Feeling Alone - Blog Posts

im feeling down but theres nothing i want to do or buy i dont even wanna buy food which is something i always wanna do whenever im upset

was supposed to play overwatch with a discord server im somewhat active in but like no one showed

i hate having no friends. being alone is fun until youre reminded that youre truly alone

and like i really want to share the fact that im having bottom growth and have people tell me in that moment that theyre proud and happy of me but i have no one :’)

might just post it randomly to a discord server im in meant to tmen and get my validation from there

and im constantly like “i wish i had a bf” but i really dont wanna use dating apps they fucking suck

grindr is so damn scary and comes off as “scam the app” then i feel like shit using any other dating app i dont wanna swipe on ppl thats mean

idk. just sad and lonely rn

,,So, you want to rescue everyone but... who rescues you?"

from ,,I'm going to get better" by Olivia Mark

I can relate to this a lot... 🥲

Anyone want to taste her pussy?

Anyone want to have a taste test or a trail run?

We ordered pizza this evening, I went to answer the door and notice the pizza delivery guy's got big. I turned around and seen my wife was still laying on the couch. I told her next time to wave him over.

Sometimes I think I'd have more friends or even a partner if I wasn't guilted and expected to watch my nephew during every minute of my free time :/

i wait

i wait by the mailbox everyday, hoping, wishing, that maybe a letter will show up. a letter professing their love back to me, their appreciation of my existence. maybe, just maybe, it's all in my head. how i'm not meant to be here. how i'm not worthy enough of being loved. of how their blank stares are just words of judgement of how i'm so much better off without them. and yeah, maybe theyre right. i am better off without them. but somehow i just can't let go. maybe, i'm used to the thorns on the stem of the flowers they give me. the dead, burnt, crisp, flowers.

I’ve gotten used to being treated this way

I’ve gotten used to being ignored, of having my hellos be greeted with rolled eyes.

I’ve gotten used to my palms being stained with ink from letters I stayed up writing until dawn, waiting by the mailbox just to never get any letters written back.

I’ve gotten used to being as nice as I can be, and getting called unauthentic.

I’ve gotten used to you ignoring me as we pass through the hallway, as I sat alone on graduation day holding my own hand because no one wanted to hold mine.

I’ve gotten used to always being the one who messages first, and waiting for a reply until a new moon passes us by.

But maybe it’s time I get used to loving myself enough, to not make myself endure all of this. When will it be my turn to grow? To be apart from your shadow? Maybe it’s time to let go.

society abandoned me. People don't even know I exist. People literally ignore me when I talk to them. Quite literally pretending I'm not there. It's literal torture. I'm seriously considering forcefully kicking the bucket early because of it.

How are people able to love each other romantically so much? How are they able to fall in love since they are in kindergarten? How are they able to find humans that they want to hold and touch and kiss on a regular basis and how they don't think about being somewhere else while doing so... How? How? How...

Is everyone just pretending? Is it that... at some point, you just stop looking? Is it that you settle? Is it that you stop hoping for a great love and you let it go? Do you love the people that you fall asleep next to? How does it look like? How does it feel like?

Is it just luck...

Are some people conditioned to want, to yearn, to wish with no place to release theyre heart? Is wanting really everything there is for some?

Even though I have new friends i still alone sometimes. Things that happen

On other news I have the autograph of a Mexican movie director. Sooo... Good week (?

Our last names are very similar. He gave a masterclass on my school. Search him up it's Carlos Carrera