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What’s Wrong With Me - Blog Posts
Man i really be in my damn head today, couldn’t tell u how many hours I’ve just been sitting doing nothing but being mentally ill about them
(● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾
Tony : I'm so happy, I could kiss you!
Steve : Um...Neat.
*later*
Steve, lying face down on his bed : I said "Neat," Bucky. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.
Bucky, reading a book : Don't beat yourself up too much, Steve. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Sam confessed his love for me?
Steve : Didn't you thank him ?
Bucky : *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked him.
Why can’t anyone like me? plenty of people love me but why am I so goddamn unlikeable? whats wrong with me what’s wrong with me? what’s wrong with me why am I doing this it won’t make me feel better what is wrong with me why do I hurt why won’t it stop why won’t the wound congeal why is it still bleeding it’s been bleeding for three years and eternity and my whole life and since this morning why won’t it heal what’s wrong with me
Why can’t you like me
Me because I’m not mentally well:
Me jumping to any content that includes a celebrity I’m obsessed with in an unhealthy amount:
I spent half the night drawing this... I'm tireddd >∆<
Am i gaslighting myself?
Early this year i was told by a doctor that i have developed a shellfish allergy, after having a few bad reactions randomly, and have since stopped eating all forms of shellfish. I used to be able to eat shellfish perfectly fine and the development of the allergy was really out of nowhere.
I wouldn’t eat any shellfish but i would feel really bad because my family now has to stop making shellfish dishes which we used to have a lot and is even more inconvenient given my other food allergies.
I would tell myself that it’s probably nothing and that i was just being over dramatic and it was probably just paranoia.
But then a couple days ago i had a really bad reaction from a shellfish cross contamination, which should prove that it’s completely real and that I’m not overreacting right? But it’s still... not that easy.
I still feel bad about having these dietary restrictions that affect the people around me and wish i could just suck it up.
do you promise to tell me every single time you have even a slight problem with anything I say or you find me even a little bit annoying or I hurt you or cause you to feel any even slight negative emotion or I ever do something that makes you love me a little bit less and do you promise to not pull your punches and really rip into me and say exactly how you feel about me even if it’s not really a big deal to you
Well obviously I can’t have chronic fatigue, that’s a real problem for real disabled people that’s diagnosed by doctors probably. Clearly I just have some sort of perpetual exhaustion issue, that is also almost certainly my fault somehow
"You'll grow out of being sensitive."
"You need to grow up and stop crying all the time."
"You can't let everything hurt you like this."
Will I really grow out of this though? It doesn't make sense. My mouth starts moving before i think, and someone says that they weren't talking to me, that I should be quiet...
And suddenly I'm six years old again, being yelled at constantly and occasionally beaten for talking too much or talking out of turn.
Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt. We're all adults and they even said it somewhat gently... So why do the tears roll?
On today's episode of "What is wrong with my mind and why am I like this?", I'm wondering why the hell I crave attention and affection from people I hate, let alone people I have a kind of parasocial hatred towards.
i feel like i'm probably chronically ill in some way, since i can't remember the last time i didn't feel like shit, but my doctor said i wasn't anemic because i've apparently got a "healthy colour", therefore my parent don't care anymore, so i guess this is another thing i can deal with later.