Sad Thoughts - Blog Posts

There is pain in acceptance. It's a stage of grief for a reason, I suppose...

"Wow, your glasses really suit your face!"

Thanks but please don't say that right after I took them off

As It Was by Harry Styles and Nothing's New by Rio Romeo are both opposites of each other and somehow still feel like personal attacks against me.

As they repeat the same line over and over again I feel this sinking feeling of misery and nostalgia at once.

The best songs can rip you apart or put you back together.

Lurking at the border of thoughts that should not have crawled their way in

you think that you would like to take the knife and thrust it through the place near your throat and heart. you ponder how much force it would take just to pierce the skin. how much would you have to dig until the sharp edges collide with bones and rip away blood vessels. how much until warm blood pools on the floor. how much until you can tug your heart out of the body and throw it away. just so in hopes that this all consuming black hole that has rooted in there and is slowly crawling all over your lungs will be cut apart from you.

again and again, you wonder, how much will it take until it reaches the edge?

archive photo I took on my birthday in 2020. shot on iPhone 5s. 15.11.2020

I wish I can go back in time, this was the best moment in my life. It was a little bit cringe, but I was truly happy at my bday

I’m very thankful to my friends who make me happy. Special thanks to @no-name-rukazgop

and also, besides sad thoughts. this photo was taken on iPhone 5s and it looks more natural than on my iPhone X

My father told me Pink Floyd didn’t come to my country (on David’s era) (though they did never come here😭) because David said that the lights of my whole country would go off with their light show.

Third world country struggles everyone! (I think they could do a show with so many things now. Many bands did.)

Anyways, I wonder If the lights would have actually gone off….

Ojalá todo se arregle y no sea el fin por que como dijeron en la casa de las flores

"A LA FINAL TODO VA A ESTA BIEN Y SI NO ESTÁ BIEN ES POR QUE NO ES EL FINAL"😴💔🙈💫

¿Es una historia que llegó a su fin?

Una historia que por ahora no se sabe si existirá una segunda parte, donde el amor de los estelares se unen una vez más porque “el amor lo puede todo”.

O tal vez… Esta historia que estaba llena de fantasías románticas acaba con la cruda realidad donde todo termina y la pareja que se amaba con tanta pasión e intensidad se separa para siempre.

-Ay, Carolina.

would you still want me if you realise that i’m just a melancholic girl with issues and weird interests?

my soul hurts when i’m on my way to school and walk past a group of people who are going to the beach.

i’m tired of feeling like i’ll always be unwanted and alone.

i can’t take this anymore.

Why did it have to feel like this?

having no tasty cheese is like experiencing a sensation that resembles being punched in the gut. today i have been punched in the gut several times, consequently as many times as i have opened the refrigerator.

My poor cuppy :(

I’m sure many are affected by the news we’ve received as of late. This does hurt, if you did not know this person that’s okay as well. The event has been occurring time and time again with people of all sides. I’m sure you can relate to a time of mental challenge. Maybe you’re going through them right now. Reach out! It’s okay. We must prevent this from happening, for the sake of all. Young children to tend to young adults and adults to older adults. From people struggling in school or career or their marriage/ relationship or with themselves. We have so much power at the tip of our fingers. Use it in a good way. I hope this message is reached by many more.

I’m sure many are affected by the news we’ve received as of late. This does hurt, if you did not know this person that’s okay as well. The event has been occurring time and time again with people of all sides. I’m sure you can relate to a time of mental challenge. Maybe you’re going through them right now. Reach out! It’s okay. We must prevent this from happening, for the sake of all. Young children to tend to young adults and adults to older adults. From people struggling in school or career or their marriage/ relationship or with themselves. We have so much power at the tip of our fingers. Use it in a good way. I hope this message is reached by many more.

And I felt it— the weight that kept me in bed, a heavy stone on my back.

My mom had paid hefty fees for private school, but even that couldn’t make me smile— or, to say it right, help me understand myself.

Worse, my dad loved me, but even with what others yearned for, I was no happier than them.

So, in my bed, I realized— I had to find myself, to accept myself, to love myself first, before the other loves could truly reach me.

And maybe then, I could pursue the happiness I wanted. As hard as it might be, the stars had assured me— it was a hopeful gamble, maybe.

She was covered in flowers, blooms of every scent and hue. Yet, she was so alone— the kind of loneliness that could kill. Imagine tombstones, not of the forgotten, but of the murdered, adorned with flowers of all sorts. People had spoiled her with flowers.

Meaning of words.

You said then

that

my love murders

you in a beautiful

way

and that you don't

think of an

existence without

it

so in that i

thought you

would go extinct

upon our failure.

But as time grows

all i have seen is a you

blooming.

Was it a lie ?

and my love

was totally a nothing

to you ?

please

please  tell

me

and tell

the one

murdering you

now

not to highly think

of things for

all of it is

just a jumble of

words.

Meaning of words.

You said then

that

my love murders

you in a beautiful

way

and that you don't

think of an

existence without

it

so in that i

thought you

would go extinct

upon our failure.

But as time grows

all i have seen is a you

blooming.

Was it a lie ?

and my love

was totally a nothing

to you ?

please

please  tell

me

and tell

the one

murdering you

now

not to highly think

of things for

all of it is

just a jumble of

words.

What's heartbreaking is, that some don't even understand the love they demand and desire to be given and this has tremendously led to more oceans of sorrow and unbearable pain.

Is it human to destroy hearts in the seek for love ? Why isn’t it immoral not to love as you are loved ?

Maybe the only lesson life has for us is love for what we were, for what we are, and for what waits, even as we slip into whatever comes after.

A dangerous you and a confused me met, what would the results be ? A match made from hell.

Myself is crippling me, myself is a critic that always it has to find a negative thing to say about me. Myself is fear and the purpose of me has always been to overcome it.

art by @kmcvisuals

The guilt that comes with grieving.

I lost my grandfather about a month ago, and now all I can think about every day is that I should have listened to his stories more. I should have spent more time with him. I should have cared more. I hate my younger self for not showing him how much I loved and appreciated him. I was only a kid, but I still feel so much guilt.

He had dementia and yet his face would light up whenever we saw him. He knew who we were up until his last day's and the way he reacted showed us how much he loved us but I don't think I'll get over the fact that I didn't love him enough until it was too late.

For the past couple of years, he has been my favourite person. I learnt more about him within three years than I did my whole life and the things I learnt about his childhood made me hate myself even more. He went through so much and dedicated his adulthood to making sure his children and grandchildren had better parental figures than he did.

I love him so much, but I will always be afraid that I loved him too late.

I can never explain what is happening in my mind

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

crying over exactly 2 sotr edits at 2 am rn

Choas of thoughts

Sitting alone in the dark brooding night

The party in full swing yet she's left out

The nicotine in her system

Along with dreams and hopes

But she's never satisfied

Now she can't hear her thoughts

Because in her head chaos is rooted

Turning to leave or to leap into desperation

But she's fine because she knows

She knows the sting of thorns of love

She knows her drugs

She knows her love

All the pills she is high on

All the nights she'd spent crying

She knows her addiction

She knows her desperation

So she is going back

Back to where she started of.

And now my tears won't stop because I'm melancholic tonight. Because I feel incomplete tonight.