Actually Bpd - Blog Posts

Fucked and how. I need a vacation. Getting it. Then back to the bullshit which is my life.

Lo and Behold, the Low is here!

And so am I. Hihi.

Sigh.

My core self was quiet because I was told to be. And hence, this. Sigh. So many to blame but a lot to remedy. First, the need of the hour: removing triggers of all my illnesses. Let's get to that, yes.

Too many insights. Too many realizations. Long way to go. Sit tight. 🫠

it's breaking me to cry for nothing

no one

something I never had

and probably never would

it's a longing that has no end

no reason

- after a negative pregnancy test

I can't form so much as a tear

but I seem to be drowning still.

Three days of no meds and sleepiness and full stomach. I wonder how it would be when I start taking my meds again from tomorrow.

but being numb/feeling empty is a whole another level of worse.

sometimes the emotions get so intense that i'd rather be numb.

I can't feel the hurt or the pain,

only the excruciating absence of happiness.

Having a PMDD-esque period in sync with the depersonalisation and derealisation episode is really milking my bpd this week and it's only my first day.

More horrors to come tomorrow!

This Morning: A Thread (TW: Suicidal ideation)

My brain: Ugh, not again

How and why am I still alive?

Because I just fell asleep, it's normal

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to be here.

I cannot unalive myself here. I need to wait until I can.

I need to study, get my degree, get a job, start living alone.

Only then will I be able to end it.

Alone, alone, alone.

Yes, only a few more years.

Let's start the day.