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Peter Parker - Blog Posts
No Way Home screening was cancelled due to sound issues and saw this in the lobby
Wow, this really would’ve had me crying for at least ten full minutes two years and some odd months ago. Huh.
To wipe out half of the universe with the snap of his fingers
This is the best thing I’ve woken up to a while.
MJ: Hey don’t forget about Spider-idiot. Ned and I have split custody over him.
Ned: He’s an idiot white boy but we still love him.
Peter:
*Wong showing Rhodey around the sanctum*
Wong: This is the Wand of Watoomb. This is the cloak of Levitation. This is my idiot white boy.
Stephen:
Rhodey: Oh you got one too? There’s my idiot white boy over there.
Tony:
Ned: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with MJ recently.
Peter: No, Ned, it's not what it looks like, I swear.
Ned: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?
Peter: No! You’re the only one for me.
Ned: Is that so?
Peter: I promise! MJ and I are just dating, okay? She's my girlfriend.
Ned: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Peter: You are still my one and only best friend! She's just the love of my life, nothing more!
Ned: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?
Peter: Of course bro!
Ned: Bro...
MJ: What the-
I don’t want his memories to come back, I want them to be reunited.
The finale product of my art challenge 👌😎 tap or click image for a better look
Day 5: spiderman we made it the last drawing of my art challenge video on TikTok!
Be sure to follow me on TikTok as well as my tumblr! 😎👌
Fans: Marvel!
C'mon, let him rest!
Tony needs this!
Marvel: 'kay
*kills him *
Fans: *crying *
MARVEL, NO!
---
Stucky shippers(me too): Marvel, Steve needs to spend his life with someone that he loves...
Y'know?
Marvel: Yup.
*Endgame's final scene *
Stucky shippers: ...
YOU MADE BUCKY SAD---
----
Fans: Irondad and Spiderson in the Endgame, please!
Marvel: "Mister Stark, it's me!
It's Peter!"
"We won, mister Stark!"
"Please don't go, Tony!"
Fans:*crying a lot * NOOO!
---
Fans: Loki in the Endgame!
Marvel: *just 2012!Loki*
Fans: Uh...
Where's Loki? Like...
The one from the future.
Marvel: You know, he died
He's dead
No Loki
Fans: But the sun---
Marvel: No sun
Fans: ...why?...
Spider-man
Why you joined Tumblr
Reblog this and say in three words or less what led you to join Tumblr.
Peter: Loki! Violence isn’t the answer
Loki: I’m a god. Therefore I have the authority to say it is.
Peter: *pauses* Can’t argue with that logic
Tony: oh no
Loki at Midtown Tech: I have come to kidnap my adopted gremlin friend
Office Lady: I’m not sure who you mean. Would you like to ask over the PA system?
Loki: I would love too.
Loki into the mic: Hey gremlin, we’re gonna fight a god and kick his ass. And then we’re gonna cause mischief with the vent bird
Meanwhile in Peter’s classroom
Teacher: Well that was weird. Probably someone playing a prank...Peter, why are you getting up?
Peter: I’m gonna fight a god, kick ass and cause mischief with the vent bird. It helps a snake and spider de-stress.
Teacher: You know what? I don’t care anymore. “Fight a god” as long as you get your work done.
Ned after a moment: snake... snake... Wait, does that mean that was Loki?!
Mr Harrington at decathlon: You’re all wonderful people so I don’t think any of you have ever broken another person’s bones before
Peter and MJ look at each: About that...
Harrington: Okay, I kinda expected MJ but Peter?! Why are you breaking people’s bones?
Peter: Cause fighting non lethally is hard without breaking bones. I either break bones or I kill them
Harrington having a panic attack: Okay. Okay. This is normal. Trauma forces people to make bad choices.
MJ: I’m proud of you loser.
Flash: whatthefuckwhatthefuck
Teacher: I think it’s a reasonable assumption that none of you have ever been shot.
Peter: Umm...
Teacher: Apparently I was wrong. Peter, what the fuck?
Peter: Hehe. Funny story. *jumps out the window*
Ned: Pfft- He’s out of here
Teacher: Do you know how he got shot?
Ned: Uh... *nyooms out the door*
Peter talking to a tired Thor: So what’s Loki to you?
Thor: The reason I get up in the morning...
Peter: Really?! That’s cool
What Heimdall watched happen:
Loki: Hey...
Brother
Thor: *continues snoring*
Loki: Blergh *stabs him*
I never sleep cause of you
Ned: How come humans don’t lick to show affection?
