

Girl: woah...I didn't know-who is it?

Akutagawa:....my pet

Atsushi, listening to this: hey, I am not a pet!

Dazai: you are like a cat, a pet cat!!! Hehe

*later*

Girl: I got rejected again

Girl #2: did you know I saw Akutagawa-senpai and Atsushi walking holding hands!

Girl: ATSUSHI AGAIN!!!

Girl #2: maybe you should try Gin-chan

************************************

Atsushi: why are you all following me?

Girl: teach us your ways

Girl #2: how do you do it? Catch em'all?

Atsushi: what

(after studying seriously for a month and still being aggressively average as usual I am back to Tumblr)

Really, Donna kept a lot of the relationships quite ambiguous and we see them through Richard's eyes ( and he is not exactly reliable). I never understood the whole Henry and Camilla relationship, though it was hinted quite early and often.

And Francis and Charles relationship is also quite ambiguous. And we don't know how long it's been going on. Maybe Charles doesn't remember, maybe he just pretends not to (again Richard is not a reliable narrator; also kinda clueless)

Charles kind of broke my whole idea of the story entirely by turning out like be did and it made me put down the book for some time.

And that was not really a rant, I like discussing opinions on my favourite books especially as messy as this one.

So, for my sanity. Let me get this straight (lol); Henry was in love with Camilla and she was in love with him. And Richard was also in love with Camilla but she friendzoned him. Francis and Camilla had kissed (twice) and Charles was furious. Francis was flirting with Richard the entire time ( "cubitum eamus") Richard fantasized about spending his old years with Francis (and they kissed ofc). Richard also described Henry in a very no homo way. Francis and Charles were secretly hooking up. And so were Charles and Camilla (also, Charles was an abuser, why don't people talk about that more?). Richard described Camilla to look very masculine and like Charles to a tee, so he also liked Charles (?). Bunny was a huge homophobe, kinda sus; also had a strange interest in Henry. And Henry was probably in love with Julian (that little weird kiss mentioned ounce). I am a missing something?

Donna. Donna. Donna, what tf is this book is about?

Every MBTI couple: Part 1

ENFP×INTJ: the classic; it's like sunshine and butterflies standing next to Darth Vader. Tbh love the dynamic, the bounce off and the contrast.

INFJ×ENTP: they are like the smart couple who argues a LOT just beacuse they are both good at arguing about random stuff. They would fight a lot but they rarely get mad at eachother cuz they understand eachother at a deeper level and just love to argue regardless.

INTP×ENTJ: if I am talking about myself......I do find ENTJs super attractive. The low and high energy contrast works, both are thinking types, and they are the couple who makes fun of EVERYONE else and respects just eachother.

ISFP×ESFJ: they are probably the most loving couple in the list. You have the shy one and the doting extroverted one. Their relationship is like the one you think of when you hear "healthy relationship"

INFP×INTJ: the most used one ig in fictional stories. Another nice contrast and probably having the most slow burn material. I think they both secretly find eachother adorable...but never say it.

ENTP×INTP: WOULD DEFINITELY CAUSE AN APOCALYPSE

ISTP×ISFP: both are creative and down to earth. Will have one of the most low key yet healthy relationships. Since both are introverts, most dates would be in the house or isolated artistic locations.

ESFP×ESTP: A crazy trainwreck you can't help but watch go down

ESTP×INTP: I can see either becoming one of the best or worst relationships ever. The reason I find it cute is cuz my two main characters of my book are these two types and their relationship and chemistry is super cute.

ESFP×INTJ: they say opposites attract

ESFJ×ISFJ: emotions are oversaturated....

ISTP×ISFJ: .....(every person I pair up with ISTP makes the overall couple lowkey and cool) anyways, ISTP would teach ISFJ to not apologise for everything and focus more on themselves and ISFJ would teach ISTP to feel more emotions and enjoy life a little.

INTP×INTJ: they are the couple that never leaves the house, work on thier hobbies, don't interact with anyone and live their life in peace and comfort of being with someone just like you

ENFJ×ESFP: Tbh they are the couple all of us are jealous of

ISTJ×ESTJ: Both of them are organised and hard working. Would definitely not hate each other but are way too similar to have balance.

Every scene between James and Oliver is either romantic or angsty (sometimes both). It makes me feel butterflies and wanting to rip my eyes out at the same time.

Idc what happened in the end, James and Oliver lived happily ever after in their cottagecore home with their books and cats.

(I am delusional for them)

Dazai: We're like a big happy family! And I am the dad, and Kunikida's the mom!

Kunikida: why am I the mom? What gender roles are we pushing here?

Atsushi: I know they are probably thinking I am the son. But I am not. I will be the gay emo cousin.

Junichiro: I will be the son, that hotshot whose only dream is...to be a star✨

Ranpo: I feel like I'll be a fresh out of jail uncle

Yosano: and I am the sassy aunt, who talks shit about everyone

Re-read TSH.....AGAIN

Here are some weird/wtf/sad moments and details I had forgotten:

•Henry wrote a diary entry about murdering a guy 🤨.

•then forgets that Bunny is capable enough to translate the diary entries and find out about the murder.

•Richard has a random thought about r-wording Camilla out of nowhere (*What the fuck Richard vine plays in the background*) 😳.

•The first time Richard sees the twins he thinks they are a couple..........hmm (I was sus about that from the start) 😶.

•Richard had two pages of internal monologue about Henry being gay.

•There was broken stuff in the twins dorm, which was due to Charles trashing the house whenever he is mad at Camilla (FUCK CHARLES).

•Franics was making passes at Richard multiple times.

•Francis and Camilla kissed for some reason, twice.

•Richard only studied greek before to have a language class that's in the afternoon so he could sleep late in the morning (sometimes I feel like he survives only on pure instinct).

•Richard was constantly finassing his employer.

•Henry and Charles were ready to throw hands at Judy (do NOT touch the queen you freaks).

•Henry planned multiple murder options for Bunny (💫dumb ways to die💫).

•Richard had no problem being an accomplice in murder for people he barely knows.

•Bunny drops multiple hints about the murder the others did early on.

•Nobody tried to save Camilla way before if they knew Charles's controlling nature (Henry taking her away was the best thing he ever did).

•Camilla and Henry had secret telephone codes.

•Francis was forced to have a lavender marriage 😭.

•all of this shit went down during one academic year.

•Camilla's whole purpose was to give storylines to Henry, Charles and Richard. She deserved so much better than that. And I don't want her to ever stay around any of the guys of the group (except for Francis).

•Julian was blissfully aware of the obsessive nature of his students, and not only encouraged it but directly lit the fire that caused them to become who they are. (He tried to pull a John Keating from DPS, but he could NEVER be the Dark Academia teacher icon)

BONUS:

Tally of the members of the greek gang who have kissed eachother (NOT COUNTING THE BACCHANAL, where they all fucked.....Idk what happens in a bacchanal, I am too scared to research)

Camilla: 4 (Henry, Francis, Charles, Richard)

Francis: 3 (Charles, Camilla, Richard)

Richard: 2 (Francis, Camilla)

Charles: 2 (Francis, Camilla)

Henry: 1 (Camilla)

Bunny: 0 (RIP, I guess 😅)