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Empathy - Blog Posts
Bruhhhhhh are you fucking for real right now. I am grieving a BABY!
It’s with a very heavy heart that I’m asking for help and kindness from anyone that is able. My niece Luna passed away this past weekend at less than 2 months old. We are raising money to help support her family through this tragedy. Please, anything you can do to help Jenn fly her daughter home to be laid to rest will benefit greatly.
Has anyone noticed how ungodly toxic fandom is lately? Especially on TikTok. Why is the TikTok Sonic community becoming the toxic Voltron’s Legendary Defender fan base 2.0.. I literally saw a video shitting on metamy specifically because it wasn’t canon. Like isn’t the whole point of fandom to have fun? Shipping doesn’t need to be logical, it’s supposed to be fun (obviously with boundaries). It’s genuinely disappointing to see a fan base that I love so dearly fighting over simple, cute ships like that. I promise you it is NOT that deep. Looking at the comments was kind of heartbreaking as well because everyone was just shitting on ships that they didn’t like specifically because they weren’t canon or they were being absolute assholes to people who were defending the purpose of fandom itself. Don’t get me wrong, it is COMPLETELY fine to dislike a ship, but if it isn’t hurtful then you really shouldn’t say anything. If you don’t like a ship respect the other persons opinion and move on. It’s not hurting anyone. The freedom to have fun and do what you want is so important and it feels as if people have completely forgotten that is what fandom is about. It’s genuinely so sad to see how far it’s fallen atp I think the only completely non toxic communities I’ve found is the Ori franchise, niche genetics, and the majority of the Brandon Sanderson series. I’m so confused as to where and when fandom fell apart because what the hell is going on. What happened to human empathy? I have so many more examples of toxicity than just this, but literally all of it is from effing TikTok. I think we need to chill.
Just saw the most awful post under someone asking for some help paying for her childrens school supplies and clothes because she was in a rut. She also expressed working her hardest to get out of it.
People lack so much empathy for others that it literally makes me so sad. If that was them on the other side of that post they would want the understanding. But instead they resort to posting nasty things under the post. Which posting those nasty types of comments isn’t going to make nearly as big of an impact as they think.
Instead of judging people we need to support people. It really makes me doubt humanity as a whole and who we are. Like instead of breaking each other down… could we focus on building each other up! The world would be so much better if everyone was like that. But instead we’re a society who thinks that we have the right to judge and look into everyone’s life and assume that we know every single detail that makes up there story.
But we don’t. And we don’t need to. We just need to focus on spreading love and POSITIVITY 💜
To LET LOVE OVERRULE
I’ve always thought that (generally speaking) people with low or no empathy have the capability to be better/nicer people than those with empathy. Growing up without empathy means you have to learn how to be nice, to everyone, and you probably understand what kindness is more. Growing up with empathy means you never have to learn this stuff, it just comes to you naturally. And then when there’s someone they don’t feel empathy for, they aren’t able to be nice or kind to them. Because we have to learn this stuff, we do it for everyone. People who have empathy will never feel it for every single person or people who differ from them in any way, and it shows.
hey, remember that having low empathy doesn’t make you a bad or selfish person. it’s perfectly alright that your brain processes things differently.
also if you have heightened empathy, that’s also okay! you’re not over-sensitive, too emotional, or weak just cause you feel things different
there’s a lot of diversity in people and i think society really tends to dumb it down and assign people labels. and a lot of times that can be harmful and show no understanding of the nuances behind behavior. so if you’re struggling with this: i love you! you’re doing fine
Being
I love being me. I love being. I get to feel and experience the things around me. I get to make friends and do whatever I put my mind to. I have to power to make what I want happen. I can only do that If I can be. I can only do as much as I have if I’m breathing, if I’m waking, if I’m embracing myself the purest, most honest form of myself. I can only do this if I remember that I, and the rest of us, are human; are being. Just like me.
I recently had an epiphany about the nature of adulthood. It's kind of like an oak tree.
In botany, the term "tree" does not describe a type of plant. In fact, many different plant groups have evolved into "trees". The term "tree" is a description of a shape/lifestyle that plants can take so you wouldn't really call a freshly sprouted acorn a tree yet. It is a sapling. I think adulthood is similar but kind of the opposite.
Adulthood is not a description of shape but a description of behavior. I have seen many adults who still acted quite childishly and many supposed children who act very adult-like. And no I am not meaning adults who have fun or otherwise don't fit society's arbitrary description of adult behavior.
To better define it, adult behaviors are ones that are motivated by an understanding of the existence of self, and an understanding of the existence of others.