MJ: Lesbians do
Peter coughing after choking on his saliva: W-what?!
MJ: You heard me
Ned dying of laughter and with an accent: It is what it is
Peter our as Spider-Man talking to a criminal: Where can I find a wheelchair?
Criminal who’s rant was interrupted: What? Why?
Peter: Cause I can’t stand bullshit
A stranger cat calling MJ: Hey gorgeous. Want me to teach you something?
MJ: Sure. I’ve always wanted to know whether someone can die of constipation.
Stranger: Uhhh. What?
MJ: Will you die of constipation?
Stranger:
MJ: Cause you’re full of shit
Peter and Ned laughing: You killed him
Tony scolding Peter for doing stupid and dangerous things on patrol: Why?! You’re going to get yourself killed!
Peter and Loki: Here for a good time not a long time
Shuri coming in with a bottle of bleach: I was summoned and I brought drinks.
MJ: Hey losers. Give me an honest answer on how much you hate Flash.
Peter: It cannot be represented by mortal means
Ned: I-
MJ:...That’s fair
Peter: Hey Clint, you’re an ass ass in right?
Clint: What?
Peter: You’re an ass ass in?
Clint: Kid, I have no idea what you’re trying to say
Tony while facepalming: He means assassin
Peter: MJ is so cute. *sigh*
Ned: ...She just...stabbed Flash for bullying you...
Peter: I said cute not harmless.
MJ: You do know I can hear you?
Peter:
Ned:
MJ: Thanks Loser
Don’t normally do this but the song made my day.
@everyscript
Peter, randomly quoting the internet: Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in fruit salad.
Tony, sleep deprived: That makes ketchup a smoothie.
Clint, for once actually knowing something: Too much sugar! It’s actually soda.
Natasha, exasperated and tired of everyone’s shit: Common sense is knowing that ketchup is neither a smoothie or a soda. It’s also knowing not to piss off an assassin for something as foolish as this at two in the morning.
Responding to a kidnapping attempt part 1:
Tony:
Peter:
Bruce:
Natasha:
Clint:
Thor:
Steve:
Bucky:
Sam:
Loki:
Avengers play Cards Against Humanity
Since the last one was well received here's part two
Black Card: You know who else liked ______? Hitler.
Loki: Eradicating the jews
Steve: Mass Genocide
Peter: Veganism
Hope: Nazis
Scott: Bees
Natasha: White privilege
Clint: Chunks of dead backpacker
Harley: Daniel Radcliffe's delectable arsehole
Shuri: Praying the gay away
T'challa: Restoring Germany to it's former glory
Tony: A reason not to commit suicide
Bruce: Auschwitz
Sam: God
Bucky: Poorly timed holocaust jokes
Pepper: Seeing things from Hitler's perspective
Rhodey: Suicidal thoughts
Thor: Vikings
Wanda: It's hard to decide... "You know who else liked veganism? Hitler" is my favourite. Peter wins.
Do you guys want to chose the winners? And yes, there are going to be more of these cards against humanity. Send me other people you want to play too.
Avengers play Cards Against Humanity
Black Card: _____ that's how I want to die
Tony: Alcoholism
Steve: Doing the right thing
Peter: Vigilante justice
Natasha: Pretending to be one of the guys but actually being the spider god
Bruce: Science
Clint: The biggest blackest dick
Thor: Powerful thighs
Harley: Poor life choices
Scott: A fully dressed female video game character
Shuri: The entire internet
Hope: Multiple stab wounds
Bucky: The Great Depression
Sam: A perfectly cylindrical vagina
T'challa: Depression
Pepper: Dying
Rhodey: Being black
Wanda: Being a motherfucking sorcerer
Loki as Czar: '...Being a motherfucking sorcerer, that's how I want to die.'... Preach.
Scott: Don't you just hate that situation when you're picking up your bags from the airport, and everyone's luggage is better than yours?
Peter: A worst-case scenario
Tony: Sorry can’t relate
Sam: That’s because you’re in the best-case scenario
The spider that bit Peter Parker’s was from a cross-species genetics lab right? Think of the possibilities for fanfiction and headcanons.
P.S. I’m starting an au oneshot book about this. It doesn’t exist yet though. It will be on Wattpad because I can’t find my drafts on Tumblr ever. @adopted_by_hestia is the account
Bucky: I only just met Peter but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone here and hunt down whoever did it brutally and efficiently
Spider-Man! I bet he has terrible hat hair