I Found Out Today That I Am The Exact Height Of 5 Party Size Doritos Bags.

Steph: you know that can kill you right?

Jason, smoking a cigarette: that's the point

Tim drinking his "life juice": we're trying to speed this up

Dick eating raw cookie dough: Yeah!

Shouta: Hey Kid can I get a sip of your water? Vigilante Izuku: It's not water. Vigilante Izuku: It's vinegar. Shouta: Wh-Wha- Vigilante Izuku: It's vinegar, COWARD.

Having a food allergy is so wild because what do you MEAN I can sense that there is peanut in this food when it doesn't say that on the menu? Oh it was cooked in peanut oil? Well I can still taste it and I will have a reaction if I keep eating it so-

he definitely got the obsessive adopting gene

Damian: *surrounded by ducks*

Damian: follow me, my children

*Shouta and Vigilante Izuku are doing something absurdly dangerous* Vigilante Izuku: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time! Shouta, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

Some villain: *sneezes*

Vigilante Izuku, from the roof: Bless you!

The Villain: God?

Now would be the perfect time for Les Miserables: a Muppet tale, to start production.

TIFU

okay so I was sitting in the middle of my psychology class today, re-reading my own fanfic to look for any loopholes I may have missed when my teacher comes out of fucking nowhere and sees my screen. I briefly think that my life is over but instead of yelling at me he nodded and said that he "loves to read that fic" in his spare time. he said that he "really hopes that one of the characters is able to recover from what the author is putting them through" and I just sat there and nodded because WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IN THAT SITUATION?! he also said that the character I was going to kill off (for the plot) was his favourite because of how kind he was.

what do I do

TW

It's crazy how with a little bit of adhd and excelling grades you can convince everyone that Ur fine, even when Ur OD'ing.