Adults understand that they, themselves, do exist. They understand that they can perform actions that will change their environment. They know that those actions will have consequences. They know that those consequences will, in turn, impact themselves. I have seen many adult-shaped people who did not understand this and thus acted as though they were not under the effect of their own actions, which is untrue. I have also seen many adult-shaped people who acted as though they could not perform any actions to cause a change in their environment which is untrue. Both of these behaviors are very childish.
But to clarify, I am not talking about people who are struggling. I am not talking about people who don't know what to do. I am not talking about people who are trapped in terrible situations with little chance of escaping without outside help. I am saying that if you are asking questions like "What will I do?" or "What am I doing?" or "How will I get out of this?", then, by those very questions, you are displaying one-half of the mentality that proves that you are an adult.
The other half is the understanding of the existence of other people. Other people exist, and on the surface, many adult-shaped people will claim to understand this, but they don't understand it. They know it, and they hate it. They disregard or don't understand the fact that other people exist and are just like themselves. They are people who can affect their world and cause change, who have their own view of the world and feel things just like everyone else.
It is the combination of these lines of thought that leads to more adultlike thinking. Such complex thoughts like "If other people exist and are as unique as I am, then I have probably felt things that other people haven't felt, and other people have felt things that I could never understand. Both of these things co-exist and are both okay. Experiences that I don't understand are still valid." This kind of thinking is what makes you an adult. If you cannot think like this then you are not an adult, but an adult-shaped child.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Critique away.
Being an older sibling, and seeing a younger sibling upset will never stop being painful.
It only adds to the pain when you aren't equally close to all of them, and the one with the most distance is the one in need of help.
We've never been overly close, and they seldom, if ever, come to me for help. Our parents were more gentle raising them, so they grew up healthier and more independent. That's a bit of a double edged sword, though. I could at least try to calm the others down and encourage them, but not this time. They probably don't want me to, and I wouldn't know how, even if they did.
It's strange how people who grew up in such close quarters, with the same parents have such drastically different connections with each other. The rest of us a close-knit clique, with a thin, frail connection to that island. It's not like any of us deliberately excluded each other growing up, and it's not like any of us saw it coming. It's no fault of our own, and it's upsetting, but that's the way things came out.
Sometimes we need to make a conscious effort to have faith in others. To see things from another perspective.
“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion - and where it isn’t, that’s where my work lies.”
— Ram Dass
Love Covers a Multitude Of Sins
Realising that all behaviour is the result of a complex web of cause and effect invites us to embrace a deeper understanding and forgiveness for ourselves and others.
While the specifics of each reaction may elude our understanding, shaped as they are by our own singular journeys—we can find peace in the knowledge that everything reflects this universal principle and grounds our relationships in the reality that non of us are right or wrong, allowing us to see the reflections of our shared humanity in one another’s actions.
A friend once said “the ground is shifting under her”
At first I didn’t quite get it but now I think I do.
The ground shifting is when your sense of safety, be it a job, a house or a relationship is unraveling and definite change is inevitable.
And in those moments, where everything seems so unsteady and uncertain, where do we find comfort?
Some say you should embrace the discomfort and I think there is some truth in that, I think it’s also weird so what else? Radical acceptance maybe? Or finding snippets of joy in what you can and hold on for dear life.
I am still figuring it out as my own ground is also shifting
All the World's a Mimicry
All the World's a Mimicry
Forging human connections is like running a makeshift theater academy. At times, a man briefly stages in his head the turmoil ravaging another person’s mind. At times, he recalls and mentally rehearses scenes that have brought someone in those shoes a little cheer. Then he walks onto a visible stage, located wherever the other party can be reached, and re-enacts the soothing gestures that show…
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I am proposing something more like a founding myth for an aspect of the way our minds are set up. I am sitting in a coffee shop full of predators. They eat animal flesh, they have the binocular vision typical of animals that need to focus on and assess prey from afar, from a still vantage point. They manipulate one another expertly - they manipulate millions, organizing each other into tribes, cities, armies, nations. They use each other. They might have any of a thousand reasons for saying something, other than the truth. And yet, they are the most compassionate animals ever seen. One reason for an animal to evolve a capacity to think about other animals is in order to benefit from cooperation within a herd. There is (also) a very different reason evolution would favor a faculty for understanding other animals: to prey on them. If you want to hunt and eat other agents, it helps to be able to predict their behavior - so you model it. Humans are... an animal with these twin drives. The ability to receive signals from a member of the herd empathetically, and the ability to model the behavior of another agent predatorily. Being modeled explicitly as a system with inputs, outputs, and predictable behavior can creep people out. This contributes to the strong negative responses to attempts to learn social skills by building an explicit model of social interactions. Acting, not quickly and spontaneously, but slowly, deliberately, thinking about a problem for a long time before making a move. It seems like the sort of thing a person would do - not to someone they wanted to cooperate with - but someone they wanted to eat. It feels like having a single set of eyes, close together with binocular predator vision, silently watching you. A solo predator and a herd animal, inextricably connected together, in our more reflective moments not always sure we can trust ourselves even to be good to our friends, not sure we can trust others to be what they say they are, and yet, something in this unusual combination lets us fake it, lets us approximate what it might be, to be a mind that truly loves another.
