Latest Posts by thealmightyrat - Page 3

the thing about time loop jokes is, sure, they may be repetitive, but they never get old

Sure, call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe a healthy sexual relationship requires transparency. This is why I only fuck ghosts.

I wish I could be a girl, and that way you’d wish I could be your

every time i type five or more exclamation marks i think of this quote. it's my equivalent to that damn bbc sherlock line about scratch marks around the phone charging port. i can never escape the spectre of terry pratchett judging my punctuation habits

The reason it is warmer today is because Henry Kissinger is burning in hell

My doctor says all the black mold in my body came from a single expired gram cracker which i just think is fascinating

Odysseus' Strategy Notebook

PLAN TO DEFEAT THE TROJANS

Build giant wooden horse and hide inside it

PLAN TO DEFEAT THE CYCLOPS

Build giant wooden horse spear and hide inside it stab the cyclops with it

PLAN TO ESCAPE THE CYCLOPS' CAVE

Build giant wooden horse and hide inside it

Build giant wooden SHEEP and hide inside it

Build a bunch of normal-sized sheep and hide in those

Skin real sheep and use them to make incredibly realistic sheep costumes

Ride the sheep out of the cave but upside-down so he doesn't find us

PLAN TO DEFEAT THE LASTER LAESYTR LESTRYG CANNIBAL GIANTS

Build giant wooden horse and hide inside it

Build giant wooden cannibal giant and hide inside it

Build giant wooden RUN

PLAN TO DEFEAT THE WITCH

Build giant wooden horse and hide inside it

Build giant wooden pig and hide inside it?

Build giant wooden d go with Hermes' plan

PLAN TO DEFEAT SCYLLA

Build giant wooden horse and hide inside it

Build wooden decoy sailors and hope she eats those DID NOT WORK

PLAN TO STOP MEN FROM EATING SACRED CATTLE

Build giant wooden horse and hide inside it

Build giant wooden cow and trick the men into eating it

Take a nap and come up with a better plan

PLAN TO ESCAPE CALYPSO'S ISLAND

Build giant wooden horse and hide inside it

Build wooden decoy statue of me and put it in her bed

Build giant wooden d

PLAN TO KEEP ODYSSEUS HERE FOREVER

Steal strategy notebook

Check for splinters just in case

PLAN TO SNEAK BACK INTO THE PALACE

Build giant wooden h

Disguise self as giant wooden beggar normal old beggar OKAY I GET IT NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A GIGANTIC WOODEN REPLICA I GET IT ALREADY sheesh Athena

GET THE SUITORS OFF MY BACK, PLAN B (THANKS A LOT MELANTHO)

Announce that I will marry whoever can string my husband's bow and shoot through wait this isn't my notebook

PLAN TO KILL THE SUITORS wait who scribbled in my notebook

Reading a Terry Pratchett book is literally just: Here's a funny little joke Here's something that you can tell is a joke but don't get and will only figure out five years later Here's a surprisingly cool fantasy concept Here's a unique and well written simile Here's a lil guy Here's something that has aged depressingly well into the modern day Here's something that has aged remarkably queer into the modern day Here's a character that you can barely understand what he's saying Here is the most terrifying and deeply disturbing concept you have ever heard, casually mentioned Here is the dumbest fucking pun you've ever heard but in the best way Here is a quote so profound that it makes you view morality and the world in a different way Here is a plot twist that you can't tell if it's genius or stupid Congratulations! You've finished the book! It has fundamentally changed you as a person and you will never be the same!

Will Wood archive channels are wild cause one video will be like a 9 second recording of a concert from 2016 showing this man wearing like seven layers of eyeliner and mascara, no shirt, and has bleached his hair an unnatural blonde banging on his keyboard while screaming about drugs, skeletons, and suicide and then the next video will be this guy who looks like he majors in philosophy and computer science with an oversized ukulele telling people that he is doing well in therapy

i've seen Discworld fans discussing various dream casts and wishes for how they'd adapt it and that's great and all but i feel like we're missing the obvious answer?

there's one way to do a Discworld adaptation and it's

muppets

Vetinari in Feet Of Clay is so fucking funny because he's like "I am a calculated, coldblooded tyrant" and then voluntarily microdoses himself with arsenic to spend more time with his crush

Genres of Will Wood songs:

- I’m Just A Silly Little Guy. Just A Funky Lil Dude. Just Some Boogie Woogie

- There Is Something Wrong With Me (Anguished)

- There Is Something Wrong With Me (Delighted)

- Society™️

- Villain Pyschology

- God Damn I Do A Lot Of Drugs

ah, yes,,, my 3 alignments,,,,

People were strange like that. Steal five dollars and you were a petty thief. Steal thousands of dollars and you were either a government or a hero.

Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

Will Wood has written songs about all of the quintessential human experiences including:

-vampirism

-desperately wishing to be the opposite gender

-being beyond professional help

-possession 

-being something distinctly inhuman

-taking comfort in the inevitability of death

no offense to me or anything but what the fuck am i actually doing

People who insist on changing the pronouns in songs while they’re singing along are so weak. “But I’m not gay!” Okay?? And I’m not a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett’s Privateers, but for the length of this song I can be.

do you ever just... forget that you exist in a physical form

i love alice oseman books i wish british people were real

Normal website

hey guys, what would happen if i snort sea salt like it's cocaine

"most people don't really care about occult history" Skill issue. I will make learning fun. This is a threat.

what do you say to a trans person who’s sharing after-surgery pics?

When I say "this character is my favourite" what I am really saying is "this character is easiest to project homosexuality and autism on to"

they need to come up with more words like necrosis and miasma and mausoleum and cadaver and morose and decrepit and stuff like that just so metal bands can expand their vocabulary

companies really have got to be okay with stagnant profits. what is wrong with earning the same amount every year? why does it always have to be more? it's not sustainable. there are only so many people on the planet you can profit from 😭

Magic the Gathering tip: you’re allowed to be a little gay for the monsters

Can I please see your balls I'm going through a lot right now

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is the only acceptable portrayal of white Jesus