Benjamin R. Hoffman ‘The Predator in the Herd’
There is a long time since the last time I did anything recklessly. Since I can remember I have something, some problem, some idea, anything that I might have to deal with, occupying my mind and taking me from the things I like to do. Hobbies, I mean.
However, lately, thanks to quarantine, I've been able to do this things. I've been watching many movies, which might seem normal but I didn't used to do as much since I was too worried about getting enough sleep, working out, going to college, getting my driver's license and all of those ordinary things. I have, also, started to read a book or two, didn't finish any - you see, reading on the internet era is a little bit complicated. I've been definitely taking better care of myself. My self-esteem, my health, my relation with my family.
I found myself to be so deeply immerse on my daily life problems that I forgot how to be a living been, I was so worried about being "healthy", getting good grades this semester and doing my best to eventually have a future that I forgot about the present.
This quarantine has been - at least for myself - quite good. I've been more self conscious, could realize how I was without knowing suffering from an ED, could realize how my mom can be here now but since she is older might not be in here for much longer (let's give some 25years), could realize how your plans for the future might not happen and how you should find a way to enjoy what you have and what you can for sure have. I don't know, even if everything changes somehow, even if my plans of 6 months ago don't happen, I know, today, that I can adapt, I can change the course of my life and always be a new and better me. All I need to do is stop and look at myself.
Long time no see
Leftist infighting almost killed me (Broke Bread)
Leftist who Socially policing flawed (marginalized) people / content creators online up to the point of practically trying to ruin their livelihoods, isn’t Liberation, it’s harassment and just makes you not only expose your internalized classism but a bully who loves to create drama for personal gain.
Source: via pinterest.com
Source: The Mind's Journal via Pinterest
10 Signs You May Be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
March 5, 2019
In a world where being sensitive is misinterpreted as being fragile or weak, many people tend to avoid there feelings and hide their sensitivity. We live in a time where society encourages us to run away from our genuine emotions and we are told to toughen up.
As HSPs, we tend to struggle with this because we have such sensitive nervous systems.This is not an indication, however, that HSPs are weak or damaged individuals.
Highly sensitive people are genetically wired to have finally tuned nervous systems and can easily be over stimulated by various factors(both external and internal stimuli).
Being on the receiving end of an excessive amount stimuli can be very overwhelming and stressful for HSPs. Being wired differently than most of the population can also make it difficult for HSPs to feel validated and understood. It can also make an HSP more prone to a number of physical and emotional issues. It's no wonder so many HSPs tend to need more time to retreat and spend more time alone than other's.
I know all too well how it feels to feel too much and suffer from various ailments ranging from depression and anxiety to chronic fatigue syndrome. I've always felt misunderstood or judged by many people. If you are going through anything like this, I'm here to assure you that you are not alone.
Fortunately, there are a variety of resources and tools that can help HSPs survive and thrive. I honestly don't know where I would be if I didn't learn about my HSP traits as well as related topics to the HSP.
Although I am still a work in progress, discovering that I'm a highly sensitive person and learning ways to work with this trait, has helped me become more self aware. It helped me realize that I needed to do more self care and enforce boundaries when needed. It helped me realize I need to stop being so hard on myself. It has also lead me to make connections to other related topics and have a better understanding of why I'm the way I am. Learning about all this has also helped me realize that being an HSP does not make me an incredibly flawed individual and has lead me to realize that I am not alone. Learning about being the HSP has also helped me find new ways of making my life more manageable.
In the next section, I wrote a list of 10 signs that you or someone you know may be a highly sensitive person. Not everyone will identify with every trait and having a small amount of traits is not an indication of being an HSP. I know there are many ways to list HSP traits and many of the traits overlap, so I summed up a variation of common traits into a list of 10 signs. Following are 10 signs that you or someone you know may be a highly sensitive person.
10 Signs You May Be A Highly Sensitive Person
1. You are Hypersensitive To The Physical Environment (Including To Noise, Sight, Touch, Smell, Taste, and Tempurature)
i.e. You may be hyperensitive to bright lights or noisy crowds. You may also embrace and appreciate positive sensory stimuli more than other's and may be more in touch with a beautiful work of art or be musically inclined. You may also prefer to be in nature.
2. You are More Emotionally Sensitive Than Most People and Have Been Told You Are "Too Sensitive"
i.e. You have felt misunderstood or have been told you are overly sensitive and that you need to grow "thicker skin". Some HSPs feel the need to avoid watching violent movies due to a high sensitivity to violence. Highly sensitive people also suffer from emotional issues such as depression and anxiety. On the other hand, being sensitive can be linked to that spark of creativity HSPs often experience.
3. Avoids Conflicts
Many HSPs fear making mistakes and fear rejection. There is also a tendancy toward perfectionism and avoidant behaviors. Many highly sensitive people are conscientious and have self esteem issues. An HSP may have a preference for introversion. HSPs tend to have difficulty making decisions or a tendency to procrastinate. Because many HSPs easily suffer from sensory overload, retreating alone in a peaceful environment can help HSPs recharge and feel less overwhelmed.
4. You Easily Pick Up On Other's Moods/ Behaviors (Or May Be Empathic)
This can lead to feeling emotionally overwhelmed, stressed, and can be very draining for HSPs. It may also be linked to various physical ailments such as having physical pain or fatigue. Being highly sensitive may also be linked to why so many HSPs are empathic and are more in tune with the needs of other's, including animals. They often are seen working in the helping professions or doing humanitarian work.
5. Intuitive
Many highly sensitive people tend to connect ideas and patterns that other's seem to miss. This may lead to being misunderstood by other's. It may also be why so many HSPs have been known to be innovative or create great works of art. HSPs often have the ability of finding new ways to solve problems.
6. Highly Imaginative
Highly sensitive people often have a rich or overactive inner world. This may be related to why HSPs tend to over think or over analyze situations. This may be a reason why highly sensitive people tend to worry a lot and may easily jump to conclusions about things. Highly sensitive people tend to daydream and may appear inattentive or "spacey" to non HSPs. On the same note, having a rich imagination can also spark creativity.
7. Sensitive To Energies
This may lead to over stimulation or feeling uncomfortable in an environment or around certain people or circumstances. This can occur because many HSPs may easily sense the vibes of a room or person. HSPs also tend to be spiritual and may be spiritually sensitive. Energy sensitivity can be a very enjoyable experience if the HSP is in tune with positive energies.
8. Difficulty Sleeping
With all the various stimuli emerging from various sources to the HSPs sensitive nervous system, it is no wonder HSPs are prone to overthinking and feeling. It is also no surprise that many HSPs suffer from sleep issues such as insomnia.
9. Attract Toxic Relationships
Many HSPs tend to attract toxic people such as narcissists or other unavailable people. This is definately where awareness and boundaries may come in hand. Although toxic people are often drawn to HSPs, a variety of people are also drawn to high sensitives in general. Many people are drawn to the caring and understanding nature of HSPs and turn to them for helping assistance, guidance, or for someone to confide in.
10. Do Not Like Being Micromanaged/Judged
Highly sensitive people tend to br hypervigilent to other's behaviors/cues and can easily become uncomfortable or anxious when it feels as if we are being observed under a microscope. This can negatively effect an HSPs performance or functioning, which can make matters worse.
Hopefully this post has been helpful in some way or has helped you recognize that you or someone you know is a highly sensitive person. Identifying as an HSP is one of the first steps to changing ones life for the better! So... Are you a highly sensitive person? Feel free to let me know in the comments. Thankyou and I will post again soon!
With love,
Dahlia
Photo Sources: Pinterest.com
Source: celfie-s.tumblr.com via Pinterest.com
Surviving Other People’s Shit: 10 Self Compassionate “I” Existence Affirmations to Get Out and Stay Out of Manipulative Control.
1 - I am free to personally like and dislike whoever it is that I choose, regardless of what other people think.
2 - I do not have to tolerate or accept repeated abusive behaviour in my life based on the abusers state of mind or personal well being.
3 - There are no rules when it comes to who I must, and who I must not allow in my personal space, except for my own.
4 - As an independent adult or young adult, I understand that what I do in my personal life, does not have to be based on what another person insists that I do, or else there will be consequences.
5 - I am allowed to say no.
6 - I am free to choose which invites to attend or not attend.
7 - I might have accepted a gift, but this does not bind me to the givers will.
8 - I can choose to have different beliefs and values than others, and still get along in the world.
9 - I am beautiful, no matter what they say (thank you xtina :))
10 - I am free to have whatever feelings that I have in any given moment, and pledge to manage these feelings in the safest, best possible way that supports the ultimate value of my existence.
Stay excellent :)
The Scales of Empathy and Narcissism.
Having a strong sense of self is really important. Not having it means getting easily swept away in other peoples intentions, and not realising until later on.
What well meaning “trust your gut” and “engage your empathy” people do not understand is that when empathy is overly high, a sense of self is lacking, and there is no “trust your gut”, there is only the other person, making it impossible to feel or see what is going on in real time.
It is for this reason that I created this simple scale, which I call The Scales of Empathy and Narcissism. I like the idea of balance, but would like to point out that this tool would be used in a non obsessive way as something to refer to in the need of self reflection or understanding a situation. Put simply, it is a self development tool.
Each side are the total extremes of what they are, with a nice, easy going balance found somewhere in the middle.
Empathy <---- balanced -----> Narcissism
Over Caring <---- balanced ----> Under Caring
Oneness <---- balanced ----> Individuality
Humility <---- balanced ----> Arrogance
Using this basic scale on an inward basis means that I can see where I myself might be tilting towards less than optimal living, and when observing somebody else, or someone that I am just not quite sure about, the scale serves to remind me of the real world dangers of continuing any interaction with that person, or even business and establishment.
I find it is a good tool for looking at my own sense of self and understanding where my habitual tilt is so that I could understand more, and recognise who I really am as opposed to what any serial projectors might be saying.
The real key to all of the extremes on the scale is in the first one. By finding a comfortable place of balance that is suited to who you are as an individual person, an optimal way of living can be found.. after all, too much of anything can be a bad thing.
Stay excellent :-)
© Saturday 19th Feb 2022
Dreamwork, the Beauty and the Boundary Violation
Dreamwork is an interesting area of human life that easily gets caught up in a nightmare, so I wanted to write a short bit about that today and define what dreams (and nightmares) are, which can sometimes help stop the fall.
Dreams (and nightmares) are the brains way of resolving things that have not been processed in waking time. It is a bit like doing a format or defragging of a hard drive, sorting out the bits and pieces that either didn’t make a connection, or were just not sorted into the correct place so that they could be moved on from. In machines, that is processing. We are not machines, but as humans, it is pretty much the same processing story for us, with the exception that we are feeling beings, and that we get mystified by things sometimes.
Working out our dreams is something that we can all learn to do, and for those who can look objectively, whilst utilising empathy and an understanding of psychology, Dreamwork with others can be really eye opening for the receiver. The best part however, is that once you have started to work with someone else on Dreamwork, it becomes impossible to not then go forward in being able to realise the individual meaning of dreams for one’s self.
There is another side to the coin though. Dreamwork is a largely overlooked area for potential abuse that is worth remembering, in case it starts happening to ourselves or someone else that we love or care about deeply. Such an open, repeated vision into the boundaries of the personal psyche should only be shared with those that we undoubtedly know that we can trust.
Marriage and Health: Supporting a spouse's health challenges
In the journey of marriage, couples pledge to stand by each other in sickness and in health. The commitment to support a spouse during health challenges is a testament to the depth of their love and the strength of their bond. In this article, we explore the profound significance of supporting a spouse’s health challenges, emphasizing the role of empathy, patience, and unwavering dedication in…
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The Balance Between Realistic and Unrealistic Relationship Expectations
Entering a relationship often comes with a set of expectations, shaped by personal experiences, societal influences, and media portrayals of love. However, the line between realistic and unrealistic expectations can be blurry. Understanding this distinction is crucial for fostering healthy, fulfilling relationships. This article explores the differences between realistic and unrealistic…
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The Heartbeat of Connection - Understanding the Role of Empathy in Relationships
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, is often referred to as the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. In relationships, empathy acts as a bridge, connecting individuals on a profoundly deep level. It goes beyond mere understanding; it involves feeling with someone, experiencing their joys and sorrows as if they were your own. This article delves into the vital…
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Marriage Intimacy Maintenance - Strengthening the Emotional Bond
Marriage, a union of two individuals bound by love, commitment, and shared dreams, is a journey that evolves over time. Just as a garden requires constant care to flourish, so does a marriage need dedicated attention to maintain its intimacy. In a world where the demands of modern life can often overshadow the emotional bonds between partners, nurturing and sustaining intimacy becomes a vital…
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